Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Cuteness and then Not So Much

Oh, let's start with the good parts, eh!?

On Saturday, we attended an afternoon party. Conor was adorable, natch. But there was one part where I thought my heart was going to explode from the cuteness he was exuding.

He played badminton.

For some reason, that fact alone does not make other people sink to their knees veritably watching the clouds part as the sunbeam shines upon him and the angels sing a Hallelujah chorus. Those other people are clearly not paying attention, because I think this has to be the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.

There were actually 4 people playing badminton. One adult (on Conor's team) and two other children around 8 and 9 years old. I have to admit that Conor, despite being the cutest, was not the most talented member of the team. Nonetheless, he kept his eyes on the other team. And every time the girl on the other team swung her racket at the birdie, Conor swung his racket, although not exactly at the birdie. And followed up his swing with a quick run to other side of the net and then back to his assigned spot. Honestly, the birdie was nowhere near him when he swung. It would have bopped him on the head if it had come near him. Still, he "played": he was concentrating on the moves of the other team, he was swinging his racket, he was moving around the court and he had a partner.

I tell you, it was enough to bring me to my knees and have my heart explode. If I had seen him for the first time in my life at that exact moment, I would have fallen in love with him. It was all I could do not to run out, tackle him, and cover him with kisses. And considering how much wine I was drinking at the time, I really did have to restrain myself.

On a much heavier note...

The procedure went fine on Friday. This time I was in out patient surgery at the hospital instead of same day surgery. This time, they also gave me something before they took me into surgery---something like Nubain, I am thinking. It knocked me out so that I barely saw my doctor as we were walking (I was riding) down the hall into the operating room. And it took me a really long time to wake up after the surgery. I actually had a much rougher day after this miscarriage then after the other one because I was so tired and I just wanted to sleep.

Which is, of course, ironic because I can't sleep at all at night now.

There is more that happened including a weird incident where the anesthesiologist dropped off a pair of baby feet on a pin as a rememberance of the baby (WTF?) and there has been great debate among the household about whether that was a misguided gift or just plain fucking stupid. Did I mention that the pin comes from pro-life sources? No? Well, now I just did.

There as also been great debate about whether I had Nubain or not (I really have no idea whether I did or not) but I do know that I felt a lot worse after this procedure than the first one and I simply Could. Not. Wake. Up. whereas before I seem to recall feeling absolutely fine after the procedure. And the nurse admitted, after I said "I'm getting dizzy", to "slipping me something" just before we headed to the surgery. I don't ever want that again. It made recovery so much harder.

So with the great debates, there is clearly stress around the house. Overall, though, we're doing fine.

It's just been more fun to talk about badminton than to talk about losing another pregnancy.

So there.

More on our future plans in the future. Right now, I have to go analyze data for a paper.

Thursday, August 24, 2006


It's what we expected.

Actually, to be honest, because I'm still having so many pregnancy signs, I thought the embryo would still have a heartbeat. But it didn't.

We're ok. Honestly and truthfully, we're fine. I feel very lucky because my doctor has hospital duty tomorrow, so we're scheduled for a D&C tomorrow morning. It even works out well timing wise that we can take Conor to school, go to the hospital and then come home before Conor is ready to leave.

I'm glad I had a week to prepare for this. My original appointment after the beta tests would have been Monday. Can I just say, that would have sucked? Especially since I still feel pregnant, it would have really sucked.

So, thanks for checking in. There's a 20% chance of rain today and the sun is brightly shining.

It's not good news, but it's not unexpected.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

More Dismal Thoughts

I wish I could be light and lively, but I just don't feel that way.

It angers me that I'm still having pg signs despite not being hopeful. (And I'm not being pessimistic here; I'm being realistic) I am completely winded when I walk up the stairs at school. I am about to puke sitting here at my desk after lunch. I have gained not a pound, but the waist on my pants and skirts are getting tighter. My boobs still hurt like a mother whenever Conor nurses.

All these, I would consider "good signs" if I didn't feel the impending D of doom approaching.

