Sleep and Curly Hair

((Insert comments about how busy I've been here))

OK!  Now that we have my excuses over, I'm going to talk about something that I've wanted to talk about, but have been too intimidated to post here on the blog as it is "public".  SLEEP.  Or How We Are Still Co-Sleeping With (and bfing) The Twins.  You should leave now if this topic annoys you or it might bug you.  (For those of you who don't have children or are way past this stage, sleep and how one's family accomplishes it appears to a controversial subject for modern parents)

But for everyone else who wants to know what it's like for a working mother to AP-ish with twins, keep reading.

So, umm, yeah. We are still co-sleeping.  Generally, we are really just co-sleeping with Bridget, because Christopher, THANK OUR LUCKY STARS, sleeps all night long in his crib.  Indeed, he is the ONLY child who regularly sleeps through the night. Conor usually gets up around 1:30 and either climbs in bed with us and he and Dave go sleep in the guest room, should our bed be over-crowded.

Again, if this bothers or annoys you, stop reading now!  This is our family's choice!  Your mileage may vary!

Bridget usually starts off in our bed because it's rare that the twins actually go to sleep at the same time at night and one tends to be rocking and rolling while the other one is nodding off.  We've also found it's easier to land Bridget in our bed than in her crib.  We're lazy parents and we like to do things the easy way, what can I say.

Fortunately, Bridget is the least likely of our sleep bunnies to want to be the middle part of an "H" or an "N" while we sleep. If you co-sleep, you know that I mean they sleep directly across (H) or diagonally across (N) the bed.  Bridget is more of a || sleeper meaning she is right up against either Dave or me.

Really, it's not bad, mostly because she is such a cuddler and I am, too.  (Break in story:  Christopher actually kissed me in his sleep one night!  In the middle of the night, he sat up, grabbed my face, kissed it, and went right back to sleep.  Have to say that was pretty dang special!)  But back to Bridget.  The main problem is when she's not all the way asleep and she shouts out (literally!): I WANT BOOBY!  BOOBY!

This is 1) where we think we should have taught them a different word and 2) where you should leave if your face is turning red.  We've actually made great progress on her not needing so much booby in the middle of the night.  Unfortunately, part of that transition is that she likes to sleep with her hand down my shirt.  Given the choice. . .

Well, let's just say that I sometimes lie in bed with my arms crossed over my chest until she's in a deeper sleep and I can push her over to Dave.  (And Dave would tell you if he had his own blog that she will go fishing down his shirt, too, which is a fine Howdy Doo way to wake up!)

So there.  The story arc for this post is somewhat (completely!) lacking, but that's what you get for reading the blog of a working mother of three.

We plan on bfing and co-sleeping until we stop.  You should take bets on when that will be, because we have no idea.

As for the curly hair, there are two sub topics.  One, I've started following the advice in the Curly Girl Handbook and my hair looks gorgeous, if I do say so myself.  Second, Conor was bullied yesterday on the bus because of his curly hair.  Some older kid made fun of it and told him that he was going to pull it all out so that Conor couldn't have curly hair anymore.

In all of Conor's life, I have never seen him so genuinely upset.  He's sensitive and cries, but this was different. He had real, deep hurt and real, grieving tears.  I had honestly thought the south had gotten past its issues with curly hair and that we had inoculated Conor to curl problems by keeping it long and celebrating it  his whole life.

So he and I took a walk away from everyone else at the bus stop so we could talk about it.  And I told him what I think is true:  this kid is jealous of Conor's curly hair.  Conor first denied that but I don't think he knew what jealous meant.  So then I asked him, "Conor, how many people have told you how beautiful your hair is?"  Conor thought for a moment and realized that he ALWAYS gets compliments on his hair wherever we go.  Strangers stop and stare at his hair and say "Don't ever cut that; it's beautiful!"  Then I said, "How many times do you think anyone has ever stopped this boy and told him how beautiful his hair his?" "Never," Conor said with some confidence.  We talked a bit more and moved on.

Last night, when Dave spoke to Conor about the incident, Conor told him that Mommy told him the boy was just jealous of his hair and it was all ok.

I'm hoping that this all ends up with a pat on my back for handling this situation well and preparing us for bigger issues.  I did email the head of busing for his school, who said he will address the issue.  I actually just responded with a hopefully subtle suggestion to handle this sensitively so that the problem does not escalate.

