Thursday, May 04, 2006

Leaving On a Jet Plane

and freaking the eff out.

How many times have I fantasized about a night in a hotel room alone in which I could sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep? There have been a few times over the last 2 years where that has been my biggest fantasy.

Well, now it's getting ready to happen and I am not looking that forward to it. When Conor left this morning for daycare I was crying. I have a knot in my stomach and a general feeling of freaked-outed-ness.

How stupid am I that I didn't realize how upset I'd be about leaving him? (Actually, not that stupid. A great deal of psychological research shows that people are very poor at predicting how they are going to feel in the future) Nonetheless, when I woke up with this immense feeling of dread, it took a while to sort out all of the things in my life which could be causing it and to realize it's leaving my son and husband for 3 nights.


The only good thing is that when I come back, I'll be so excited and happy that I hope those positive feelings will make up for these negative feelings and I'll average out to a fine happy medium.

But then that means I'm anticipating how I'm going to feel in the future......

But I'll leave you with some cuteness:

Mommy, I u. Mommy! I U!

That is my son's version of I love you. The love thing, at this point, just gets in the way. The key words are I and U. (I assume he spells it that way in his head, too!) ;-) My other new favorite sentence is "Mommy, sit here!" as he points to the chair/space/floor beside him. The sentence I'm less enamored with hearing about the 14th time in one sitting is "More Side" which is the contraction of "more nurse, other side" It blows us away how much is vocabulary is exploding and he's starting to put together nouns and verbs for "real" sentences.

OK. I must finish my tasks here before I go. I'm just so freaked out about the whole thing.


OneTiredEma said...

(Belatedly figuring out you've moved!)

Oh, Anita, hugs to you. I also freaked out at the idea of leaving M for a few nights. She was fine during, not so fine afterwards, but we're working it all out. Some people are just so cavalier about leaving their babies/toddlers for a night or two...I don't get it. Maybe the nursing thing just puts it into a whole different category. Not sure.

Hope you have a fabulous trip though! (And a super reunion!)

Mandy said...

I just went on a business-related trip early last month, and it was the first time I had been separated overnight from Ivan (21 months). I empathize completely. Part of me was looking forward to it, but it turned out most of me was dreading it. Once I was there I was able to comparmentalize missing my son & husband and I actually enjoyed myself. The reunion once home was great too! Ivan seems to have suffered no ill effects, no compounded fear that Mommy will leave him. I also used that trip as an opportunity to wean him completely--we had gotten down to just one nursing before bedtime. I did not anticipate how painful the subsequent engorgement would be while on my trip, even though I had only been nursing on one side (only the right side, his preference) once a day--so that was not so fun! I hope your trip goes well.