More unfun facts: Dave found a 1998 study of 2164 singleton pregnancies in which ALL of the embryos between 6 to 8 weeks with heart rates below 85 bpm suffered dismise. (That is dismal, I say) What freaks me out from that study is that even in the "good" heart rate ranges, there is still up to a 10% miscarriage rate! Even when things are Hunky Dory--you're not out of the woods yet. Only when the heart rate gets over 146 bpm between 7 and 8 weeks does the miscarriage rate drop down to between 3 and 5%. I would like to point out that 5% is still high!!!! There are no guarantees for the first 12 weeks!

Melinda's comment yesterday confirms what I think is going on: things are still happening inside me, but they are slowly demising. That explains why I'm still feeling nauseated and bfing is painful, but why I fully expect that tomorrow's ultrasound will not have good news.

I wish I could be more hopeful. I wish that I could be optimistic and have any expectation that we'll get good news. But it's too painful to hope right now. Those 20% of women who get good news have got to be in the 85-100 bpm range. They are not hanging out in the lowly 80s at nearly 7 weeks pregnant.

I just felt the need to check in and spread my doom and gloom. Go check out another blog that is happy. I'm not that one today.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I was trying to think of a more witty title, but it was requiring too much effort, and I just don't have the time or energy.

We're OK. Maybe that should have been the title.

Yes, we know there is still some hope, but that hope feels very painful to me. I keep playing with the numbers, and yes, it does sound encouraging as my good friend pointed out that there's a 1 in 5 chance that everything will be ok. (I envision a lottery among 5 women and 1 wins) I could be that one person. But I keep identifying more with the 4 other women. To hope, to really want, to expect, that I'm the one who wins and then to be disappointed hurts a lot.

I've actually made the analogy more like there are 100 women in the low heart rate lottery and 15 actually win---a completely healthy baby comes to them at the end of their nine/ten months. Although the probability is high that one of the children will have a chromosonal abnormality, which I think must be Down's.

So, anyhoo, we're expecting to be one of the 85. But even as I write that, pathetically as even I write that, I think "Am I still having pregnancy symptoms? Is that indigestion/nausea from nerves or from something still growing inside me? But why did I not have ANY indigestion from Sunday night all through Monday and I have it now!? Why was I so nauseated last night? But burping helped (!), so is that 'real' morning sickness? And what were those cramps yesterday? Was my cervix dilating getting ready for a spontaneous miscarriage? Can I even have a spontaneous miscarriage at this stage? What are my progesterone and HCG levels? Is it possible to have a spontaneous miscarriage right now or are we in the D&C stage only? And even if the baby has already experienced that bad d-word 'demise', will my hormones immediately decrease so that all pg symptoms stop or do they slowly decrease so I still feel pg even when I'm not? And WHY THE HELL is my belly popping out already? Am I just fatter than I thought or is something actually growing in there or is my body stupid and still growing even though nothing is alive in there or is it my imagination and my pants have always been this tight in my waist? And why am I thinking about all of these things when I am giving myself false hope for an event that is highly unlikely, that is not going to occur, and I need to just shut down that possibility and protect my weepy little heart especially since I tend to cry a lot in my office at work--thank god(dess) for doors. It's not going to be good news--just stop thinking about it and prepare for the worst so your heart won't be stomped on any further. Let it be an unimagined surprise if something good happens, because it's not going to happen anyway."

So there. Welcome to my world. It's sort of sucky.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Well, Crap

So, uh, yeah. Yesterday was the ultrasound.

And things didn’t go so well.

The good news (and sadly, there was good news) is that the baby is measuring right on schedule. According to when I ovulated, I was 6w6d yesterday and the baby measured 6w5d. This is much better than the m/c pregnancy where I went in at 6w4d and measured 6w1d.

However, that is it as far as the good news goes. The rest of the news ranges from potentially neutral to “dismal”—the term I frequently read in the medical journals yesterday.