The problems change when they get older and the problems get more serious.  I have had several mom mentors tell me this about parenting.  I believe it's true.  But it's also true that these parents and their children are sleeping through the night and they don't remember what it's like to be tired all the time, either.

HA!  I did make a link back in the curls story back to the sleep story!  And that's the best I can do in this overly long post.

((Imagine here:  promises about how it's not going to be so long before I post again))

It Gets Easier

I'm not sure it gets better (like in the campaign I like so much), but I want to tell mothers of twins (or MOMs) that it gets easier when the twins get older.

I honestly feel like we have some semblance of normalcy back, which makes me reflect back on the last two years and realize how incredibly tough those times were. The first summer right after they were born was hard because they were coming out of NICU and catching up on their development and we were completely overwhelmed with comforting, feeding and getting the twins to sleep while remodeling our house. We were insane.

Last summer, I had the twins home with Conor mostly by myself because we couldn't afford to keep the nanny and there wasn't a spot in daycare. Naps were HORRIBLE. Giant boy twin and tiny needy, girl twin have different comfort, sleeping and eating needs, in case you were wondering. And all the baby/toddler paraphernalia and still trying to get the remodeled house sorted out = H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks.

This summer, well, they are in daycare, which I do not know how working parents who sometimes work at home do it otherwise. I am not a very good SAHM. I've never been one, but if I was one, I think I would be fired. On the other hand, I'm a GREAT working mom.

But it's not just daycare---the house is done on the inside. We've spent the summer working on the back yard and there is real progress on making an outdoor living area. And the CRAP! The BABY CRAP--is going away! All the enormous toys! All the paraphernalia! Bye-bye, sippy cups! Thanks for playing and I hope I never see you again.

We're HAPPILY and WITH GREAT JOY putting it all in a box to sell. And the house, it is clean. O.M.G. Do you know how happy that makes me?? And the twins are eating well. And sleeping well! And we can comfort them so much more easily than before. They are talking more and playing independently. And my life! It's there! On the horizon!! I see it!! It's coming closer and closer!!

Of course, my old self is being blocked quite substantially by my giant gut. The twins stretched it out and I didn't help with all the ice cream and french fries I've eaten in the last year or so. That's the next plan of attack---reduction of the excess Mother Thing to get back to normal.

It just has gotten so much easier. And I am so glad we're done and forever past the first two years of childhood.

My Bleb

I have a bleb. It is as lovely as it sounds. I will explain what a bleb is, but first I have two confessions.

1: I am still breastfeeding the twins.

2: they are still sleeping with us.

There! Now you know our dark secrets.

I talked a lot more about breastfeeding with Conor than I have with the twins. I'm not sure why, except it may have something to do with the same reasons why I would NEVER breastfeed the twins in public, and I breastfed Conor in public all the time.

Breastfeeding a singleton is one of those Hallmark moments in which mother and child gaze into each others eyes with love and connection. Breastfeeding twins is more like being a sow. Especially when one has an athletic daughter who prefers to nurse in a down dog position. And will sometimes attack one's breast like a tribble. Of course, you know that I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with nursing twins--as mine are 15 months old and I fully plan to go at least two years---but it is not a Hallmark moment. The double twin standing nursing pose? Well, let's just say, we have pictures and you will not be seeing them.

And sleeping with us? Well, we've always done that and it just makes it easier. It's just that with a bleb, one will often wake up in the middle of the night with the sensation of a knife stabbing you in your bassoomies.

So yes, we're going past 6 weeks of my bleb, a milk blister. It apparently can take between 6 and 8 weeks for a bleb to heal. Yippee! Truly, I've not been doing everything I can--such as applying wet heat (as hot as one can stand) every 4 hours around the clock. Dudes--it hurts. But I am NOT going to get up in the middle of the night to soak my boob for 20 minutes before the twins wake up and nurse. Hells bells, I RARELY even sleep 4 hours in a row to wait for them to eat again.

Yes, here's the part you may not understand. The twins sleep as well as Conor did---they get up two or three times a night. Each. EACH.

EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That means that on a good night, I'm up only 4 times. That has happened, oh let's say, twice in the last 15 months. Most nights, I'm up 6 times a night. Occasionally, I'll use my running watch (HA! RUNNING! I RAN ONCE! HA!) to "lap" how long I sleep. It's a good night--and I feel well rested---if I get one stretch of about 3 hours. Then the laps will get shorter to: hour, hour, hour, 45 minutes, 30 minutes...time to get up.

I'm tired. I'm not going to deny that. And blebless, I can sleep through most feedings. But it's doable. And I know that in another year or so, they'll be sleeping much longer and eventually, so will I.

Eventually.

I freaked a bit when I read on my twin mother's support group that other MOMs who co-sleep, when their twins finally started sleeping through the night, it took them months...MONTHS (I'm shouting a lot in this entry)...MONTHSSSSSSS to finally sleep and feel rested again.

Bleb. Breastfeeeding. Co-sleeping. A sleep schedule that would make normal people scream.

So now you know.

Bizarro World

Every time I blog about something here, the next day the opposite thing happens.

So imagine what last night's sleep was? W.O.N.D.E.R.F.U.L

Christopher slept without eating from 7:15 pm until 4:15 am. Bridget decided to sleep in 2 1/2 to3 hour increments. I only got up 4 times last night because of the babies. AMAZING!!!

Of course, there is always something to complain about. Otherwise, why would we be here?

The most exciting part was the two (2!) automated phone calls from Charlotte Emergency services at 1:30 am telling us that if we needed to flee flooding water, not to do so in a vehicle, but to call the fire department. OOOOOkay. Although our back yard is way flooded and you could probably get around in a kayak, we were not in danger of flooding. ON THE SECOND FLOOR.

And the irony, the IRONY, that it was the best night of sleep we've had in months and we're running around the room with our hearts pounding, adrenaline flowing worried about which set of parents had bad news.

The second part was the incredibly painful breast waiting for Christopher to finally wake up and eat. OH MY GOODNESS it hurt and there was no way in H E Double Hockey Sticks I was going to get up and keep him from sleeping as long as he could. Nonetheless, that's another big clue that the babies are still eating at night.

And, of course, when Christopher did come in to see us at 4:30 he was so excited to see us that he decided to practice his consonants and vowels (ba goo ba ba ba da paaaa), touch our faces and generally roll around the bed and have a party.

Then we gave him another dose of motrin and we all went back to sleep.

And based on my history, tonight is going to suck loudly because last night didn't and I told you about it!

At least, I think we'll be free of the emergency services calls. I hope.

Sleep

NOTE: I'm posting this just to complain, not to get assvice. It's just one of those things one wants to point out that is different for parents of twins as opposed to singletons.

So, defensiveness acknowledged and up front. I'm not really sleeping all that much. The funny part is that I don't really notice how tired I am until I start thinking about it. Or actually until I start thinking---research lab was a challenge this week: we were talking so quickly that my head was spinning by the end. And I'm the professor!!

Anyhoo, I decided last night to use my athletic watch to find out how many times I was waking up and how long I was going between nursings. Perhaps I should explain what happens: the twins go to sleep in their own cribs (HOORAY!) and when they wake up, we bring them to bed. Unfortunately, they wake up relatively early, around 11. One reason for this is that I know they are still eating at night. If, per chance, someone sleeps a bit later, my boobs are rock hard, filled with milk. I can also tell that during the night they are "eating." I don't really know how to feed them more during the day, but apparently I need to.

Back to last night, I decided to hit the lap button on my watch every time I woke up and rolled over to feed someone. Did I mention that during the night, I'll be facing right and at some point the baby behind me will whack on my back until I roll over and feed him/her. Then the baby on my right will spoon me for some time and then whack me on the back until I roll back over and feed him/her? I feel like I'm rolling over about 6 to 8 times per night, but am I doing it once an hour? Am I doing it every 15 minutes, which is what it feels like. Am I over or underestimating how little sleep I'm getting?

Well, last night, I did 8 "laps" during the night. That means, I rolled over 8 times during the night. That's about right. Sometimes I've done 6 times (great night!). Sometimes I've done 10 (suck egg dog night).

What was nice to find out is that I actually had a couple of long stretches last night. I had one 2 hour stretch and one one 1 hour 15 minute stretch. I know that's not a lot, but it's wasn't so bad. Of course, I also had a 50 minute stretch and an 8 minute and a 16 minute stretch, too, which definitely sucks.

