Tuesday, April 01, 2008

I Think This is Really Happening

I've been waiting for the official word that things are going to be starting for us for IVF, and apparently there is no "YES! You may proceed after surgery!" proclamation that is handed out. (And no, this isn't an April Fool's joke....unlike the one I pulled on my class this morning when I told them they were going to have a pop quiz. The look on their faces! The dread!! The "Oh Shit" attitude!!! Teehee! In case you're wondering, you just don't give pop quizzes to senior level students. So when I said "April Fools!", it took them a while to recover, but it was heee-sterical!)

Ok. Back to the real stuff. Dudes. We're starting our suppression cycle! Now! YIKES! I just got off the phone with the special order pharmacy and the medication arrives tomorrow. And our insurance is covering A LOT more than we thought!! And for the other medications, we joined a VIP/Frequent flier program at the special order pharmacy for $12 a year and a boatload of the meds will be less than half price. All in all the medications have thus far turned out to be half what we budgeted! Whew!! We still have to pick up some things from our local pharmacy, but it's antibiotics and a Valium for the transfer so things are looking great medication-wise.

And tomorrow we take our injectibles class where Dave and I learn to give each other shots. Well, he learns to give me shots and I learn to give myself shots. And on Friday, I had another HSG (just to make sure there is nothing in the way to prevent a pregnancy). We have our trial transfer scheduled in 2 weeks (to make sure the docs can actually do the transfer of embryos with no big surprises). And presently, we are just waiting for me to ovulate so we can wait a week or so before starting the Lupron to turn off all my hormones. (And put me into a menopausal state and scare the crap out of Dave. I might have read somewhere that "irritability" can occur.)

So despite trying to be up on everything I just leared that the first month, the docs turn off everything and the second month, they slowly turn everything back on so they can do all the things they need to do when they want to do them. Or something like that. Hopefully, I'm going to be responsive to the drugs which means that things will go quicker rather than upping the dosages and waiting until I respond before everything starts.


The good news is that because of the timing of my cycle, the retrieval/transfer will happen at approximately 2 months after my surgery date which is when our doc said we could do this. Really, folks. It was Friday when he did my HSG that he gave us the go-ahead based on my cycle and the surgery and the expected timing of everything that we got the OK for this.

This may have something to do with my insomnia lately. Do you think? But it appears to be really happening. Really! Of course, now I fear that my excitement will lead to abject failure and that tomorrow we'll be told it's a No Go and that everything was not as we expected and that this is not going to happen. I have to tell you that although that fear may seem irrational to you, it seems all too real to me based on everything that has happened these last two and a half years. And of course, the probability of success is pretty low. So don't anybody get their hopes up!

Nonetheless, I *think* it might work. And I know I just told everyone not to hope, but I do hope that it will.



Scott said...


Anonymous said...

I wonder. Do you read the comments?

Would it be possible for you to read the chapter in the book entitled 'The Anatomy of Hatha Yoga'. This book was written by a regular anatomy prof who studied yoga for decades.

There's a chapter about breathing.

'Yoga breathing', the sounded breath, which involves using the diaphragm is nothing more and nothing less than a means to de-activate the sympathetic nervous system. The sounded portion gives you the aural feedback that you are doing as you are meant to be doing.

Since you are a psychology professor, you should appreciate the ability to learn to damp down the sympathetic nervous system. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by indulging oneself in ramping up anxiety and adrenaline levels.

We cannot influence future events by working ourselve up into an emotional lather. In fact, outcome is improved for many events if we can actually damp down our panic response.

So, waddaya think doc?

I use sounded breath most of my waking hours. It makes a huge hell of a difference in my life and my practice. For some bizarre reason which I am still unable to figure out, most of my patients fall asleep in the chair. It's getting to be a nuisance.

We had a 4 year old little boy for his first ever appointment today. His mother was anxious. Little boy eventually started to fall asleep.

What the hell am I doing?

Must be the Ujai breathing.... :)


nancy said...

I am crossing everything for you.

Anita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Piratewench said...

You can't see me, but I'm doing the happy dance!!!!!

Awesome to hear about the insurance. And you know what, the shots weren't that bad either!

Anonymous said...

I'm wildly impressed that you only used "YIKES!" three times in this post.

I know nothing about the IVF process, Anita, so will remain glued to the monitor for the duration of your reports on all this. Crossed fingers make it hard to type, but cautious optimism will be streaming in your direction for the duration.

And a slew of virtual hugs, as well :-)

Carroll (muttering because I really thought I had Blogger comments squared away again. Grrr!)

OneTiredEma said...

(not) hoping over here.


Evelin said...

Hey, I didn't get valium! Or a trial transfer (thank god for small favors). But for us, I don't think I was particularly irritable on the false menopause ... but I did get MAJOR night sweats. My hot flashes. It was so extreme that I sweat (sweated? Swot?) through my pjs and soaked the sheets. At least onece. And probably more like ... 3-4 times.

Enough of that image! Congrats on starting your IVF!!!!!!!