The potentially neutral info is that I have a subchorionic bleed. “A what?” you ask as I did. It’s a blood clot in the placenta. There is great debate in the medical journals as to whether this is bad or not. Most folks believe it doesn’t mean anything as long as it can bleed out (explains the spotting last week, no!?). However, there is some evidence that it could be related to a 20% miscarriage rate.

Oh, if we could be that lucky.

Nope, we’re currently hanging out in the 80% miscarriage rate. The heart rate yesterday was 80 bpm. Average for the age of our peanut is around 137, but the med journals like to see something at least between 120 and 130. Between 110 to 120 is considered borderline and is associated with a 20% chance of miscarriage. From 100 to 110 is considered slow and is associated with a 60% miscarriage rate. Less than 100 is considered very slow with a dismal prognosis with an 80% chance of demise. I find it odd that all the discussions on heart rates this low involve D words like dismal and demise, but not death.

Also, in case you’re wondering, during the first m/c at 6w4d, the heart rate was 105, which we were told was normal but was really borderline. And it was measuring too small!!

Our doctor says he’s not ready to throw in the towel yet which astounds me. Yes, I know that it ain’t over till the fat lady sings, but if you want to come over to our house, we can hear her warming up in the hall. She’s running through her scales and copiously using throat spray.

How am I doing? I’m really pissed off. I’m pissed off that everything seemed “better” this time. I still have sore boobs, serious fatigue, indigestion and morning sickness—including gagging over the toilet this morning. The HCG numbers were stronger and supposedly in the normal range. But even then I get angry thinking that I TOLD THEM that the numbers didn’t seem to be as good as they kept saying.

And yes, it is possible that we’re in the 20% of the population who go back next week and get a perfectly normal heart rate. It’s possible, but it’s not likely. Over 100,000 women with embryo heart rates less than 80 bpm, 20,000 will go back to normal the next week. (Sadly, 5,000 of those will still have a miscarriage before 12 weeks). But 80,000 of those women will have a dismal demise usually within the next week. I don’t believe in miracles; I believe in statistics. And the probability is very high that next week, when we go back in, there will no longer be a heartbeat. There’s an 80% chance of rain. We should take our umbrella.

Thursday, August 17, 2006


The Scene: Conference Hotel Lobby, early afternoon. A frizzy headed woman in a navy blue suit is hurrying through the lobby towards a conference room with a worried expression on her face. She is chairing the session and needs to arrive early enough to help the presenters with any last minute issues.

Slowly, it becomes apparent that something is wrong. She knows that her kitten heeled pumps have gotten caught in the too long hem of the pants of her navy blue suit, but she thinks she can recover. It becomes apparent that she can't. Her feet become stapled together in the hem of her pants.

She begins her descent, a frizzy blue pine tree falling in a well populated section of the woods.

Her purse goes flying behind her. Her laptop goes forward. Her soft briefcase goes to the side. She swears she could hear a low gutteral, slow motion"nooooooooo" from somewhere around her, but most likely it's just an "ugh" she makes when she lands on her knees.

Men in suits rush over to her. "Are you ok!?" "Just my ego is bruised," she lies thinking for sure that her knees must be bleeding (they were not, so she is very glad she didn't look at them in public.) They help her up and hand her the scattered bags.

"At least," she thinks, "I was not wearing my pajamas."

Monday, August 14, 2006

Let the Yakking Begin

Yes, it's good news, I suppose. Although in all honesty, I have only yakked once: Saturday night after a very big dinner in celebration of my old(er) hag birthday. It caught me completely by surprise--I was starting to wash my face and I thought "I'm going to....." and then I did. Since then, there has been no yakking but a lot of burping, indigestion and nausea. Yippee!!

I do hope it's a good sign, but Dave and I still have a "wait and see" attitude until we get past 12 weeks. The ultrasound on Thursday will be somewhat reassuring, but I've scared myself enough on the Internets to know I should stay off the f*ing internets.

That should be easier for the next few days. I'm in Atlanta for a conferene and am getting ready to leave Right Now to start a marathon day of sessions.

So ta-ta and let's hope for good conferencing and good gestating. And little yakking in public.

