Things are Going On Around Here

The remodel has started!  They are sistering our attic joists so that we can add the second story. (One learns fancy construction terms during remodels).  They have taken the siding off the attic to get the wood into the attic.  And the electricians have been routinely screaming in horror at the not-up-to-code wiring in the kitchen.  (Apparently, two-owners-ago did not pull a permit when he remodeled the kitchen.  They have found dozens of live wires that have been hanging out in our insulation for years and years and years)

It's pretty exciting.  Conor finds it especially exciting.  Have I mentioned Conor's obsession with the DIY network?  Given a choice between Rock Solid, This Old House, Sweat Equity or Desperate Landscapes and any cartoon, DIY wins out.  Our first night in the rental, Conor found a hiding space in a built-in bookshelf and prompty reported that they had not correctly taped the seam.  How many nearly 5 year olds do you know can identify if a seam has been correctly taped or not?  

So in the mornings, when Conor finds out that the "Fix the House Guys" are at the old house, he finds his tool box and runs over to try to help them.  I think he ought to put on his tool belt, but the tool box is definitely more exciting.   (I am trying to find his picture in the tool belt, but I cannot find it)  I have to say, though, it's all pretty cool and it's amazing to see PROGRESS already on our house.  

And we just came back from the high risk fetal and maternal medicine OB.  And we have great news!!  Peanut's placenta is now 3.3 cm away from my os---so there is no placenta previa anymore.  (We did request it see the other doctor, so now we have seen all 3 docs).  Hooray on no more placenta previa.  More good news is that my cervix is over 3.3 cm.  That means that there is over a 95% chance that I will NOT go into labor in the next 2 weeks, even with these preterm contractions.  He does advise me to stay on the meds, but it's more like cough syrup--treating the symptoms instead of the underlying post-nasal drip.  Also, he explained the difference between these contrax and real contrax.  These, which apparently are NOT dilating my cervix, start at the bottom and move up my ute.  Real contrax start at the top of my ute and move down.  I can tell you right now, it is obvious where these are starting.  And that was all very reassuring.

And FINALLY in ginourmous baby news:  Peanut remains at the 50th percentile of weight coming in at 4 lbs 10 oz and Squiggle is now at the 80th percentile mark coming in at a chunky 5 lbs 7 oz.  Folks--I will be 33 weeks tomorrow and I already have 10 lbs of baby inside me!!!

The only bad news is that Squiggle has turned from head down and back to breech, but we're going to work on him getting back in the best position.  (His moving has been absolutely CRAZY.  I wondered if he had switched positions recently)

In any case, the doc today is not mentioning that I could go from 38 weeks to 39 weeks and doesn't recommend that I go any further than that.  Do you KNOW how big those babies are going to be by that time? Lordy.  That's going to be a lot of baby inside me.

I'm hoping that all this means that I might be able to get off bed rest sooner rather than later.  I'm really not going to be able to do a lot, but being able to walk around the house and to go pick up Conor at daycare.  That is really what I want.  

In any case, it's a very exciting time right now.  I'm thinking things look up and are progressing!

  

Ugh

I was going to blog about life lessons from marathoning, which I will do later.  But then a wave of fatigue rolled over my enormous body and I think I may be taking a nap soon.  And when I say enormous, I am not being overly modest.  My feet are currently so big and swollen, I'm not sure I have shoes to wear.  

But let's talk first about Conor.  Conor is begging to go to target to buy the babies a toy for when they are born.  He wants to hide it, which we're trying to explain will not be necessary.  But what other almost 5 year old boy is so sweet to his unborn siblings?  He kisses them hello and goodbye evey day.  He tells them things about his day.  He is adorable.  

And I know the little ones in my belly will be just as adorable, too, in what I am assuming are completely different ways.  I am so excited to meet these little buggers.  Will they be fiesty or mellow like Conor?  Will they have Conor's (and Dave's) giraffe legs or more normal ones like mine?  Will they be as smoochy as we are now or will they want more independence?  I can't wait to meet this guys.  Actually, I can.  5 more weeks.  I'll be just over 37 weeks in 5 more weeks, and I will not be upset if they decide to come then.  Fully cooked and fully wanted.  

Folks, I cannot fully explain how big I have become and much bigger I believe I am going to be.  And my thighs and butt are finally catching up to the size of my belly.  And not in a good way.  I know!  I have to update my belly shots.  I have to find the camera battery recharger and that involves looking around which I am not supposed to be doing.  

Oh and a nap.  Everything involves a nap now.  I cannot imagine how I would be functioning if I wasn't told to be on bedrest right now.  I am POOPED in a way I did not know was possible to be.  

Speaking of which, Scrubs is about to come on TV and it's about time for my afternoon nap.  

Ramblings

God(dess) bless the neti pot. It certainly is not the most attractive thing I've ever done, but boy is it making a difference in this sinus infection.  Yes, the antibiotics have stopped the major infection pain, but it's the neti pot that is getting everything out of my head and, I feel like, healing the underlying problem.  I'm totally talking out my ash, but that's what it feels like I'm doing.

The weird part is how sometimes in the middle of a cleanse, it sort of stops.  I imagining a dam of snot it's working around (and now you are too!) that it finally destroys with its salty ways.  Loves it.  Weird as hell looking, but if you have allergies or sinus problems, you should get one and clean our your head.

Yes and the one I received from my ENT at the last visit really points out the differences between eastern and western approaches to medicine.  A neti pot is a nice gentle cleanse of one's sinuses.  My ENT was all excited about the bottle he gave me so I could shoot the saline solution up my nose.  "It uses a lot of pressure" is excitedly assured me.  

Yeah.  Thousands of years of gently rinsing one's nose vs. powerfully shooting water up my sinuses.  Nothing like using a bomb to solve a problem that a gentle stream of water was doing just fine with. 

Fine.  I'm just ready for it to all clear up.  I think we're getting close.  

In other news that occupies my mind. are those of your outside of NC hearing what those of us inside NC are hearing about our former governor?  His wife and son have used campaign vehicles for their own personal use.  Some dude was letting him use his plane as a campaign contribution without reporting it.  And the ex-gov's wife had an $800,000, five year,  adjunct teaching/admin job at NCSU for which a national search was cancelled so she could be hired.  I've mistakenly thought our state government was ethical.  Now I think, we've been Blagojeviched.   Just throwing that out there on the blog.  It's bizarre to open up the local paper and learn of yet another bizarre unethical allegation against our former gov.  

Finally, our remodel should be starting today.  The carpenters are supposed to be stopping by to frame up the attic and they are supposed to be digging the foundation for the small addition.  So far, I see no activity.  But our financing is FINALLY completely in place and they are ready to go.  I'm ready for them to get going. 

New pictures of my enornmous belly and what Dave's done so far on the house coming soon.  I need to recharge the camera so I can download the pics.  

Off to work on finishing up an NSF grant.  I'm pretty psyched.  Over the last two months, I will have submitted and/or completed two book chapters, an NSF grant, a few journal reviews, my first PhD  student's qualifying exams, and published an undergraduate journal.  Not so bad for working in bed, eh? 

Progress

Yesterday was another visit to the regular OB. I came away feeling very reassured. 

First, she has strong confidence that the doctor was correct in diagnosing that my placenta previa is gone.  She also completely agreed with me in seeing the third doctor and if they don't agree on what is going on, that I should tell them to get together and work it out.  

But her opinion right now is that we're heading towards a vaginal delivery sometime after 36 weeks---whenever the babies want to come.  

I am also measuring 39 weeks now.  That means that I look like someone with a singleton pregnancy who is about to pop.  I feel like I'm about to pop.  I look like I am incredibly pregnant.  

At the party last week, I walked across the room.  I saw two of my friends staring at me slack jawed because I was shuffling like an old hag who never gets off her sofa.  (A description not too far off)  And the babies are really hanging out low and forward so the pressure on my pelvis is a lot worse than it ever was with Conor.

Speaking of Conor, despite Vince Shlomi's recent run-in with the law (and a prostitue), ShamWow remains a big hit with the under five crowd around here. Conor actually cleans up his bathroom every night with his mini ShamWow, wiping down the sink and the cabinets.  Last night, I caught him wiping the floor up around the bathtub with his shamwow.  As this is not a behavior he has learned by observing anyone in our household, we can only assume that the ShamWow's powers of absorption are so impressive to our little guy that he will keep a cleaner bathroom than we do, just to use this product.  BTW, Consumer reports says to just buy sponges to get the ShamWow effect.  Nonetheless, I cannot imagine a sponge having this much of an impression on a 5 year old.  Thank god(dess) we only watch DIY around here and not any of the kids' shows (besides PBS).  Commercials are pretty dang powerful.  