The babies are actually sleeping quite well on their own. Each one is getting about a 5 hour stretch of sleep on his/her own. The problem is that they are still waking and eating (not comfort sucking---at least not early on) after that 5 hour stretch.

Here's the scoop folks: I have no idea how women who do not breastfeed do it. Although I'm up a lot during the night, if I'm awake for an entire minute, I'd be shocked. A couple of times, I'll stay awake 3 to 5 minutes thinking about something, but really, I wake up, position the bbs and then go right back to sleep. I'd rather sleep all the way through, but if I'm having to deal with this, I'd rather deal with it with the babies in my bed than any other place.

Also, can I tell you HOW ADORABLE it is to have the babies snuggling up against me? Especially when both of them throw a leg and an arm over me. It's so cute. And it's not just me. When I get up in the morning, they roll over to each other and snuggle up with each other to sleep for a bit more. We're snugglers around here. Tired. But snugglers.

Sleep, Part 473

I just had to negotiate 10 minutes from Conor so that I could write this post. It's not really working out all that well, but I thought I'd let you know that's how we roll around here.

The good news is that the sleep issues are getting much better around here. After starting Operation Early to Bed and Early to Rise, we started bedtime earlier, which has led to clear naps in the morning and semi-clear naps in the afternoon. The only problem is that Early to Bed can mean Much Earlier to Rise than we meant. That's not as bad for us as it could be for others, but also for the last 2 nights, it's been snuggle-rama to get them to sleep and I've gone to bed soon after they have. Really, again, not a problem, but I would like to have just a little time by myself. JUST A LITTLE TIME BY MYSELF. Ahem, where was I?

Oh, yes. I also remembered this site on Bed Timing and looked up the section on 4 to 6 month olds and realized, by jove and by golly, there is no way on earth sleep things are going to get better for 6 more weeks. The babies are in a cognitive growth spurt and with babies, when development accelerates, sleep goes downhill. And if you could see the smiles, laughs, and general discovery we're seeing in these bunnies, you'd know that they are developmentally where they should be at 4 months, at least in this part.

So sleep, it's better. It's not great. Just like us.

So why is Conor home on a Wednesday? Well. H1N1 is going around his classroom and we're keeping him home this week in the hopes of keeping him, and thus the twins, from getting sick. Of course, DAVE came home with a 102 fever last night and a massive headache! So we're thinking he might have the flu. However, his fever broke overnight and it feels more like a bad cold right now. Considering we're old farts, perhaps the swine flu is just a piglet flu for us. No biggy, just a piggy. Apparently, one is only contagious during the fever, so if none of us get his version by this weekend, we should be ok.

I hate that I cannot write more on the blog right now. The twins are doing such amazing things. They are discovering each other and actually LIKE playing beside each other. I think they are even trying to start kissing back--either that or they can't distinguish a cheek from a boob. Christopher is starting to laugh and Bridget is starting to blow raspberries and scream. Oh, dear. She is loud. Just like I am. And she is having a blast figuring out what sounds she can make. At times, I'm not sure I have a daughter or a howler monkey. Both are starting to teeth and there is drool everywhere. There is also poop everywhere and I think Bridget in particular is in a bit of a growth spurt.

None of this does any justice to the cuteness and charm they are displaying over here. But I am not joking when I tell my colleagues who ask me if I miss work that actually, I miss being able to pee when I want to. Work, and the free cognitive time that it implies, is so far away from my reality that I don't even know what it is.

Speaking of lack of free time, I've neglected Christopher long enough. Have I mentioned what a temper my younger son has? I take full credit for that, too. I must go relieve him from his anger.

((Insert witty closing here))

Sleep

Oh, dear. It's been a while since I've last posted. There's no good reason for this--I'm not in the hospital, everyone is healthy, I'm quite happy staying at home this semester. It's just, well, I'm busy.

There are times when from about 8:00 when Dave leaves until 5:30 when he comes back that I've had about 45 minutes to myself. The twins are doing really well; we don't have a lot of crying. But sometimes, one is awake and needs attention until s/he goes to sleep and then the other wakes up and needs to eat and have some Mommy time.