Friday, August 11, 2006


The numbers came back. The nurse said I was a little over 9088. The doctor seemed to think that was good. I thought that was low. And since I'm obsessing over the Internet and it's information, I know more....right!?

9088 is a doubling rate just below 72 hours, which according to BabyMD is exactly right. They say that after 1200, doubling rates are between 72 and 96 hours. However, Betabase has the doubling rates lower and the hcg at 27 dpo as lower than the median, but in the right range. The range for 6 week past LMP is so huge (1,080 - 56,500 hCG in mIU/ml) as to be unusable.

Again, who do I trust? Betabase or the internets? Where do they get that information? How "off" from the true population is Betabase?

At least the number does not immediately indicate a real problem. But I am not assured.

Flip a Coin

What I've seen on the web and in my pg books is that "bleeing*** in early pregnancy is not necessarily a problem." Ok, fine, I'll take that. The estimates range that from 20 to 25% of women spot and/or bleed in the first trimester and of those 50 to 60% do not have a miscarriage.

Well, on the one hand that is sort of good news: it's not an imminent sign of a problem. But on the other hand, flip a coin!? Heads you have a healthy pregnancy, tails you don't. YIKES!!!!!

HOWEVER, after all that freak-myself-out-there information, I do not think we have a problem. I *do* think that what is going on is related to implantation and the growth of the little peanut in my belly. I *do* think that it's a broken capillary from the growing placenta. I only *freaked out a little* yesterday when I had another stain/tint/almost-clear-but-still-kind-of-brownish spot at 4:30 pm. And then nothing else happened. One hour. Two hours. 4 hours. And now 16 hours later and nothing else has happened.

I think it's ok. I really do. And if I'm wrong, I appreciate the warning that something sad is about to happen.

And better yet, my boobs hurt like a mother when Conor nursed last night. I have never been so happy to hurt in my life. And I love my alternating nausea and heartburn. Yay for digestion problems!!!

And yes, as for continuing to nurse, we see the big W in our future. (wean) Rumor has it that it's during the second month that the milk dries up and/or changes taste. We are definitely clearing the path out for Conor to move on from the boob, and we have made progress. I can distract him from nursing as soon as he gets home from school. That leaves us with 2 sessions during the day and both of which is has given up on one day or another. I don't feel like pushing it. I think he'll move there on his own. And if I had not miscarried in December, I have no doubt that right now I'd be tandem nursing, like billions of women have done over the years. (Check out the Red Tent for more info on what women had to do way back in the day. I really didn't like that book so much, except for that part)

So I'm feeling positive right now that everything will be fine I don't think we're at the point where we're in a "flip a coin" situation. I think are odds are a little better. I could be wrong. But I feel good right now.

And that counts for something.

***Thanks to Dave for pointing out that "bleeing" during pregnancy is not so much of a problem, whereas bleeding is of more concern. However, I really like that typo, so I'm keeping it. Honestly, I think bleating is more of an issue, which is, as I define it, the sound a pregnant mother makes when her two year old latches on.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

This is harder than I thought it was going to be

I really was doing fine with not freaking out about this pregnancy until the second beta scores came back. Everything else has been so above normal, I wanted them to be, too.

Then last night, I had a tiny amount of spotting. I'm not even sure it was spotting, but it was something and it freaked me out. I've also been cramping off and on since last night. The good news is that there's been no more spotting.

The "better" news is that I'm going in for another quantitative beta/hcg test in 45 minutes. And they've moved up my ultrasound to next week. The doctor thinks that it is/was implantation bleeding, but that doesn't make sense to me---I thought that only happened around 10 to 14 dpo. However, I did see something (which I can't find again) that said that brownish blood (like I saw) could be due to the growing placenta and blood being caught behind it. Or a number of other sites I've seen that say it's ok.

Anyhoo, that's the scoop.

This is a very hellish ride. And now I know why there are so many support groups for women who are pregnant after a miscarriage. It's exciting, but it sucks.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Have I mentioned how hard it is to focus with everything going on?