But back to me, I now have a hideous sinus infection.  The doc gave me some antibiotics yesterday and I've been using my neti pot constantly.  The good news is that my cheek no longer hurts when I smile.  The bad news is that I am sick of feeling shitty in the pregnancy. I have been waiting so long to be pregnant, and I am so excited to meet the babies who are growing in my belly. But the last 5 weeks have not been all that fun.  And the next 5-6 weeks do not show promising signs of being much better.  

Not to whinge on excessively, but standing up while I use the neti pot causes my feet to look a sumo wrestler's.  And just standing in the shower, while feeling wonderful, wears me out enough that I need to take a nap afterwards.  I can't walk.  I can't lie down comfortably on the sofa.  I don't want to spend my entire day in my bed, but I just can't understand why the one thing I crave after breakfast is a nap.  

On the good side, though, the contractions have plummeted, my blood pressure is amazing for someone carrying twins, the previa is gone and the babies are healthy.  All of these are really good things.  Now if I can just get some sleep and permanentely check a few things off my work list, I'll be very happy.  Then I can nap in peace and not feel so damn guilty about it.   

Lucky Me

Last night, we had a party at our house.  

Actually, my colleagues in the PhD program I teach in came over for a combo end of the year party/baby shower for me.  They came in, brought a ton of food, set up our house for the party, came and talked to me on the sofa, had fun themselves (I hope!), cleaned up the house, and left us a ton of food.  

It was the highlight of my last 5 weeks of hospitalization and bed rest, if not longer than that.  I did take the full dose of anti-contraction medicine before they come because I knew I'd be excited and probably contract.  I actually only had a couple of contractions during the party that I could obviously feel.   But otherwise, I didn't feel like I needed to be concerned.

Instead, I had fun.  I saw my friends and colleagues.  I saw live people.  And it was wonderful.

Lucky me.  

Previa or Not Previa: That is the Question

When we last left our Mother Thing, I was in the hospital under observation after the babies and I crashed while I was lying on my back.  Checked into my room (a labor and delivery room because the Special Maternity ward was filled the other Charlotteans pregnant with twins and triplets), everything was looking good.   No contractions at all and the babies' heartbeats were looking great.

I slept for squat that night due to the leftover terbutaline, but whatever.  

The next morning, I felt fine and was ready to go home after a visit from my regular OB and my high risk OB (to check my cervix and placenta).  Then they started monitoring me and noticed I was still having contractions.  Not wanting to risk the whole terbutaline problem again, they started nifedipine/procardia, an off label use of a blood pressure medicine for pre-term contractions that has fewer side effects and is safer for the babies.  The main side effects are headaches, dizziness, a flushed appearance, shaking, and insomnia. Trust me on all of those.  And that's *better* than the side effecs ot  terbutaline! Yeeha!

About mid-morning, we got to to see the high risk OB, Dr. #3 as we call him as he is the third partner in the high risk OB clinic.  A quick check of the babies confirmed that Baby A continues to be on track at exactly the correct rate of development (she always measures whatever day of my pg that we go in for the measure) and Baby B is a giant (measuring a week + ahead of the pg).  Then the doc checked out my previa.

Now, I cannot recall if I have been talking here about visualizing my uterus growing and moving the placenta away from my cervix.  I joke with everyone about it.  So Dr. #3 took a look and had some great news.  He is convinced that not only do I not have a marginal placenta previa, the placenta ends about 2.5 cm away from my cervix and that a vaginal delivery is perfectly fine.  

Good news, eh!?  Except the nurse (Dr. #1's nurse) asked for clarification that something she saw wasn't the edge of the placenta and didn't it touch the cervix.  Nope! Dr. #3 disagreed.  That's not part of the placenta.  No problem with placenta previa and my cervical length is still strong at 44 or 42 mm.  The nurses did not look convinced about the previa and when she took us back to my room suggested that my next appt at the high risk OB, I request Dr. #1 for my ultrasound.

My first thought was the Dr. #1 and Dr. #3 need to get together and work it out because while I think that it's fully possible for my placenta to move away from my cervix, I'm not convinced it moved 2.5 cm in one week.  So is someone wrong?  I don't think so.  Dr. #3 is new to the clinic, but headed up a high risk OB research clinic previously, so no slacker there.  Is Dr. #1 reallllly conservative and happy to recommend a c-section if there's even a chance of a problem? Could be; I don't really know.

I do know this this is not a trivial discrepancy, at least to me.  I'm thinking of this in terms of Alpha/Type I error vs. Beta/Type II error, because that's the way a research psychologist thinks.   

Alpha error is that there is not a relationship, but your research says there is.  That is the possible error Dr. #1 is making:  there is no prevai, he thinks there is.  The result is that  the babies are needlessly delivered before they are ready to make their debut and I have a c-section when I don't need to have one. I want to give them the best chance in this world and let come when they and my body think it's time.  

Beta error is that there is a relationship, but your research says that there isn't.  This is the possible error that Dr. #3 is making: there is previa, but he says there isn't.  The bad outcome here is excessive bleeding and putting my life and Baby A's life in danger.  Obviously, this is bad. And one would want to avoid making a beta error in this case.  However, being too conservative and deciding that an Alpha error is better puts my babies' health at risk needlessly.  

I brought this up to my regular OB at the hospital and he refused to get involved in my discussion about the differences in diagnoses.  (What's the equivalent of the thin blue line that can be applied to doctors?)  I don't think that either doctor is "wrong" or "bad."  I know from my own experiences that data (even hard data with objective numbers) can be interpreted multiple ways.  Both high risk OBs have pointed to same gray, fuzzy parts of the pictures to prove their points.  It meant absolutely nothing to Dave and me.  I do think it shows that this is a lot more subjective analysis than people might believe.  There is no blood test with standardized numbers to compare and make a decision.  The placenta is not waving a flag and going "Over here!  Over here!" 

So am I such a Negative Nancy that I cannot accept the good news that I don't have placenta previa any more (and possibly, never did) or am I such an Objective Olivia that I want the data to add up and make sense to me?  I don't know, but we've decided to request Dr. #2 at our next visit in two weeks to see what he has to say.  He doesn't have a dog in this fight (I have seen both #1 and #3 earlier in the pg), and we might request a group meeting for them to hash this out.   

Thinking that there *might* be a problem is no reason to assuredly say that there *is* a problem.  But then again, I don't want Baby A or me to die. Thank god(dess) for my doula team to help me figure out how to go forward with this.

In the meantime, I continue to visualize my ute moving my placenta up.  And I am curious to see how the next ultrasound goes.    And I'm counting contractions to see if I need to be taking my Procardia.  I'm on the minimal dose now and things appear to be going well.

An Exciting Weekend

It sure has been a busy and exciting last 3 days.

Saturday was great.  Our church sent over about 35 volunteers who, in two hours, dismantled our deck, weeded my garden, weeded our perennial beds, mowed both yards, and moved all our baby supplies from the garage to the new house.  And then they made lunch for every one.  

It is  an awe inspiring and humbling experience to have all these people come help us out.  Truly, I cannot imagine something more generous than a community swoop-in to help out a family. 

I might have ended up pushing myself a little much on Saturday though.  I made Dave drive me over to the old house so I could see what it looks like without the deck. I confess I walked around and stoopd up a bit more than I should have.

I bring this up because Sunday ended up being a tour through Contraction City.  The contractions  started almost as soon as I woke up, but I didn't start timing them until 10:30.  And from 10:30 to 2:00 or so, I had contractions every 15 to 20 minutes continually.  I called the doc who said not to worry until they either got more intense or moved to every 10 minutes for an hour.  I then decided to go drink a lot of water and lie on my left side, which should stop all contractions normally.  I even started my Hynobabies sesseion to stop preterm labor.  Ironically, all of these efforts to stop the contractions (water, left side, hypnosis) occurred about the same time that my contrax started coming every 10 minutes or less. 

So we called the doctor again and went in for a look-see at the hospital. We dropped a thrilled Conor off at a friend's house and scurried to the hospital.  We were much less stressed this time because I know they can (usually) fix pre-term contractions and I wasn't bleeding.  Bleeding is scary.  

So we arrived and they set us up in the hospital triage.  They started monitoring the babies (looking great!) and my contractions (happening when I thought  they were happening).  With no other signs of labor, they decided to give me a shot of terbutaline and the nurse assured me I would be able to go home after they observed me for a while.  

I had the usual side effects pretty qucikly: a racing heartbeat and getting a bit warmer.  The contractions also stopped immidiately.  Hooray!!

Then.....

I got very, very nauseaus, dizzy and hot.  I was so hot.  I started sweating all over my body.  My hair felt damp and I could feel my belly and legs sweating.  I told Dave and he asked if she should get a nurse and I said yes.

When she came back in, I asked if this was another side effect of terbutaline.  Not really, she said.  And I kept feeling worse.  I thought I was going to pass out, which have been an amazing trick as I was lying down in a hospital room.  I closed my eyes to keep everything from spinning and focused on just trying to breathe.  I do remember thinking "If this is a side effect of this drug, there is no way I can take it for the rest of the pg."