Right now, they are both asleep. BTW, those of you who are SAHM, feel free to pass on advice on naps, etc. It seems like the afternoon nap is becoming clear. They are both sleeping for a good period in the afternoon and acting quite happy and smilely afterwards. (We appear, at 15 weeks chronological and 9 weeks adjusted to be clearly past the colicky stage). The morning naps are a bit more sketchy. My friends who have been SAHM during this time told me that the morning naps would be the first that are clearly established, but I'm not seeing it. Bridget usually goes to sleep first and naps for a couple of hours. Christopher is more on and off and I can't tell when his morning nap is truly happening.

As for night, well, Oh Joy. Last night was a bit rough but for the last week or so, Bridget usually goes to sleep about 9 pm, wakes up at 3 and 6 for a quick snack and then sleeps until 8 am or so. Christopher goes to sleep between 9:30 and 10 (we've had some horrible later times, but usually then) and then wakes up about, oh, 7:30 or so for his snack. Others might think Bridget waking up at 3 and 6 is rough, but I think it's easy. I bring her into bed, she eats and we're done.

Also, I'm finding that having both babies in bed at the same time is not that difficult. I can't move, but it's not that difficult. Heat seeking missiles that they are, it does not matter where I lie them down initially, soon enough they have scooted across the bed and are glued to my side. I can lie on my back with both babies nestled in my pits or I can be on one side snuggling one while the other spoons me (or spoons my shoulder) from behind. I used to worry that I'd roll on the baby behind me, but as I said, I don't move. If I have to get up, I do a sideways sit up and there you go.

What about Dave? How is he sleeping with the twins in bed? Well, the correct question is how about Dave and Conor. We have a bit of a bed shuffle going on around here. When Dave and I go to bed, all the children are snuggled up tight in their beds. Sometime around 2, Conor comes up and gets Dave and they go downstairs to sleep in the guest room. (We decided 5 in the bed is too crowded). Around 3, Bridget comes to bed. Around 6 (sometimes), Christopher comes to bed. Around 7, Conor comes back up to our bed and he and I snuggle while Dave makes us breakfast. Sometimes, I must admit, I try to encourage Conor not to snuggle with So Much Love for the twins and me, especially if I or one of the babies has just gotten back to sleep. I feel incredibly guilty, but Conor is still a 5 year old boy and although he's a gentle, loving 5 year old boy, he's still a LOVING 5 year old boy. The command "gentle!!" is used a bit more and probably in a less gentle voice by me than it should be.

So as far as sleep goes, I can't complain. But sometimes I do. Life's been good to me, so faaaaaaaar.

Ahem, yeah, well, still I can't explain why I am still so pooped all the time. They are great twins and I am getting decent sleep. I can count on them sleeping at least until 3. But still, I'm pooped. I'm thinking the double dose of hormones I have from breastfeeding has got to have something to do with it. There's no reason I should feel this tired all the time!

Where Are We?

It's been busy around here in the Mother Thing Household. That is no surprise. There are surprising things, though, so of which has, ummm, surprised us.

First, except for last night, the twins' nighttime sleep has been pretty good. This is surprising because sleep was pretty much an ongoing issue with Conor at this point. On the other hand, things really feel much, much better now with Bridget and Christopher. They go a good solid 3 hours between feedings and eat relatively quickly (20-3o minutes, if I'm actually awake while they are eating). And they usually go right back to sleep after eating (hence, last night's issue). Even though I understand that sleeping in 2 to 2 1/2 hour spurts is no one's idea of a good night's sleep, we actually think it's going relatively well.

We've decided to keep giving them the one bottle of fortified breastmilk at night. This is per the NICU doctor's advice to increase their calcium and phosphorous to help their bones grow quickly as they play catch up in weight. I am not sure I actually buy that advice, but it's the only way we can figure out how to also give them their nasty vitamin supplements, which contain the extra iron they didn't get the last few weeks they should have been in me. If there are any mothers of former NICU children out there or breastfeeding mothers who give their children Poly Vi Sol and can do so with the dropper directly to their mouths, let me know.