We've scheduled an ultrasound in 3 weeks. I think my head will explode before then. This waiting around to see if everything is going to be OK has been a lot harder than I anticiapted. (Although, like a good psychologist, I know humans are horrible at anticipating how they are going to feel in the future) As long as I feel indigestion/heartburn, which is most of the time, I feel like everything is going to be ok. It's when I feel fine that I worry.

Oh, yes, and have I mentioned my boobs lately? Not I don't recall doing that lately. My boobs are ginormous. I'm in a bra size I never thought possible for my body. And the pain, the PAIN, during nursing. Well, it's reassuring to feel like my boobs are being stabbed with ice picks whenever Conor latches on. I don't like it, but it's something I never felt with the m/c. So the day nursing doesn't hurt is the day I'll Freak. The. Hell. Out.

I've also been googling forever to see if anything indicates twins, and honestly, no. There are no reliable signs that one is carrying twins or a singleton EXCEPT for an ultrasound. So, this thing causing so much indigestion and booby pain could just be one rowdy child.

The other exciting things around our house include:
  • A dead hawk, killled by the fearless owls inhabiting our yard and scaring the hell out of the neighbors and the dogs
  • My four pair of new shoes from Payless, during the NC tax free weekend. Unfortunately, cheap shoes are ....cheap. And I have humongo blisters and am walking out of the pair I like most. Poory on them, but I'm not giving up. They are cute!
  • The two year molars coming in most actively at 2 am. This is not fun. And once again, I am completely disgusted by what teeth look like when they break through a child's gums. It's wrong to have flesh slowly broken by these huge rocks. blech. The disruption in sleep sucks too.

I felt like this was going to be a much more clever post when I was thinking about it. But I can feel the energy draining from my head and meeting up with the acid at the top of my throat. Maybe the acid is eating all the energy I have.

And yes, I'm still worried. I won't be satisfied until I see a healthy beating heart on the ultrasound. But I can't do anything about this. It's completely out of my control. So, I just have to wait and "let it go" and focus on other things that can help me be productive.

I have plenty to do.

Friday, August 04, 2006



The doubling time, based on when I took the test, is 47.5 hours. This is good. So, yay.

However, it was like a stab in my gut. The Betabase site says that women at the number that I started with double, on average, in about 39.5 hours. This specific site even says that although I'm in the normal range, I'm not even in the "most" normal group.

I was a little upset when the nurse called, so she had another doctor review it. This doctor reported back that the number was "very good" and even used the word "perfect". They want me to come in for an ultrasound at 8 weeks--August 25th or so. I thought my doc wanted me to come in earlier, but I could be wrong.

The news is much better than the m/c pregnancy where then doubling time was closer to 56 hours.

It's better, but I want clear, happy, unambiguous news that everything is going to be absolutely NORMAL.

So it's good news. yay!

But I still don't feel out of the woods yet.

I Always Told Dave He Married A Younger Woman

"Conor, how old are you?"

"I two!"

"How old is Daddy?"

"Five, six, seven, eight!"

"How old is Mommy?"




I'll post the new Beta numbers after I get them this afternoon.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Twins or Not Twins: That is the Question….

...that I have been obsessing about for the last 17 hours.

First, I just have to hope that today’s numbers double. Whether there is a singleton or twins or a litter in there, the most important thing is that the numbers double. The numbers did not quite double for the m/c, although they were still in the viable range. This time, I want at least a doubling from Tuesday’s 892. By the way, this baby’s –babies’ ?—Hcg is nearly double what I had with the miscarriage at 18 dpo although both are well within the normal range.

OK. Now, here is what is going on in my mind.

It’s a Singleton

Although my Hcg number is significantly higher (outside the typical range) of the scores generally given on the Internets—average 292, range from 70 to 758—it is very much within the range of normal healthy singletons at 18 dpo on Beta Base. If you note that data base of beta score, 892 falls near the top but right in the center of the distribution of normal single successful pregnancies. I know from statistics, that being in the middle of the normal range means….it’s normal, average, just like everybody else. :-) I’m smart that way, you see.

