The Cleanse, Day 3

I am taking this one day at a time. I really don't know if I will go the whole 21 days. I'm not even sure I will go a whole week. I'm really trying to do this one day and one meal at a time.

Today, I feel much better. My headache is mostly gone and I have not been nearly as tired today as the first two days. Meals are continuing to be frustrating. I'm not sure how to eat enough calories and still be on the cleanse. On thing is clear: when you've cut out animal protein in a salad, nuts and an entire avocado do not add that many calories. Yum!

But it's amazing how much I eat is habitual instead of what I know is healthy for me. I really feel like if I could just stick with this long enough, I would learn a few quicky recipes that I wouldn't have to think so hard about what to make for dinner. (Or lunch. Or breakfast)

Also, the point of this cleanse is not perfection but progress and I've had to remind myself about that. I, like many folks, have tended to believe there is an end point in life where we've learned our lessons, put in our work, done what needs to be done and have "finished." While I like to continually remind Dave that I have tenure, even then, I'm not "done." So doing this cleanse doesn't take me to any end point. Nothing really ever takes us to an endpoint. (She thinks she makes a profound statement, but realizes all pistons may not be firing.) Instead, I'm hoping this takes me to a slightly better place than I was before. That's really all I want from this.

I want to be more aware of what I'm eating and where it comes from and what it does to me. I want to not eat from habit, and instead, to sample from the wide range of healthy options available to me. (Rice noodles are GOOD!!!)

I'm also trying very hard not to judge others for eating things they think are on the cleanse but I don't (e.g., green tea) and for thinking that what I eat is on the cleanse but they don't (e.g., agave nectar--yum!).

I don't think I'm done right now. I don't think I've learned whatever lesson I'm supposed to learn by decided to do this cleanse.

I will be glad when I'm done. That's for sure. I will be very happy to have cheese, coffee and wine back in that exact order. At this point though, I'm thinking I may consciously stay further away from sugar than I have in the best. I am also not sure I'll be as cozy with wheat as I was before.

But this is all day by day. And today is almost done. Hooray! And according to the scale this morning, I've already lost two lbs! HOORAY!