The weirder part of "Where We Are" has to do with "Where We Are" in infant development. Some of the best advice I got from a Mentor Mom with Conor is that the first 3 weeks are the roughest, then you have 3 more not-quite-as-rough weeks to make it past 6 weeks and it gets better. It gets better again after 3 months and then again after 6 months. It may have been closer to 4 months with Conor, but for the most part she was right about the 3 weeks and 6 weeks.

However, we have no idea where we are with the twins. By birth, they are nearly 7 weeks old. However, by gestational age, (when they were really due, how you track development with preemies) they are about 6 days old. So are we passed the 6 weeks of hell or are we just starting it? I would also like to add that I swear to GOD(dess) if someone says "Stop worrying about it and just wait and see what happens", I will track them down and clobber them in the head. It makes a difference in how much stamina I have and I need until we get to the good part. Do we have 2 more months? 3 more months? 4 more months??

The doctor's can't even figure out their "real" ages. The main pediatrician thinks they are 6 days old, essentially, now. We don't need to start tummy time until *next* month, when he thinks they will be more like one month olds. Then again, when I challenged him on the fact that twins due dates are actually 38 weeks not 40 weeks, he suggested that they could also be anywhere from 3 weeks and 6 days to not-even-born yet since term is 37 weeks to 42 weeks. But when we took Bridget in last Friday because we suspected reflux, the doctor thought she was acting like a one month old. (Yes, Bridget does have reflux and she's on Zantac now. She no longer screams during and after breastfeeding because stomach acid is not burning her throat)

Their ages also make a difference in their place on the growth chart. We read in the books the doctor's would follow special growth charts for preemies. So far, no. They are being compared to term children based on their birth ages (not adjusted ages). That means that although Christopher has gained over 2 1/2 lbs in the last three weeks of being home, he is only at the third percentile in weight. And Bridget, who has gained over 3 lbs in a month is not even on the chart for weight for her "age."

Final, final thing for a blog entry that is not the wittiest I've ever written (have I mentioned that I'm pooped and that last night's sleep sucked?). I've been searching long and hard for ways to nurse the babies at night in bed at the same time. There are illustrations in several of my books of women reclining on pillows with a baby in the crook of each arm with their arms propped up with pillows. I have tried this position. It has not succeeded. I can get one twin attached but can't figure out how to get the other one up there. And when Dave has helped, I still can't get Twin 2 latched and can't come out of the position as I am stuck like a turtle on my back.

Even the Internets has been useless, with the most specific advice being "It's tricky, but if you can learn how to breastfeed while lying down, it will make night time nursing a lot easier."

Ummm, thanks!! In the meantime, I continue to search for the Kama Sutra of Breastfeeding positions so that I can get some ideas of positions that might work with the twins at night. If you have any ideas, feel free to share them!!

Off for a snack and maybe a nap before they wake up again.

The Sticker Solution

We have been slow to adopt the sticker solution. But now that we see the results, we are very happy.

Point #1: Conor has still been getting out of bed before going to sleep and standing at his door trying to get us to come back in. He does not come out of the door, but he stands there in the corner a la Blair Witch. Until The Stickers. Two nights in a row, now, we've told him that if he stays in bed after we leave, he gets to choose a Very Big Shiny Sticker to wear the next morning. And Lo and Behold, we've taken him to school with a Very Big Shiny Sticker on his shirt for the last two days.

YIPPEE!!!!

Point #2: Easy pee-pee in the potty this morning at home followed by a fire-bear sticker.

I'll send the boy in a whole sticker suit if this solves some of our bigger problems!

How is your spring break going?

The Big W

We see a big W in our future.

And in case you can't interpret that flashing neon sign, let me help you: wean. I don't think it's going to happen this week or next, but I see it and it's sooner rather than later for us.

Twice in the last week, Conor has been happy to lie with his head on my chest and rock instead of nursing. (Well, I should clarify: after nursing) We no longer have any middle of the night discussions about nursing because it has been clearly established that we only nursie when the sun is up.

I'm sure I'll be sad at some point when we're done. But honestly, I like it much better when he rocks with his head on my chest rather than on my boob. I feel like it shows he likes me more for me than just a boobie!

And on the subject of weird things other parents do (I know you just thought that!), I have am now convinced that parents are waaaaaaaay too concerned about what other people think of their parenting. Did you see the NY Times article last week on parents and children sleeping? I shall give you the synopsis: some kids sleep with their parents and some don't and those who do are worried about it.