There are a few questions I have about both of those charts (one indicating I’m out of the typical range and one saying I’m right in the middle). First—where did the internets range come from? You can find it everywhere, including most medically sanctioned web sites! So what is it based on? A random selection of pregnant women? All pregnant women and not just ones with successful pregnancies? How many women participated? (BTW, the web site entitled IVFer’s HCG Survey Page which although kind hearted and popular is NOT scientifically valid and therefore should not be used as a source of medical information) I actually can say that with my background in research methods.

OK, so back to comparing BetaBase with the Internets. I can see that BetaBase has 1804 women contributing singleton numbers and 563 women with twins at 18 dpo. These are not trivial numbers. But (!) why is the range of beta base so different from the Internets? Beta Base’s 502 average singleton at 18 dpo is not equal to 292 from the Internets. Are the women on BetaBase somehow different from the women from the other range? Most women do not know their beta counts at 18 dpo, so it is quite possible that they are different.

Nonetheless, the ranges do not overlap, which from a statistics standpoint makes me suspicious. If both charts were based on the true population distribution of Hcg at 18 dpo, the charts would be about the same. They are not. Even looking at the comparison of those two charts at 14 dpo, they almost do not overlap at all! That’s crazy!!! It implies to me that the numbers of at least one, if not both, of those charts are not based on the overall population of women. Since I can see the high number of women who have participated in BetaBase, I trust it more.

So in that case, I’m right in the middle of Singleton.

Actually, it’s Twins!

On the other hand, I’m also smack dab in the middle of twindome based on BetaBase, too. Using their database at 18 dpo for twins, I’m exactly in the middle/normal/most people responded in this range for twins. (!)

I also have been searching for information about whether my progesterone level indicates twins. According to this site, my number (29.2) is high based on 1) what stage I am and 2) that I’m not taking supplements. But what does that mean for twins? Some sites say that progesterone is higher in twins, some say it isn’t .

Then there’s the sore neck and shoulders. HA! Google that and see if anyone else thinks that’s a sign of twins. Ummmm, it’s not. At least, not yet. So the scoop is that when I was pg with Conor, I had horrible upper back pain and went to a chiropractor for the first time. Apparently, the relaxin of early pregnancy had caused my back to get all tweaked. But that pain didn’t start for a while after we found out I was pg, and it wasn’t bad enough that I needed help till nearly ten weeks or so.

By dinner last night, I couldn’t move my head, I was in so much pain—and I was even using the good ergonomically designed chair in the office! It just seems to be way to early to be in this much pain. I’m not even 5 weeks pg yet! (That starts tomorrow!!) So I googled like a wild woman on relaxin and twins and found out that ummm, yes. Relaxin is higher for successful pregnancies and for twin pregnancies, although it’s the highest for twin pregnancies which had ovulation help. In fact, one article even said that one could use relaxin as a clinical indicator of the potential for a successful pregnancy.

So is my back pain due to the extra relaxin or due to my excitement of being pg or the fact that I'm pg for the second time and more receptive to relaxin's effects? I don’t know!

Am I having twins!? I don’t know! In fact, all this research has made clear to me is that progesterone and HCG numbers don’t really tell you squat about whether you’re having twins or not. Relaxin could, but I don’t know that number and if I had a hard time searching for average progesterone numbers, I’d have a snowball’s chance in hell finding relaxin’s numbers.

Soooooo, we have to wait for the ultrasound. And we really and truly have to wait to see that today’s numbers have doubled.

Fingers crossed on good news.

ETA: I just found the study that discusses where that table of "normal" HCG values comes from....and guess what!? It involves 1) low numbers of women and 2) pregnancies that were not successful. Betabase is by far the better database on tracking your HcG scores!!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Well Alrighty Then

The nurse just called.

My beta is 892 (!) and my progesterone is 29.3. The doctor was excited about the progesterone (as I am an old fart and could have issues). I am floored by Hcg number!!