Then all hell broke loose.  I don't really remember what happened, but all of a sudden a lot of nurses appeared in our small room. Dave said it was 5 nurses and he tried to scrunch up in a corner and be as small as he could while the nurses did their work.

I realized something was wrong when the nurse said "Baby B's heart beat is really low." "It's always low," I muttered.  "Nobody's heart beat should be this low," she said.  That's when I got the clue that something was really wrong.  (Dave says at the this point, the babies heart rates were in the 40's.  Very, very bad)

Then they turned me on the side and started oxygen.  Somebody grabbed my right arm and jabbed a needle in it (taking 8 vials of blood and starting an IV, Dave told me later).  I heard my main nurse call to get my pre-natal records.  I realized they were preparing to go to the OR for an emergency c-section.  

I started focusing on breathing deeply and willing/praying for my babies' heart rates to get higher.  I knew this had to do with the drug and was not a "real" problem once we can get everything under control.

"What's their heart beat?" I mumbled through the mask.  "In the 80's," they replied.

This not is good, I thought.  I breathed deeply and willed/prayed some more.  Nurses continued to more around doing all sorts of things.  

Then I began to feel better.  "Hey! I feel a lot better now!"  I said somewhat cheerily.  No one gave a shit.   I kept breathing, willing. and praying.  

"What are the babies' heart beats?" I asked again.  Baby A is 130, Baby B is 113.  Muuuch better.  Breathe.  Will.  Pray.  

Both babies' heart rates reached over 140 and kept climbing into recovery mode.  A nurse later told me that the whole episode was two minutes long.

"Congratulations!" our head nurse said. "You just bought yourself 24 hours in the Presby Hospital Inn!"  

The OB  from our practice showed up a little bit later.  Even though she was not on the scene deuring the "episode" as it came to be known by my nurses, she was doing her work behind the scenes.  One thing she had done after the episode had resolved was call my high risk OB for his perspective about my  very, very unusual reaction to this drug.

He said this was not related to the drug, but more likely an event of supine hypotension or inferior vena cava syndrome.   Basically, the terb may have made the dialation of my veins and arteries more likely, and then in the position I was in on the bed, Squiggle squished my vena cava and prevented the blood from the lower half of my body from returning to my heart.  This is why pg women are not supposed to lie on their backs.   The dizziness, the heat, the sweating, and the nausea are all signs.  If my blood pressure cup had still be on, they would have seen my blood pressure plummet. All I needed to do was roll over. (Which if they had done that when I first complained would have stopped the whole problem!)

In any case, I wasn't going home Sunday night. Mom and twins crashing at a hospital tends to cause them to gat a little more attention.  We were checked into a room.  Dave went to get Conor from our friends (and promptly put Conor, as I would have, in our bed for a comforting snuggle), and everything was fine for the rest of the night.  No contractions for me and excellent baby heartbeats.  The adrenaline stole my ability to sleep, despite an ambien, but knowing they were ok and I wasn't contracting any more was wonderful.  

Tomorrow, Day #2 at the hospital:  To Previa or Not To Previa:  That is the Question. 

Finally!

The mortgage/renovation loan has been approved and we're finalizing the date for closing. The appraisal came back on Friday and it was still about $20 less per square foot than our appraisal in 2006 (which was considered highly conservative).  I know that folks may be thinking that is normal for this time, but our neighborhood is considered one of the few in Charlotte where prices are considered stable since 2006.  And, adding insult to injury, it's still about $70 less per square foot than a similar house on a smaller lot three blocks from our house that sold 6 weeks ago.  Phhht.  We had better not get the same appraiser at the end of building.  Otherwise, I'll be opening up a can of sleep deprived twin mother whoop-ass on those people.  It will be even uglier.

In any case, we should start the remodel/rennovation last week. Yippee!!!  I will be able to pick out fixtures and tiles from pictures online and from samples Dave brings home.  I trust Dave with the things that cannot be sampled (e.g., toilets).  And on Saturday, a huge posse of volunteers are coming over from our church to help us demolish the deck; we took on that project to save a couple of thousand dollars, but with me laid up at the new house, I'm not able to do as much as I thought (i.e, nada).  Therefore, our church has asked for volunteers to help us, and they got a really big response.  

I don't talk much about religion on here or our religious beliefs.  It's a lot like telling strangers your weight.  People are going to make judgments which may be quite out of touch from your own reality.  So, I'll just say that we joined a new church in January and love it and are stunned by the outreach they've given to us since I entered the hospital.  (Conor loves this church, too, which makes a big difference) 

So, they are coming over on Saturday and I think that means, we're actually starting the remodel.  Finally.  

We are very, very excited.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

We went back for a level II ultrasound yestrerday and received mostly great news.

The babies are looking fantastic.  Peanut (the girl) is at the 55th percentile of weight.  Squiggle (the boy) is over the 70th percentile of weight.  I asked for clarification and found out that, yes, these percentiles are for singleton pregnancies.  So my twins weigh more than at least half the singletons do for their gestetational age.  It also means that at 30 weeks, I'm carrying about 7 lbs of baby in me, but I don't care.  The nurse even said that it's like I'm carrying two single pregnancies at the same time, the babies are doing so well. 

!!!!

More good news includes that my cervix remains at the very same length as it was 6 weeks ago.  Because it's so long adnd healthy (the doc joked that I have the cervix of a 24 year old!) that means I am highly unlikely to go into preterm labor.  Yay!!!

Of course, this doesn't mean anything changes for the bedrest.

The bad news is that I still have marginal/partial placenta previa.  The good news is that it's not even close to being complete previa.  But it's still there and they are still worried about placental abruption, etc. etc.  So even while I'm doing great and the babies are doing great, I still have to be on bedrest and as the doc says " better" on my bedrest than I've been.  I have been better today, although I'm not really sure what all that means.  

We also found out that both babies are now head down.  Peanut is no longer transverse and that horrible pain in my belly I felt in the hospital?  That was Squiggle turning around. We had a clue when we couldn't find his heartbeat at the regular place and ended up moving to an entirely different quadrant.  The kicks under my right elbow were also a clue.  

What a waste though, huh?  The babies are in perfect position (only happens 40% of the time) and we have to have a c-section.  

Well, that's life and life is better if both of the babies and I are alive after delivery so C-section it is.   We're now just all pulling for a c-section towards the end of my 36 weeks and not the beginning.

But the news is looking great (for the most part) and I am thrilled about it!

How Big Am I?

"Honey, do you know how I can tell my belly is really, really big?"

"Because you can't get into the bathroom closet anymore?"

"Nope, that's not it."

"Because you can't wear my large pajamas and you can only wear my XL pajamas if the drawstring is not tied?"

"Nope, that's not it."

"Becuase of the gravitaional pull, there are small objects orbiting your belly?"

"Nope, that's not it!"

"Because there are tides in Conor's bath water when you walk by?"

"Nope, that's not it!!"

"Then how can you tell that your belly is really, really big?"

"Because I feel like this picture makes my butt and thighs look thin.  The enormous proportion of my belly is throwing off my body image!"

Week 28 1/2

Well, things are looking a lot sunnier around here!  

Can you stand that picture?  I cannot stop laughing every time I see it.  I do know of one friend in particular, ahem, Brian, who has real issues with belly buttons, who finds this picture pure torture.  But it feels like making lemonade of of lemons to me.  

Yes, that is the scar from last year's colon resectioning surgery.  It's actually grown about an inch during this pregnancy.  I thought it would get thicker, but instead it's just getting longer.  Lovely.

Things are truly going as well as can be expected around here.  My doctor has released me from 24/7 Anita-sitting.  My parents are down here and, I have to say, that's been a blast. I am unfortunately working their booties off, but I am enjoying their company and Conor fairly levitates every time he sees them.  

I am having a couple of contractions a day, but nothing that the doctors find worrisome.  I've also figured out the difference between contractions (hardness from top to bottom of the ute) and Braxton-Hicks (softness in one or more parts of the ute). I'm pretty sure Squiggle has turned head down.  I can feel his back on the outside of my belly and his kicks have changed directions.  Of course, we'll find out Monday when I go back in for my level II ultrasound at the high risk doctors.  

But otherwise, I'm keeping off my feet most of the time and trying to get some school work done for the end of the semester.  It's funny, I don't really think the picture below is that much bigger than the one last month.  Maybe your impression differers.

However this one is the one Dave says I look enormous in.  I agree.  And we still have 8 more weeks to go.  I will achieve whale status, I promise. 

There are other things going on.  We are awaiting the revision of the appraisal of our remodel.  We objected strongly to the appraisal (from an apparently junior appraiser) that rated our house $100/sq ft cheaper than a very similar remodel for a house 3 blocks from us on a lot 1/3 the size of ours.  Actually, they had left that house off their comps and instead used comps from a high crime area 1.5 miles from our house.  We were not amused.  The phrase "legal action" may have been used.  

