Thursday, November 29, 2007

Dear Santa

At Conor's daycare, they often will put the children's answers to different questions on the door to their room. It's a lot of fun to see what the children's responses are because they are usually quite funny.

To wit, the class read "Are you my Mother?" and the children answered the question "What is your mommy like?" Conor's response was cute "I don't know. I have to think about it" but others were hysterical "My mommy sounds like a helicopter and she's really slow" as well as "My mommy has long hair and long legs." (Vavavavoom!)

Today's posting on the door was "Dear Santa" and the children apparently responded to what they'd like to ask Santa for Christmas. Answers were mostly toy related "I don't know--a lot of toys!" and "My daddy needs some paper and Anna wants a princess."

Conor's answer was "I would ask a present for Mommy and Daddy, but I really need my own little brother."

His response was as unexpected as mine when I ran sobbing down the hall of daycare, my hand over my mouth to keep from wailing. I hid in the staff bathroom until I could gain a modicum of composure. I was still able to tackle the mother who saw my reaction as she left to let her know I was alright if somewhat mortified. It was awkward then, but can you imagine how awkward it would have been if I wasn't able to see her until tomorrow? She's seen me act like a nut; I would still be a nut.

It felt pretty raw to see Conor's wish for a little brother up on the door. All the other children asked for toys. And seeing his innocent request makes me feel empty and, publicly, called out as a failure.


aj said...

No fair making me cry. I have to say though that I'm so impressed that he's such a thoughtful little one. Instead of being caught up in material possessions, he recognizes the value of companionship. I'm sorry that it was a painful reminder, and I cried for you.

nancy said...

I'm sorry you feel that way, but I have to tell you that I saw it as a child who is so far ahead of the other kids on an emotional level. He's not viewing happiness in toys; he's viewing it as family. I'm sure he understands how you and Dave would like to have another child, and he wants you to be happy.

I am sure I would have reacted the same way, but really, look at this again. I think your son is showing such compassion and caring in his answer, it is just touching. I think it shows great maturity in such a little boy.

OneTiredEma said...

What Nancy said.

Wow. I always knew he was a sweetheart, but wow.

And hugs to you.

Piratewench said...

It's incredible how raw we are, just under the surface. Sweet, sweet Conor. Major hugs to you.

Victoria said...

Ditto Nancy's insight. I'm sorry you felt so blue and exposed. I imagine there was a parent there who saw his request and thought "Hey, now there's a kid who was raised right..."

Don't be so hard on yourself. ((Hugs))