I know yesterday was 18 dpo. The average number for Hcg is 292 with a range of from 70-758.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking!? No, you are RIGHT! You cannot tell twins from Beta/HCG because the average/range of twins falls within the average/range of singletons. What I really want is that the number doubles by tomorrow. That would be very good!

[ETA] Here is a database in which women enter in their beta numbers on dpo. It's called Beta Base.

What do you think!?

So Far, So Good

Of course, that means absolutely nothing because I have yet to receive even my first beta results yet, much less that vastly more important second count. But, WTF, I'm still pregnant today.

Yesterday's doctor's visit low key but long. (I forgot how it takes an hour to get that 15 minute doctor's visit in.) I peed in a cup which they promptly tested and said Lo and Behold, something is happening in there! The checked my blood pressure (at 88 over 58!) and was amazed I was standing upright. Low BP is not uncommon in early pg, especially when one is as thirsty as I was. Then they checked out my insides and said 1) my cervix is healthy (!) and 2) I was in the early stages of pregnancy.

The blood letting came last and I can check my results this afternoon. You betcha, I shall.

I am experiencing more than a few feelings about this stage. I am happy something is going on, but we really don't know if it's going to stick around. I get excited thinking that we really and truly may be pregnant. But what if my numbers came back horrible today? What if the rate of increase is too low!? What if everything is fine!?

Actually, everything is fine. Everything is going to be fine no matter what happens. That's just how life is.

However, today it is hot as hell! I was supposed to go running today, but my run turned into a swim. At one point, going up a hill, I had the distinct impression that in a former life I was a trout swimming upstream who was subsequently and unexpectedly eaten by a bear. That's how hot it is: I have connections to my past lives.

My shoulder is also killing me. So far, at the beginning of all three of my "real" pregnancies, I've had incredible back, neck and shoulder pain which I'm going to assume is from some hormone or another relaxing some tendon or another. Ow. And although Dave is a great back massager, we're talking about Month *1* out of 9. Or 10. Depending on when you start counting.

Back to work. Conor's bed stayed dry last night and I do like the idea of using Duct Tape. It just may come to that, and I will thank You, the Internets for yet another good idea.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Get that Hand Off Your Weenis

How's that for a title!?

We're having diaper issues with our little monkey. And they stem from his continuing infatuation for his boyhood (and I don't mean his carefree days as a young child). Yes, I fully believe this is normal (and son, if you're reading this 15 or so years from now and your face is about to catch in fire, it's ok!! All the other little boys and little girls do/did it, too! It's normal!). Nonetheless, it is getting quite irritating when he's been down there so much he's loosened up his diaper and has an accident in the middle of the night.

Which happened TWICE Sunday night. Poor thing waking up in a puddle of cold pee, it's no one's idea of a good time. And then having to change pajamas and sheets twice in one night just takes up time that is better spent comfortably lying down with one's eyes closed, alone, and in the dark with a cat on your head. But maybe that's just me...

Dave wants to prevent all handling of the weenis before bed to prevent leakage, but that means that our monkey's hand is then free to tweak my boobs during nursing, which irritates me more than changing his pajamas in the middle of the night.

So last night, Dave put the diaper on quite snugly and then tucked the top of Conor's pjs into the bottom. Ohhhh, clever. Conor was frustrated, but not enough to try to pull his top out of his bottom. He did at one point try to get into his diaper crying out Mine! Mine! as toddlers are wont to do about everything at this stage.

But we kept him "pure" last night and he woke up dry. I think we ought to try some night time pull ups that way he can still enjoy his body but not break the seal on his diaper. I think Dave finds that to be a libertine attitude, but I think toddlers are all Id right now, and I think making too big of a deal of it will do more harm than good.

On a completely different note, I couldn't get into the doctor's office yesterday because they have a new policy which includes going in for a confirmatory pg test before they'll do blood work. They originally wanted to schedule me for Thursday which would preclude any follow up 48 hour test, which I crankily pointed out.

So they "worked me in" today. I should get the results of the first test back tomorrow. Fingers crossed that it's a good number and that the rate on Thursday is right along Normal.

Back to work for me.