In any case, life moves on and we expect (more)  good news from our appraiser and the doctors very soon.  Time to go down and chat with the parents.  I really have been running them ragged and I really enjoy our afternoon chats.  

And of course it's been 30 minutes and I have to pee.

Report From the Bed

Admit it:  you think bedrest would be fun.  It sounds very appealing when life is hectic to be told by the doctor to get off one's feet and hang out, usually in front of the TV, and have folks wait on you hand and feet.  You would think this, that is, if you've never been on bedrest.  

Bedrest, in reality, sucks mightily.  My mom and dad, and of course Dave, and of course, many neighbors are helping out.  But here are a few surprising things:

*Daytime TV is worthless.  In one day, you can catch up on the marathon America's next top model or the Law & Order: SUV special abusive car victim's marathon of freaking you out and you're pretty much done with daytime TV.  I am actually finding work to be a delightful distraction from any daytime TV.  

*Many women have to lie on their side the whole time.  I get to recline and can more easily use my computer.  It still sucks. My lower back is not amused.  My knees are achey.  And my calves notice the lack of exercise in any form.  

*And to be all day in bed and then to "go to bed" really, really, sucks.  

So enough of the whinging on.  The babies are doing great.  I'm having a few contractions and a few more Braxton-Hicks.  No bleeding though and the swelling in my legs has gone completely down.  They even look skinny right now!  (You know they must have looked fat if I now think they look skinny)

The best news of all is that although they have it written down as complete placenta previa on my hospital chart, the official doctor's report is marginal placenta previa.  This is GREAT news.  The chances of my bleeding out or Peanut dying are much, much less with marginal instead of complete previa.  (The placenta only touches the cervix; it doesn't cover it)  

So yeah, the worrisome parts are looking better now. It's just the lying here that's going to be tough.  Fortunatetly, I have papers to grade, a book chatper to write, and a few things to review to keep me busy.  I would like to get the papers and the chapter done so I can read more fun things and take a few naps.  All this lying down is actually tiring.  

More on some new  remodel drama later.  We're still moving from Point A to Point B, it is just not even close to a straight line.  

Update from L'Hopital

Well, when one is not on bedrest, one might imagine it's fun. And honestly, it's better than a smack in the head. But it's not nearly as pleasant as one would think in the middle of the busy, hellish part of the semester.

So everything continues to look good. I'm at the very end of spotting and it's not "fresh blood," if you know what I mean. The doc-of-the-day thinks I should be out of here tomorrow, but she also said they want me to not be spotting at all. I think there's a real shot of that. I'm also having about one contraction a day, which is fantastic. My body continues to be happy about having the babies in here, and I think we have a good chance of going 36 weeks plus.

I've also been really lucky and had some really good friends stop by and visit. It really says a lot about my friends who take time out of their busy lives to stop by and chat and catch up. It's a big reminder to me to make that extra effort to stop by and see friends when they are laid up, too. (You should do so, too. But you probably already do and I'm a lesser friend than you all are)

But otherwise, bedrest is quite literally a pain in the butt. I have to find out tomorrow if I can sit up in regular chair at a table when I go home. The good news is that I don't have to be flat on my back, which would suck in a horrible shit-ass way. So reclining is better than that. But my tailbone is sore. Sitting up at a table just sounds so nice right now.

And thank god(dess), I'm not a picky eater. They are really trying hard around here to make sure there is enough food that I like for me to eat. That may have come from the first morning I was hear when I used the words "starving" and pointed out that if I hadn't just had a bowl of cornflakes, I would have "knocked the nursing assistant down and gnawed on her arm." Since then, they've been brining me tons of high protein snacks, lots of fruit, and other assorted snacks. My room fridge is actually full!

I had planned on blogging sometime in the future about following the Hypnobabies natural birthing program. I was actually about 3 weeks into the 5 week program and had just bought a Sansa Fuze MP3 player (LOVE IT! and $50 cheaper if you buy the black one instead of the white one) to practice my lessons without hypnotizing the whole house into a easy, painfree birthing process. In any case, I've been telling all docs how much I want a vaginal birth, and I was going to start pushing the unmedicated part at my next visit.

Before I get to the point of this whole story (yes, there is one!), I have say the self-hypnosis part is really cool. You get to a point of deep relaxation and she has you test whether you can move certain body parts, and you can't. And then ironically, 5 minutes later, she tells you to move them and you totally do without effort. Weird. Except, of course, there is the time that Dave came in and I had fallen asleep during my practice and as the instructor kept saying "Open you eyes, open your eyes" and drooling, with my mouth open, I continued to snore. Ehhh. Whatever.

So the point: I've been very focused on a vaginal birth and I was really going to push non-medicated. And the moment they said placent previa, I knew we were doing a c-section, and I didn't get upset or mourn the difference for a millisecond. It was not at all that I "secretly wanted" a c-section. I still don't want one. But my understanding is that if this had happened 100 years ago, when doctors really didn't do c-sections, the probably of both Baby A and I bleeding out and dying was pretty damn high. Now, the maternal death rate is really low at about .03%. Hooray at how low that is, but it's the only pregnancy complication, I've ever seen with an actual estimate.

The doctors and nurses were very wary of telling me about the c-section despite the fact that I'd already figured out. But I'm not going to wail and cry if I open a door and find a brick wall behind it. What the hell use is that? The most important thing is that the babies and I all three live and are healthy. A vaginal birth is completely off the table. Now, my goals are to go at least 36 weeks and to deliver the fattest, most mature babies that I can.

And I think it's going to happen. I bought the hypnobabies track for stopping premature labor. I'm not in premature labor, but the twins make it more likely my ute is going to be irritated and have contractions and we don't want any contractions with the previa. So, we'll hyp-no-tize my ute into being calm and keeping those babies healthy.

You'd be surprised how powerful the hypnosis visualizations can be.

From the Hospital

Well, that certainly sounds dramatic.  Things are actually fine, but there are complications.  

I woke up this morning and went to the potty and I  had blood 6 inch diameter circle of blood in my pajamas in a part which made it clear where it had come from. I called out to Dave "This is not good!  There's a problem!  We need to call the doctor!"

I reached the triage nurse and eventually the order was given to come into Labor and Delivery at the hospital.  We dropped Conor off at some friends whose son goes to the same school as Conor and went to the hospital.  In one of the happiest blurry sights (I left my glasses at home) I've ever kind of seen, I saw my OB at the L&D desk:  today is his day at the hospital.  

They hooked me up to the monitor and both babies heartbeats were great and they were both quite active.  I was having minimal uterine movement, and it looked more like at "irritated uterus" than contractions.  

My main concern at this point was that my membranes had ruptured.  At 27 weeks, this would be a Not Good Thing.  The doctor did an internal exam and did not see any leakage and a manual check of my cervix link showed that it was still long and closed.  A bonus is that he was so far up my coochie, he aslo checked out my sinuses and found them healthy, too.  

In the next happiest sight I've seen during an unexpected visit to the hospital, my high risk doctor walked in the door with an u/s.  I love this doctor, too.  And pretty soon, he and his nurse figured out the problem:  placenta previa.  At my level II u/s, they thought it looked low, but at the last check up, we didn't notice anything bad.  However, now, it looks low and over/near my cervix.  I'm really not sure whether it's complete or marginal, but it's low.  And Baby A is really transverse low, probably because she can't get her head down past the placenta to be headed towards my cervix.  

Besides that not-so-great news, the babies look great.  It seems like the bleeding has stopped.  And if we can keep it from bleeding again and the placenta stays in the same place, the goal is to get to 36 weeks and do a c-section.  I'd like a little longer, but we're going to have to see what we can do with that negotiation.  If the placenta moves (which may be unlikely considering how far along we are), we may be able to go longer.  

I still have  some blood in my "vault."  Yes, that's apparently the medical term for the inside of your hooha.  Your "vault."  Shouldn't there be a lock and key to my vault?  The first thing I thought of was my "Chamber of Secrets" although depending on my mood, it could be my chamber of horrors.  

In any case, there is blood still in my vault, so I'm still spotting, but no one is worried.  I'm in the hospital for a couple of days for observations so that they can be assured I've stopped bleeding.  And then I'm on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy.  

Ironic, eh?  Well, the babies are doing great in size.  And the Dr. Luke diet improves everything EXCEPT for placental previa, which is a pretty random thing anyway.  To be honest, what I'm most concerned about is eating enough here.  I inhaled lunch and had a snack of chicken noodle soup.  Dr. Luke would have a hissy fit if she saw how little I had eaten today.  Now, more than ever, I need these babies to have as much weight on them as possible.  

