Thursday, April 03, 2008


"Why, oh, why, oh, why did I post that we were going to cycle?" I asked myself as I headed to an unscheduled visit with the surgeon. I really am not particularly superstitious but sometimes I do feel like I can jinx myself when I publicly express a hope that is not yet real.

So why was I heading back to my surgeon? Well, it had to do with the blood in my stool that's been happening on and off for the last 5 days. And this blood is nothing like the problems I had with my booty previously. This was obviously Blood In and Around the Things You Do Not Want Me to Discuss on this Blog. When it started on Sunday/Monday, I thought it was due to the double dose of naproxin I took for the HSG. Indeed, when it went away on Tuesday, I rejoiced. And then, when it came back Wednesday night, I despaired.

So I drove to the surgeon, not at all happy that I was bleeding out my butt again and that I had talked about starting the cycle on the blog before everything was official. The "good" news is that I'd had my final blood panel to prep for the IVF on Tuesday and I was able to call my IVF nurse and ask her for the results, telling her I was feeling a bit dizzy. (I didn't want to mention the extra blood as she might automatically cancel my IVF).

Let me pause for a moment and say that there is NO WAY I want to do this without being 100% healthy. I don't want to waste the money nor the eggs without knowing that I will actually live to give birth and not leave my children motherless. So I am more than willing to wait however long the doctors want until I'm in a fit state (as opposed to pitching a fit). So I was and am more than willing to wait to be a healthy woman to start this.

The nurse called back and although my hemoglobin was quite high for me (12.6 when 12 is the cut off. I usually run around 11.9), my hematocrit was low at 35.6 when normal is 37. Crap. (Literally, if you will)

So into the surgeon's office I went, having my IVF nurse fax over the results, both of us feeling crappy.

And then guess what? No. Big. Whoop. The surgeon says it isn't typical, but it's not abnormal either. Essentially, it's like I have an internal scab that my poop has picked off my colon. (Lovely!!) But it's *nothing* to be concerned about and *nothing* to stop this cycle.

So we're still on!!!!

And when I called my IVF nurse for the third time today and told her that I had a positive OPK and she called back making it the fifth time we talked to each other *just today*, we were both pretty dang excited. I go in Sunday for my first set of bloodwork for this cycle to make sure I've ovulated and then, I will start Lupron next week.

What an emotional day.

ETA: I forgot to put in here yesterday that the reason for the title of this post is that the surgeon dismissed me from this illness and seeing him again. I'm done! I'm healthy or soon enough I will be.


Anonymous said...

Anita, I swear...for someone as nice as I know you are, I think there's still a smidgen of sadist in you somewhere. This was the most roller coaster post I've ever read!

So very glad it has a happy ending :-)

And, as for the why take the chance of "jinxing" something you want so much to happen? My theory is that holding back on hopeful news like yours really only applied in the days before the internet. At this stage of the game, however, you want all possible positive vibes heading in your direction, and where better to solicit them than from this band of caring semi-strangers you've gathered around your blog?

Optimism it is!


Piratewench said...

Heavy, relieved sigh!!

Now stop that!!