Friday, January 19, 2007

Categorizing Myself

I still have a really hard time categorizing myself as Infertile or even having Secondary Infertility problems. I keep looking at Conor and thinking that "Well, heck, there's evidence that things are working right there. I'm just having a bit of bad luck." And then I hear this GIANT clock ticking behind my head and I realize that if I was 10 years younger, even 5 years younger, I'd have a hell of a lot more wiggle room for having this next child.

It's just that with 2 miscarriages and 3 chemical pregnancies under my belt, I guess I ought to think we're having problems and I should call myself something else besides just regular TTC. Yes, you read that right: 3 chemical pgs. The good news this month is that finally something happened. The bad news is that it didn't stick.

It was a very weak "something" although I thought it implanted early on, by the time I broke down and bought a FRER test, we had the "light of a thousand suns" faint positive. The problem is that at 12 dpo when I took the test, it should have been a clear positive not a barely-there-can-I-really-see-it-positive. And whatever signs I was having were gone by the next day.

So we're scheduled for the HSG. Even if it doesn't do anything and even if just had a chem pg, as Dave said, if it helps even a little, it seems like we should give it our best effort. So there we go.

We're just rolling the dice. Every month, we're just rolling the dice and hoping that we finally come up with our lucky numbers.

I'm just not sure I'm ready to call myself infertile yet. I'm merely pregnancy challenged.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

Sorry I haven't posted in *forever*! I highly recommend the HSG - I was pg within 10 days. Now, I know getting pg doesn't always mean staying pg, but it's still a good thing. I had mine at Mercy. October 2002 if you want to read about it in my blog archives!