I hope I can leave the hospital this weekend.  And I hope I don't have to come back again until it's time to give birth.  9 weeks folks.  that's the new minimum I want to go.  (Originally, it was 11 weeks minimum, but 9 is the new 11).

And I need  a pillow.  Food and a pillow.  But the babies are both ok.

Being a Psychologist

One of the nice things about being a psych professor is having colleagues who know a lot about human cognition and behavior.  A good friend/colleague pointed out yesterday that the twins don't understand there are two of them in my belly. It takes a long time for infants (much less babies in utero) to understand that there is a world apart from them.  Infants don't understand that they end at the boundaries of their body and the rest of the world starts then.

What that means, we figured out, is that the twins probably "think" about each other as part of themselves.  There is not this "other baby" in here with me.  There is  "me",  and sometimes I kick myelf in the head or I take up too much space and squash myself and sometimes, I can cuddle with myself.

But it certainly explains why twins should share the same bassinet in the hospital and why they sleep better  beside each when they are still newborns/infants.  Otherwise, they are missing half of themselves.  

24 weeks

I forgot to update my blog with my latest belly shot.  At this point, I'm 24 1/2 weeks measuring 32 weeks.  I'm still getting bigger by the day.

The Politics of Childbirth

I've been through this once before.  The "this" I'm referring to is the politics and, essentially, the judgments of giving birth.  We had a wonderful doula before and want to use a doula again.  A good friend of mine has recently become a doula, but her mother has some serious health issues and I am either not selfish enough to demand that she give her full attention to me or too selfish that I want it.  Our doula for Conor's birth will be on vacation during the twins likely time to pop out, so she can't commit to fully being there, either.  

So we've been looking for a new doula.  I have to admit, right off the bat, that my tolerance for annoying things is very low right now.  I just can't be bothered with bullshit lately.  It makes me cuss (more than usual).  

So I've spoken with two doulas who are members of the Local Doula Network (LDN).  I'm not going to name names or name organizations, so the LDN is not a real group.  I also don't want to offend anyone in the area who absolutely loves their experiences with this group.  To be quite honest, if I was having a singleton, they would fit right in with my goals.  But I'm not having a singleton.  And some of the statements I've been hearing could be  interpretted as dogmatic.  I'm sure in a less pregnant state, that would not be the case, but I actually do not agree that the *only* way I can have a vaginal birth with twins is to have a home birth.  After 8 miscarriages, I am not giving birth to my twins at home.  I want a hospital birth.  Besides, 50% of twins are delivered vaginally in a hospital.    I can explain the difference between 50% and 100% if you need me to, but it will only make me much, much more annoyed.  

I assume that most professionals (OBs and doulas alike) are trying to do the best they can. I fully understand that professionals view their jobs through particular lenses, which may not be the same lens I view the world through.  But that alone does not make them evil incarnate.  And people who automatically assume that others are GOING TO DO BAD THINGS, because of their gender, ethnicity, country of origin, or PROFESSION, annoy me in the best of circumstances.  Now, it makes me likely to open up a can of twin pregnancy whoop ass on them. 

So I would argue that the premise that I can only have a vaginal delivery at home is false.  In addition, do you know how rare a twin pregnancy is?  1 in 87 births are twins.  Do you know the current probability of being an adult and being in prison in the US is?  1 in 33.  You're more likely to be in prison than to give birth to twins.  Even if you account for both a mom and dad (2/87), you're still more likely to be in prison than to be a parent giving birth to twins this year.  

So, let's go back to the home birth option.  A doula and/or a midwife would have to see well over 150 births to see 2 sets of twins being born. At 24 a year (two births a month), they would need over 6 years of experience to attend two twin births.  There is no way in bloody hell that I am going to be the first twin birth someone has every attended.  You are effing kidding me.  And for someone to push a home birth for  me feels to me like they are working off their own agenda (to see a home twin birth) than to help me have the birth I want to have.  

So what birth do I want to have?

1)  I want a vaginal birth.  Baby A is already head down and my primary OB has been trained in vaginal breeches.  So even if Baby B stays breech now or after Baby A pops out (the second twin will somtimtes turn after Baby A leaves), I believe I have a real option of having a vaginal delivery of my twins.  

2)  I want a vaginal birth because I want to be able to breastfeed as easily as possible.  Vaginal births help one's body know more quickly that it's time to make milk.  Even if I have to have a c-section for the second, my body will already know from the vaginal delivery to pump up the jam.  (or whatever)

3)  I'd rather have an unmedicated birth, but I'm willing to give on this.  If they did have to do a c-section for the second baby and I wasn't using an epidural, they'd have to put me completely out.  The delay in starting breastfeeding and bonding would bother me.  

4)  Instead, I want to labor as much as I can at home and perhaps I could even bypass the whole problem by popping the babies out before there was a chance for an epidural or a c-section.

Things I know that are going to be sucky for me giving birth at a hospital:  I'm going to have to deliver in the OR.  I hope I can labor in a regular room, because I would hate to spend 4-6 hours in a cold, sterile OR.  Bleah.  It is more likely they will push for a c-section early on.  However, with my doula and my primary OB, I believe I will get the support I need.

But still the main goal is a vaginal delivery of (at least) Baby A, no NICU time for either baby, and two healthy twins coming home with me 48 hours after delivery.  

All of those options seem reasonable.  And they seem reasonably likely in a hospital.  To say otherwise and imply that I am wrong and I don't know what I'm talking about is likely to let you hear a stream of words and phrases you didn't think pregnant woman could say outside of an unmedicated labor.  You don't want to go there.   

And, BTW, we do have a doula.  She is not going on vacation this year and she works as a childbirth educator at the hospital we are going to use.  She will help us find the right nurses to meet our goals and she thinks a vaginal delivery is quite possible.  So, phhht.  

Don't annoy me for stupid reasons.  It doesn't help anyone.  :-)

Oh, Yeah, The Snoring

I forgot in the post, while focusing on how tired I am, how sleeping with twins is going.  I can assure you, Dave has not.

So, um, yeah.  I snore a bit now.  When we were first married, Dave said I snored like a kitten.  He was very much in love then.  Things have definitely changed.  

I woke up the other night and Dave was smothering himself with a pillow.  Actually, we was trying to sleep with a pillow on the top of his head because my snoring was so loud, it was waking him up.  The other night, he said he just started laughing because he had never heard such a loud sound coming from another human being.  Such a delicate flower of pregnancy, I am.  

I have also been having major pains in my hips while I sleep.  Then I figured out that's why they recommend pillows for pregnant women.  As long as I put my top leg on a pillow, I don't have pain.  No pillow, great pain.  Poor Dave is hanging on for his life on his side of the bed.  I try to move the pillows from one side to the other when I turn to give him more room, but there is a great deal of grunting involved.  I'm not sure that's a real improvement.

And the final sleep yucky part is the 1:30 to 2:00 am acid stomach. Oddly, when I roll over to my left side (the side you're supposed to sleep on when you're pregnant), my God(dess), the acid that comes up to my mouth.  Invariably, I lie there debating about whether to let acid burn in my throat or waddle downstairs and get the tums.  Usually, I waddle.  But I will be really happy to not have acid in my mouth every night.  It's not nearly as much fun as it sounds.  

I'm sure none of these issues have anything to do with the fatigue I feel throughout the day.  Not at all.  No sirree.  My less than ideal sleeping has nothing to do with my desire for 2 naps a day.  

Being Pregnant With Twins

A few people have asked me if this pregnancy is different from Conor's pregnancy.  The short answer is Hell to the Yes.  Actually, it's not that dramatic.  Except it sort of is. 

This is  qualitatively different than Conor's pregnancy, even though I'm doing really, really well as a twin gestator.  The main thing is that although I'm 6 months, I'm measuring 8 months, and I feel like I am 8 months.

First and foremost, I am tired.  Really, really tired.  And when I complain about how tired I am and people around me say, "Oh, yeah, I'm tired, too," I want to hit them.  There's a difference in feeling like you could use a cup of coffee and the utter fatigue I am feeling.  Case in point:  Conor and I went to Trader Joe's this morning. When we got home, I asked Dave to get the groceries from the car because I felt dizzy and tired.  I then lay down on the sofa and immediately fell asleep for about two hours.  This was 11:30 on a Saturday morning, when I'd (mostly) slept from 9 pm until 7 am the night before.  

The whole fatigue thing reminds me of last year's surgery.   At one point, after looking at my CAT scan, the doctor noted that most of the time, people are so much pain, he has the discussion about the surgery in the emergency room.  I thought to myself "I said it hurt."  Maybe what other think of as utter fatigue is my "need a cup of coffee", but when I say I'm tired, I mean, I'm tired.

