Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Good News

We were at a wedding over the weekend and the theme/icon for the wedding was a big, full tree. Since 1) it looked like the tree in my meditations and 2) we were going to have the ultrasound when we came back, I took it as a good sign. I now even have a pretty nice tote bag with this tree on it.

So, the ultrasound was yesterday and the results were good. There is only one in there, which I have to say suprises me (!), but I think that will make life a lot easier! Second, they could see the fetus/embryo through a regular ultrasound and the heartrate was 136. We did end up going up the coochie to get a more accurate measure, but pretty much I was excited we could see the baby and hear the heartbeat from a regular ultrasound. The heart beat at this stage puts us at a 9% miscarriage rate.

I'm not sure exactly when I ovulated--I know the positive OPK but I'm not sure if I ovulated the next day or the next. So based on those estimates, my measurements should either be 7w0d or 6w6d. I ended up measuring 6w6d which I hope is ok. If it is measuring accurately and the heartbeat goes up the average 8 beats per day, then very soon, I should be in a 5% miscarriage rate.

Things look good! I know that and I'm glad and not overly worried in that punch-to-the-gut feeling. However....

Have you had your heart broken before? In that next relationships, aren't you a little bit more cautious even if things are going fantastic? Don't you really want the proof of time before you start daydreaming about a future together? Before you start counting on having a date to the company picnic or even thinking that you can count on someone being there to watch the Sci Fi Marathons with you on Friday nights? (Maybe that was just Dave and me.....)

In any case, I'm glad the news is good and I'm relieved. But I'm not esctatic nor am I 100% positive that everything is going to be ok. (Can I get an amen from any other women who've had a miscarriage before?) I know intellectually that this is really good news. I do, folks! I'm not being a spoil sport. But a 9% miscarriage rate is still not a 0% miscarriage rate, even though it's much, MUCH better than the 75% or the 100% miscarriage rates we had on the last 2 pregnancies. (OK, if I look at it like that, I feel that we are definitely in a much better place)

It's just hard to be naive and gushy with this new relationship when your heart has been broken before. That's all I'm saying. This is a good start to a long term person in my life, but I have to wait just a little bit more and get a few more data points before my heart is completely open to loving this little peanut with everything I've got.


Anonymous said...

Wonderful news! I'm sure it's all going to work out beautifully.

On another subject, I've never heard of having a theme or icon for a wedding. Interesting!


Anita said...

This wedding was the most extravagant yet tasteful wedding I've ever been to. For example, when the bride and groom cut the cake, there was a 5 minute professional fireworks display. Not bottle rockets like what I'd likely have, but "real" fireworks.

So the tree "icon" was just one part of it!

Jennifer said...

Hey, Anita :)

I've been reading and celebrating with you from afar, but there's really no excuse for not having left a comment yet.

I'm so happy for you, especially hearing how normal everything sounds this time!

And the symbolism of the tree in your dream is awesome; I do believe that those things are meaningful.


Nancy said...

I hate to break the news to you, but you already love that little peanut with all you've got.

Congratulations, Anita. I couldn't be happier for you.

barbie2be said...

this is great news, Anita!

Anonymous said...

Been there, done that...and yes, bought the T-shirt. I miscarried at 9 weeks with my first pregnancy. It was heartbreaking, since I didn't know if it was just a fluke or something that meant I couldn't have kids. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was in constant dread for the 1st 3 months of the pregnancy that I would lose her. It wasn't until I passed that time that I could relax and enjoy the experience. When my son came along, I enjoyed the 1st 3 months so much more, just becuase I knew, in my heart, that the miscarriage was a fluke, my "1 in 3 chance" (or whatever the stats for miscarriage is now). I guess it also helped that, after my daughter's birth, I finally allowed myself to grieve about the whole thing. So, yes, there is life after miscarriage.

evelin said...

I say go for it and let your love just pour out. It might hurt more if things don't work out (but they will), but more love it more love is more love. But, y'know, that's my opinion.

Piratewench said...

Anita, I am always chuckling at the scientist in you, tossing out statistics. I'm so happy to hear that you're in a good place and that all is going well.