What. Ever.

The part that bugged me was that even though most parents in the study admitted that their stealthy toddlers made it into their beds at some time or another, "psychologists believe it's important for children to learn to go to sleep on their own." Would someone PLEASE show me the randomized study comparing parents who "helped" their children to sleep versus those who didn't and the differences in anyone's mental, physical or emotional health. It doesn't exist. So it's basically just someone's opinion.

An opinion like I heard on a This American Life repeat (the Sept 15, 2006 one), that psychologists' in the early 1940's said that parents shouldn't kiss their children more than once a year or they will ruin them emotionally. They shouldn't even pick them up a lot because it would make them sick. And parents, well-meaning, kind-hearted parents, (I'm going to presume) LISTENED to that!

PEOPLE! Co-sleeping, not co-sleeping. Breastfeeding, not breastfeeding. Extended breastfeeding, breastfeeding just a few months. The effects of parenting style on children's health are marginal when we are talking about these sort of distinctions. Abuse, neglect and poverty have much, MUCH bigger effects on the future of the child than whether you were potty trained at age 2 or 4 or your never slept with your parents or slept with your parents until age 7.

These other issues are the luxurious worries of people who don't know what real problems are.

I have learned a lot in my 2 1/2 years of motherhood and the most important one is that my choices are not likely to be yours and It's OK. We have to do what is right for us and our children and our family unit. So sleep together! Don't sleep together! Stop worrying about it and worry about something more important. Like how we're going to get enough money to buy a B&B.

;-)

Ahhhhh, Spring

This is my favorite time of the year. Our cherry trees have started blooming out front, the jonquils are up and brightly yellow and the narcissus are getting ready to start strut their stuff.

But that's not why I really like spring. The reason I really like spring, now that I'm a homeowner, is because everything is all "plan" right now and no "failure." I've designed the garden, ordered the seeds, and just planted the onions. The garden is all barren, tilled and full of potential. The weather is cool and there are no weeds. That's the part of gardening that just beats me to the ground. Weeds make me think that I'm a failure and reminds me that my garden will never live up to the potential I see in it at the beginning of March.

And yes, that is as depressing as it sounds come the hot, humid days of the end of July when I hate even looking at my garden. I forget that each year I get a little better at stopping the weeds from growing. Last year, the much helped. This year, we are planting everything a little closer together interspersing the basil and cilantro with the peppers and eggplant, the parsley with the peas (followed by the bok choi) so that the weeds just won't have a place to grow.

And can I tell you about the excitement, the sheer thrill, I had this weekend when we bought a new 10" tilling fork!? Oh my WORD! I could not stop talking about it!!! Dave tilled and then went through the beds with the fork and we were getting waaaaay down to the clay! Even now, that sentence makes my breath quicken with excitement. Our gardening philosophy comes from the Vegetable Gardener's Bible where the point is deep cultivation and wide plant beds. The author also "cheats" and tells you how long seeds last, so I can overbuy seeds this year and save them for the next 1-3 years.

So spring is all plan and potential right now. And I love it. Summer, I know, is show and tell-me-how-I-didn't-do-it-as-well-as-I-thought-I-was-going-to. But we're in spring now. And I'm pathetically optimistic on how THIS YEAR, it's all going to be a lot better.

Speaking of pathetic optimism, things are going better with the Big Boy Bed. We're sticking to our nighttime routine even when things get a little Blair Witch Project. I'm not even going to explain that right now, but let's just say there were 5 minutes of crying last night and when I went back to his room Conor was standing in the corner by his door making me look very much like the Blair Witch. And last night was one of the best nights in a week!! (The sad part is my cheering that at least he hadn't opened the door and come out into the hall! Good job, Conor!!)

We also did some math (!) and figured out that one of the reasons bedtime has sucked recently is that we're trying to put him down before he's ready: he doesn't need 12 hours of sleep per night any more, especially with his 2 hour nap at school. We really don't want to keep him up later, so we're going to start getting him up a little earlier for school. We'll see how that goes.

So there you go. Can I once again brag about my amazing home office with its sunny yellow walls covered in amazing sun from my gorgeous windows and French doors and the amazing view of my garden pure of weeds? Well, apparently, yes I can.