I'm also very slow.  Walking around now is a lot more difficult than it ever was with Conor.  Walking up the stairs at the rental really winds me.  And whereas it used to take about 5-7 minutes to walk from the parking lot to my office, we're now looking at a good 15 minute shuffle.  And sometimes, I actually have to stop and rest!  While I'm *walking.*  I'm honestly not going to push it.  There will be plenty of time after the babies are born for me to set a personal record in the parking-lot-to-office commute.   But now, if my body says, "Dude, slow this shuffle down," I'm going to.  

Finally, one really good thing is that my belly is so big that my butt looks good.  It's amazing what (dis)proportion will do, but yeah.  My butt looks small and firm.  HA!!  HA! HA! HA!  Maybe the solution to our warped body images should be  a new fashion trend of sticking a basketball under our shirts so our butts and thighs look good!  

Of course, there are the other usual things (swollen feet, smaller brain, increased thirst and appetite) all of which are happening earlier than with Conor.  But those seem normal. The fatigue, the speed and the belly size just seem very, very different this time.   

In fact, even talking about this makes me think another nap this afternoon would be very nice!

Kickin' Ass and Taking Names

Eventually, we will get to that portion of the blog, but first I have to talk about Conor, because it's been on my mind to blog about him.  I have been focusing a great deal on the house and on the pregnancy, but I don't want anyone for a second to think that he is not the light of my life.

He has been absolutely adorable lately and this has to be some of the best times of childhood.  Because everyone has been asking, I will go on record saying that he is very excited about the babies.  He tells everyone we meet that we have twins, a boy and a girl, and he will point to my belly.  He likes to talk to them and tell them about his day ("it's cold here today") and last night, we wanted to read to them, an act that generally involved shouting CURIOUS at my belly, every time George was described in the book.  

School is going very well for him and he's taken to singing lots of songs in the backseat on the way home.  He loves to color and will spend up to an hour working on one picture in his coloring book.  He is "writing words" in a journal and will now take 3 or 4 books to bed with him after we've read to him so that he can "read" them while he goes to sleep.  

We've had some rough nights getting him to bed after daylight savings time started (coincidentally, the same weekend we moved).  Two nights ago, when he was starting to get all riled up again, I plainly told him that we'd had a lot of fights before bed recently and neither he nor I liked it.  I stopped talking and then he immediately started doing what I'd asked him to do earlier (pull the plug on his bath).  It is moments like those that I think he has got to be the most mature, empathetic 4 year old that has ever lived.  I didn't tell him he HAD to do something; I just pointed  out that we hadn't had a lot of fun at bedtime lately and implied his lack of following the bedtime routine had a little something to do with it.

The best part of all, though, is that Conor is still the same smoochie monkey he has always been.  When that changes, and it will eventually, I'm going to be crushed because I love his snuggles and kisses now.  I think he's going to be the best big brother in this whole entire world.  (Sorry, Scott!  You can be second!)  

So what's this about kickin' ass and taking names?  Well, we went to the maternal and fetal/ high risk pregnancy office today.  The babies are  growing really well. Baby A is at 51% weight and Baby B is at 67%.  Baby A is in head down position, so a vaginal birth is definitely an option now.  (We'll be more sure after the next visit in a month)  Baby B's head is pretty much resting on Baby A's booty, which I think is hysterical!  I'm so going to tease him about that when he's older.  Baby B's feet are near Baby A's head, so I worry that he is kicking her.  

It's amazing how squished they are in there.  There is not a lot of extra room for anyone there.  I feel guilty, but they are truly doing ok.

The BEST news is that it's looking very much like I should be able to go for full term for this pg without any bedrest.  They measure cervical length at this point.  And I had read an article previously about cervical link and premature labor/birth, but I couldn't remember what it was.  Fortunately, my doctor was one of the co-authors of the study.  (Who knew?!)  They found that a cervical length of 34 mm or more increases the probability of going all the way (defined as at least 34 weeks) to 95%.  It's the same risk as a singleton!  My cervix is 47 or 48 mm!!!  He definitely thinks I should be able to go to full term with these babies with no restriction in physical activity.  WOOHOOO!!

He also said if I was a boy, I'd brag about that length.  I told him I was going to brag about it anyway!  

We are actually thrilled here.  The babies look great and the carrier pod is looking great, too.   I have gained a boatload of weight, but I think there is a direct relationship between my double chin and my cervical length.  Ok, that sounds really weird, but you know what I mean.  

We're going all the way with these babies!  And if they keep up this weight gain, they will both be over 7 lbs when they are born---the same as Conor!!

The Dark Side

Well, despite that ominous heading, things are much, much better.  We spoke to W--- again at Citibank who assured us that all the information had been updated on Citibank's end last Friday.  Dave also contacted the president of Citibank Student Loans (so not kidding!) and has been working with someone in their office to resolve this problem.  As of this afternoon, the president's office had resent all of our corrected POSITIVE information to the credit bureaus and by this Friday, everything should be fixed.  Note: they resent our information specifically this afternoon to the bureaus.  Wow!!  Thanks, honey!! We also called Equifax and the information there is finally correct there and after yesterday's very frustrating call to Transunion, we're just going to wait until Friday to see if everything is ok.  

Hoo-dang-ray.

What a pain in our collective asses and what a relief that it's finally going to be resolved.

And not a moment too soon.  Here is where we're giving in to the dark side.  As a graduate student, as a new faculty member (PAYING OFF ENORMOUS STUDENT LOANS, ahem), and then as a newlywed in a modest house in the city of Charlotte, I am used to living small.  I love our house, the one we are remodeling.  It is cute and old and very, very small.  But we figure that we're used to city living, so it's not that big a deal.

Well, this new house is not that much bigger.  However, our friends gutted it several years ago and remodeled the attic into the master suite.  The downstairs bedrooms are still small, typical of our 'hood.  But the living room and dining room are enormous.  And the kitchen was designed with a cook in mind.  And the upstairs master bedroom.  Oh. My. Lord.  

Space!  We have space!!! In our bedroom!!!!  Our bed is finally proportionate to the room. And all of our bedroom furniture is in our bedroom.  And there are Two. Walk. In. Closets.  

I feel so guilty.  After years of convincing ourselves and others that small is absolutely fine, I am finding that I like to be able to twirl around the bedroom and avoid the furniture and the walls and the husband and the cat and the dog. 

And this street!  When we moved to the neighborhood, our street was a good street.  It wasn't as good as a few other streets, but it was certainly fine.  Then about 3 or 4 years ago, the developers started remodeling this street.  The houses are so cute now.  And they are close together.  And while some folks might think that's a bad thing, we notice that everyone is walking up and down the sidewalks.  We've already met 4 different neighbors,  all of whom are really nice and similar in many ways to us.  Even our neighbor from our old street stopped by and we marveled together about how friendly and nice this street is.  

Our old street has big lots and so there is a lot of spaces between houses, at least, "big lots" and "a lot of space" for the city. 

The other funny part about living here is how well we can see our back yard.  We need to work on our back yard a wee bit more.  Ok, not a wee bit more, a helluva lot more.  This house has a better view of our back yard than we do.  (Which makes me think the evil renters probably *did* see me flip a double bird at them on more than one occassion)  In any case, we can even see our old neighbor (and good friend's) backyard better now than we ever did at the old house.  Yikes!! 

So there.  This is what we have learned about our old and our new houses in one week.  We are still madly in love with our old house.  But we are really looking forward to the remodel and a much expanded bedroom.  I also think we'll have some better ideas about how to use the space downstairs that isn't being expanded to make it more user friendly.  

In any case, the outcome of today is that we are actually going to be able to get the mortgage for the remodel.  And what the heckity heck, we've got the organizational strength of Citibank student loans behind us to help.  Who woudda thunk?

Annoyed and Annoying

I had no intention of starting this blog with this level of crankiness.  We've moved into the rental and truly love it.  It's cute; it's bigger; it's on a cool street with lots of young families.  We're getting some ideas for our remodel (like the closet under the stairs).  Generally, the move has gone well.  

However.  

We are STILL having problems with the effing credit reports.  Despite Citibank's assurance that the problems were fixed and the new improved info should be at the credit bureaus in a few days, my calls to two of the credit bureaus still showed the same problems.   We've now started disputes of the disputes  and some of  these people (ok, one in particular) thinks that I'm lying when I say that Citibank was supposed to have fixed it already.   I have a call into W--- to see if she can help us out again or give us advice.  

Can I just say that some folks are better customer service agents than others?  Well, trust me.  It is true.  And I am CRANKY lately.  I mean cranky.  I am ready to open up a can of twin pregnancy whoop ass without much provocation at all.  I even mouthed an angry FUCK YOU to a colleague who, upon observing me wheezing after climbing a flight of stairs, condescendingly told me that walking is good for me.  

RIGHT, jerk.  That's why all my twin pregnancy books explicitly say that twin gestators should NOT take the stairs.

So, um, yeah!

