Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Hardest Thing....

about not blogging for a while is to think of a clever title to explain my absence. "Busy", "Still Healing", "Very, Very Busy", "I thought I was All Fine, But Then I Figured Out I Wasn't", "Busier Even Still", and finally, "HOORAY! Trader Joe's is coming to town!!!!"

Ok, so now you're pretty much caught up from my last entry.

First, HOOOORAY!!!! Trader Joe's *IS* coming to town. They are opening their first store in south Charlotte (boooo, too far away, yet I will still travel) and they are also looking at areas in Midtown Charlotte, which is a hop, skip and a jump from us. HOOORAY!!! It's the best news in a while!

Next, I thought I was doing fine, but I'm still having some bouts of sadness about the miscarriage. Even though I knew it was coming and I was prepared for it, I'm still quite sad that we're not pregnant again. Especially since my body continues to think I'm still pregnant as the hormones fade out of me. The boobs no longer hurt while nursing and on the Saturday after the m/c I was ravenous as I could eat for the first time in 5 weeks without indigestion. But my temperature is still up and I'm quite sure my HCG is still well above 0.

I'm ok. But I'm still quite emotional with both a short fuse and a tendancy to weep at about anything. And I'm tired. I'm soooooo tired. It's tough trying to recovery emotionally at the beginning of the school year. But them's the breaks.

In case you are wondering, (well, are you?), we're going to start trying again right away. I've have checked out as much as I can, and yes there is a slight increase in m/c if you get pg immediately after a D&E because the uterus may be irritated. But you know what? I'm irritated, too. And I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to waste a good egg, if it happens to be the next one up.

So there. That's how I know my HCG is still high enough that my body thinks I'm pg. I have gotten positive OPKs which somehow or another also measures whether your body thinks "something is going on" down there. After the last m/c, my first cycle returned really quickly, but I think it's because my HCG count was pretty low by the time we had the m/c. I think we were still high and it may be a week or more before my body finally picks up the notion that the womb is empty and it's time to move on.

I have a feeling that quite a few of you are freaking out reading this. I don't know why, but I do. Perhaps I'm still freaking out. I'm ready to move on and start trying again, and I'm a little disappointed that my body is slow to catch up with the program. BUT (!) I also completely trust that my body is moving at the right pace and when it's ready to try again, it will let me know.

My body reminds me of my husband right now: Somewhat irritating on the small stuff, but completely trustworthy.

I am SOOOOOOOOO going to get in trouble for that sentence!

6 comments:

Carroll said...

Anita! A husband who catches and successfully puts out electrical fires under the floor of your sleeping child's room (among other acts of extreme competence and heroism which you have recounted to the whole entire internet over the time we've known you and which have caused us to believe that you love the man dearly and are darn lucky to have found him)? TOTALLY worth any slight level of irritation! Besides, we all know that was just your hormones talking. "My body reminds me of my husband right now." Just leave the sentence at that, and go act on the reminder as soon as possible ;)

Jennifer said...

Hi Anita!

I wasn't freaking out reading that, but I sure am glad to see you back because I was worried about you.

(Oh, and Trader Joe's? All the coolest bloggers shop at Trader Joe's!! [Not that I've ever even SEEN one. Think they have any plans to move farther south?])

monicaz said...

My first m/c that was removed medically - I had high temps that gradually lowered over 2 weeks followed by bleeding. The next cycle was 5 weeks followed by annovulatory bleeding. I finally ovulated 2 weeks later. My second m/c that I choose not to do the surgical route and miscarriaged naturally about one and a half weeks after the sonagram with no heartbeat, I ovulated 3 weeks later. Hope this helps.

Nancy said...

Not freaking out, but still thinking of you often. If I were the hugging type I would send you hugs, but since I'm not I'll send you a hearty pat on the back.

Piratewench said...

You know what...there is no news better than the arrival of a Trader Joes. Congratulations on the joyous news. I remember reading a long time ago, on your blog, maybe a couple of years ago, that you didn't have one out there and thinking "what a bummer!!!!"

EmilyJane said...

I know you're excited about Trader Joe's coming to town! You responded to one of my emails a LONG time ago with something like, "Say hi to Trader Joe's" or "Trader Joe's rules" or something to that effect. So cute. yay for you!!!!! I love TJ's too. :-)