I am a joy to be around.  It doesn't help that I often long for a nap by the middle of the day.  And unpacking is a sure fire way to start up a series of Braxton Hicks.  This morning's call to the nurse revealed that using my stomach muscles can irritate my ute enough to start the Braxton Hicks.  So I can't really bend over much any more without ending up on the sofa on my left side constantly poking my belly to see if is hard or soft.  

And the babies are moving around tons (yay!!!) but there is some position they take that puts a lot of pressure and pain on my pubic symphysis. I had this problem with Conor so I know what it feels like.  But essentially, the joint over my hooha hurts.  There's nothing bad for the twins or for me in this.  But one never really enjoys a painful hooha joint, so there.    

So there you go.  There have been a lot of emotional ups and downs lately.  I know it's going to work out in the end, but the day to day can be annoying.  Just in case you are wondering, I still believe that remodeling (like life) is a trek from Point A to Point B.  And just like life, the journey is not straightforward.  

I feel better!  Thanks for letting me turn this blog entry into a bitch and moan session.  Now it's time for my nap.  

Hooray!!!

God(dess) bless W--- at Citibank for immediately correcting the reporting problem on my student loan.  There is no problem, there was no problem and she is giving me direct access to her to help us get our remodel mortgage approved.  In fact, she said "when we get your information, we can investigate it and can correct it immediately."  Then she pulled up my account and said "Oh, there is no problem.  I've fixed it now."  I made her repeat it three times before I finally believed her.   

Hooray for W---!!  There is (at least) one wonderful competent person working there!!  And I know who she is!!!

What an emotional day!!  

Welcome

Hi to everyone who heard me on Charlotte Talks today or who is now following me on twitter!

That was a really fun show!  They are hoping to do more of them in the future, so let WFAE know how much you enjoyed it!  Also, check out our Organizational Science PhD program 

and the UNC Charlotte Psychology Department for more information on how we are doing studies like the ones we discussed on Charlotte Talks.

Thanks for stopping by!

Glitches

It has been an emotionally up and down week again, focusing fortunately only on the remodel.  In fact, the only effect this has had on the twins is that I'm too worked up to get to sleep early enough at night and as a result POOPED.  That would explain why yesterday, I went to bed at 8 and got up around 6.  In all honesty, I've been doing that about once or twice a week since about 16 weeks.

Anyhoo, this week's glitches came because our contractor's estimate did NOT decrease as much as we'd thought from cutting off 300 square feet off the plans and from my stupid Citibank Student Loans, from grad school, which I'VE PAID OFF!!!

First, the bigger issue: the contractor's estimate was still about $30,000 more than we can afford.  Again, $5,000 or $6,000, we can deal with.  $30k is  a deal breaker.  I pretty much decided we couldn't do the remodel or we'd just do the first floor and have a very small family room on the deck.  Dave, Kumbaya Boy, was still holding out hope that the contractor could bring the $30k down to a number we could deal with.

Foreshadowing what would happen, I told Dave that if this deal did work out then he could lord his Kumbaya-ness over me forever.  And indeed, 24 hours later, the contractor came back with an estimate only $6,000 over our budget, a number we could afford with some of the savings we've squirreled away. So, Kumbaya, oh lord, kumbaya.

The second glitch is in actuality minor but in reality could be a real problem.  My credit report came back will multiple disputes on it with my Citibank Student Loans.  Considering 1) I was never late with a payment,  2) that these loans are all paid off and 3) this has never shown up on my credit reports before (including the ones for our current mortgage), I was not amused.  When I called up the Citibank Loan services, the service representative quickly new what the problem was:  there is no problem with my account.  Instead, the credit bureaus often "misunderstand" what Citibank  reports and put down that there is a dispute when, in actuality, there is not.  

W. T. F.  

Maybe Citibank should change what they report to the credit bureaus so that this is not such a common  issue!!!  I faxed my info requesting the problems be corrected on Tuesday morning and just called and they "still haven't received the fax."  I put that in quotes because Dave, my calm and Kumbaya husband, called bullshit on that one.  I'm calling back tomorrow and at that point, Dave told me I need start getting nasty.  I'm pregnant with twins:  I can do it!!!  The distance between calmly hanging out and raging bitch is pretty short!!  

So tonight I continue packing.  I actually stopped on Monday because we weren't sure the remodel was going through.  We thought we'd pay the first month's rent and give our 30 day notice.  Now we're actually going through with this!  Of course, we have still not resolved the second glitch, which annoys me to no end.  One possibility is that we go ahead with just Dave to qualify for the loan, but that would mean that although I'd be on the deed, I wouldn't be on the loan, and I have to be perfectly honest with you:  it makes me feel like less of a partner.  I don't like it.  

But just like the contractor estimate worked out, this is going to work out.  And if I need to let my pregnancy freak flag fly to get this done, by jove and by golly, I will.  

We're switching internet from the old to the new house tomorrow, so I may not be available.  I'm sure this weekend, I'll be able to update what is going on as we move into our interim new house.  WOW!!!

20.5 Weeks

Today was a quick trip back to the OB for my 20 1/2 week appointment.  Although I am only 20 1/2 weeks, I am measuring 27 1/2 weeks.  Yeah, that's about typical for twins and basically confirms that I am enormous.

The doctor kindly said my blood pressure, protein in my urine, and weight gain were "perfect", which made me feel less like the  calmly peeing whale I have become.  

On the other hand, I remain exhausted.  So exhausted , that I cannot think of anything else clever to say for this post. 

So there.  I am done. It is 7:15 and time for me to go to bed.

ETA:  For comparison, this is a picture of me when I was 7 months pregnant with Conor.  I am about 5 months pregnant now. 

Oh, Lots of Things

We're packing up and moving into the new house.  It's really nice, especially now that we've painted the black S&M bondage room into a happy, light blue, little boy appropriate color.  Being that we lived in Los Angeles for 10 years, I also went over and smudged the whole house this afternoon. I smell like pot now, but what the hey.  I get a natural high off of smelling my own hands.  

I have felt guilty for not blogging much about Conor lately.  He is still the apple of my eye and the joy in my heart, and I guess I've been selfishly focusing on my body and our upcoming move.  But he continues to be as adorable and smoochie as ever.  

And continuing in this selfish vein, I will now blog about Conor's opinions about the twins ("It's awesome!") and his questions about their upcoming birth both a month ago ("Mommy, how are the babies going to come out of you?") and more recently ("Mommy, where is your pagina?").  He loves to say "Hi" to them and gives them lots of kisses.  I had to ix-nay the high fives he wanted to give them, but overall he knows he needs to be gentle.  He cannot wait to officially be a big brother and likes to tell everyone we meet about the boy and girl twins in my belly.  

He's also excited about the new house we're going to be moving into ("I can't wait to play there!!"), which is impressive considering that his daycare just moved campuses and he is handling that well, too.  I don't know if this is the correct parenting strategy or not, but with all these changes, I try to be as straightforward as possible about what is happening and when and what will be easy and what could be hard.  I don't think it's fair to say "Everything will be butterflies and warm cookies" when we are likely to encounter some over-cooked and under-seasoned spinach on this path.

That said, can I just say how much we still like having Conor end up in the Big bed about 2 or 3 nights a week?  Maybe it's because we're a working couple, but those middle of the night and early morning snuggles are the whipped cream on the top of our spicy hot chocolates.  Yes, it's crowded.  But the cuddles and snuggles and sleepy "I love you"s are worth every funky twist and turn.  Besides, you know I'm not sleeping anyways.  I might as well get a little snuggle out of it.  

How big is my belly?  It is pressed up against the desk as I sit in my normally comfortable spot on this computer.  It is big.  

But in not so big news, we went to the mothers of multiples sale on Friday night and OH MY GOODNESS!!!!  For $180, we got a double snap n go,  a duoglider stroller,  a purple bumbo with an activity tray, an arm's reach co-sleeper, a my brest friend nursing pillow for twins, and a new baby monitor.  I'm just saying, that much baby paraphenalia for that prices sounds pretty dang good to me!

What's freaking me out though is that every time I look at that double stroller, I think to myself "HOLY CRAP! WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!!" just like that and in all caps.  

Well, I'm missing blogging because I'm thinking up posts daily.  But the eyelids get really heavy after dinner and I'm really trying to focus during the day on getting my school work done.  I'm just over 20 weeks now, so we're over half-way there.  

And in exciting news, we're expecting a big snow storm (for us) tonight:  4 to 8 inches.  School will be closed for at least one day.  I don't know if I have any warm clothes to wear out, but I am looking forward to hopefully having some good snow play time with Conor after this storm.

I should pack some more boxes, but I'd really rather go eat a snack.  I wonder whether my obligation will beat my desire?

Getting Ready

I went by the rental on Friday.  I have to be perfectly honest:  I love our house.  But seeing this house, with its wonderful craftsman charm and BIG BEDROOMS AND BATHROOMS and a GROWN UP REFRIDGERATOR made me feel a little ungrateful towards our home.  We have a wonderful living space in our house.  The heart of our house is our very open kitchen, dining room and close by (but small) family room.  Considering I spend most of my time in the kitchen, because it is that nice, I love our house.  

But our bedrooms are so small.  Our closets are tiny:  I have about 4 feet of usable hanging space. And the bathrooms, while nice, are just not big enough. It doesn't help that in the mornings everyone including the cat and the dog tries to get in the 7 foot long "master" bathroom. 

So we are pretty excited about the rental, our new home while they pop the top here.  Dave put a gate in the fence between the two houses, so now we'll be able to move back and forth without driving around the block.  And we're hoping it makes clear to the renters after us that We Are Friendly People and We Get Along With Our Neighbors.  Unlike the nutjob renters who moved out---and painted the room that will be Conors, wait for it, black!  We'll be repainting Conor's room next weekend.  

We also moved plantbeds this weekend to get them out of the way of the construction.  The hardest plants were my grandmother's hydrangeas, which have grown quite large.  We moved one to the front of the house and one near the back.  I'm hoping they will both like their new homes.  

And I am pooped.  I did not do that much today besides digging, but I am just whooped.   

I have to start packing this week and determine what we take with us and what we leave in the garage or my home office.  I don't want to move everything, but I also don't want to spend the next 6 months skimping on things.  Of course, the remodel will be done right around the time twins are due so minimizing repacking is a goal, too.  Advice is welcome.

That said, whatever we decide to do, it won't be "wrong."  There is just going to be slightly more convenient and  slightly easier.  

Holy Cow

I think we're going to do this remodel thing.  Last week, after the Kumbaya post and the meeting of Squiggle and Peanut, we met with our architects and the man who is more than likely going to be our contractor.  He came back with a very, very reasonable estimate for the remodel.  It involved us doing a non-trivial amount of work and all the extras we said we could cut out, he cut out.  Nonetheless, it was still about $50,000 more than we could afford.  

We decided that although we loved this plan, we needed to go back to the original plan, Plan A. It had the square footage we could afford, but did not have the extra bedroom we needed.  We figured that the architects could just get rid of the loft (a "landing area" off the stairs) that served as an open room, and just add a bedroom there.  It would not be nearly as cute, but it would be functional.  

Folks, this is why you hire architects.  Tonight, we had a charette with our architectural team.  Although one might imagine that a charette is a short game of charades, it's actually a intense design meeting to figure out our home issues.  Our architect's goal was to keep Plan B but to reduce it in size to meet our budget. At that point, she had easily been able to delete about 150 sq feet for a $20,000 savings.  However, one might note that $20K NE $50K.  So although that was nice, that wasn't going to cut it.  I actually was feeling disappointed because I had in my head that we had to go back to Plan A and try to make that one work.

Then....Then....THEN!!! Dave suggested a new location for the master bathroom and everything fell into place.  She figured out how to arrange everything and cut off 4oo sq feet.  Our closet will be a little smaller than before, but still a boatload bigger than anything we've had before.  The loft (we still have a loft!) will be smaller, but can still serve as a small bonus room.  The child's bedroom/nursery will have a fine closet *and* the ceilings will be high enough to build  a sleeping loft later on.  Our bedroom will be the same size and will still have a sunroom off of it.  And all this will be within our budget.  It's Plan B writ slightly smaller.  And all because Dave suggested moving the bathroom!  In fact, we needed the entire addition to be 1000 sq feet and at this point, we're looking at about 972 sq feet.  

Holy Fracking Shite.  I think we can do this!!

In fact, I think we're ready to call our neighbors and move into the rental behind us March 1st.  

!!!!

Yes, there's still the whole business of getting the remodel funded.  But so far, all the signs point to yes.  And now that we have a realistic plan with a realistic budget and we're still going to have everything we want, (holy cow!), this may work!

Ok, yes, we are only going to have one bathroom upstairs.  This means that middle of the night pitter patter to go piddle pee is going to go through our bedroom and is likely to end up the rest of the night in our bed.  But really, how is that different than now?  It's not.  And when whoever is sleeping up there is older, I have no doubt he/ she can figure it out in a way that keeps everyone's privacy.  (There will be stairs down to his or her own bathroom.  Take them.)

Oh my goodness.  I think this is going to work out.

Hooray!  YIKES!!!

Peanut and Squiggle

I've had a hard time coming up with nicknames for the babies.  The main reason is that Baby A and Baby B works ok.  Another is that we used a lot of the gender neutral names with Conor and the subsequent miscarriages.  

But today, after our Level II ultrasound, it became clear that their names are Peanut and Squiggle.  Peanut is Baby A because she (!) is measuring a little smaller than her brother (!), Squiggle, who is very, very active.  

The ultrasound went perfectly normal and we are so excited to be having a boy and a girl.  I will tell Conor today when we pick him up from school.  But his request this morning was for a boy and a girl.  He gets to have a little brother and a little sister. 

Everything seems just wonderful for our growing little family.

As for our (hopefully) growing house, we're meeting with our architect and preferred contractor Thursday afternoon to figure out if we can build the house for the price we want as-is or if we have a do-over on the design.  

It's all going to work out.  That, I'm sure of.

Kumbaya

We ran into a good friend of ours, who is a developer, today at lunch.  Once we told him about last night's estimate, we are feeling much better that we can do the remodel "as is" for the budget we want.  Just one example of how this guy was way overbidding: he was proposing that just the electrical part of the addition would be about $20k.  Our friend had the electrical stuff done on his entire house  for about $12k.  Granted he is a developer and thus has better connections, whereas we are just regular lame folks.  Still, that estimate is stupid.

And though it's been on my mind, I haven't even broached the topic of the mini-van we are going to have to buy.  The night we found out about the twins, I found a used Odyssey for about $12k.  We should have bought it then, because now we can't find anything better than a 2005 Odyssey with 60K miles for, oh, $20,000.  One might note that a new 2009 is $25,000 or so.  YIKES. 

So then we started looking at Mazda5's which are mini-mini vans (micro vans) and start at $17k.  The good news is the price and the gas mileage.  The bad news is that it's small, and that we're sure Dave could fit in it, much less 3 kids, a dog, and luggage.  We don't travel all the time, but the only other car we could travel in right now is 13 years old, can't go up a hill without losing power, and may not fit two infant car seats at the same time.  So, um, yeah.

Now we're leaning towards a Toyota Sienna with the 8 seat option; Conor could sit with the twins and Patches and the luggage could sit in the back. Mom and Dad could even ride with us out to dinner when they come up to visit.  Dave even found a 2008 model with the options we want for $22k.  

We are, by the way, going to be selling the Jetta which should help us pay for this thing.  The Jetta's gas mileage is so good it's going to sell itself.  

In any case, I wonder why I'm having a hard time sleeping lately?  I mean apart from the fact that my uterus is twice the size of mothers of singletons at 18 weeks. And that I have an horrible stuffed nose and am sucking the paint off the walls with my snoring.  The result is a dry mouth that takes about 45 minutes to recover from when I wake.  And that my ginormous husband's nobby knees keep drifting over to my side of the bed.  It's not generally a problem when by belly isn't bigger than my boobs, but for some reason, his knees are inhibiting my ability to stretch out in a position that, theoretically, could be comfortable to sleep in.  And yes, I'm ending that sentence in a preposition and I don't care. 

Whatever.  Kumbaya.  It is all going to work out.  Right?

Financial Bleah

The first contractor just came back with an estimate on the model, at THREE times our budget.  It freaks me out more than it freaks Dave out, well, because that's how we are as a couple.  (Hence, I'm a nut and he is kumbaya boy)  

What worries me is that even if this is an outrageous quote, how can the quote we think is the most realistic be 1/3 what his cost is?  Seriously.

Then, we did a little math.  We've been told that square foot building cost around here was $135 at the highest.  We're hoping it's much lower now, or we still can't afford it.  However, this dude was coming in at $225 per square foot.  You have GOT to be kidding me!  That is a generous square foot equity estimate right now.  So this dude is on drugs.  We are not going to pay someone to remodel our house at the exact same amount of equity we would be adding.

So Dave, Kumbaya boy, came up with that reason for why his estimate was outrageous.  I, on the other hand, still am not convinced that our cheapest estimate is going to be within our budget.  Our budget is not flexible.  We cannot afford to go to a jumbo mortgage.  

Thus, I am getting ready for Plan B:  going back to the architect for a do-over.  We live on a half acre of land.  SURELY, there is some way to economically add another bedroom and a master suite.  And if it all stays on one floor, then hooray!, we won't have to move out.  But yeah.  I'm not thinking the current "dream plan" is going to work out.  

Kumbaya.

And yes, I know no one reads blogs over the weekend, but I have been in the weeds this week, and exhausted when I come home.  I don't think that's going to change any time soon.

Like Mother, Like Son

I swear, he was just showing me a boo-boo.