Oh, Dear

We've been praying for an easy year this year. Apparently, God said HA! Well, it's not that bad, but it's certainly not "easy."

First, last week, my good old friend "Aunt Flo" returned. I was actually quite surprised. My cycles started back up when Conor hit 10 months old. The twins are 10 months and 3 weeks old now, so the timing is about right. But now I am breastfeeding TWINS. Two babies. One boob for each. And yet, my cycle has returned. I have imagined the conversation going on inside my body:

Ovaries: Should we send one down? It's about that time again.

Boobs: No way! I'm workin' double time up here. There's no way she would be able to support another baby.

Uterus: Have you SEEN her ass? Go on, Ovaries! Send one down. Heck, send two!

So that was a lot of fun.

Then on Friday, we were filmed for part of a Blue Cross Blue Shield Commercial. I'll post more about that when it comes out, but despite having lived in Los Angeles for 10 years, we were a bit surprised about the crew that arrived for the process. Make up, lightening, sound, BCBS big wigs, and a director and producer. My role was essentially to stare lovingly at Dave as he told our story, not for any sexist, "wifely" reason and pretty much because I had no idea what had actually happened. Sadly, my staring at Dave involved looking at him in profile, and I predict an uncanny resemblance to Professor Snape in the commercial.

On Saturday, we attended our first NICU reunion party. This was quite nice. It was a HUGE party with lots of families attending. We saw a couple of our nurses, which was quite nice. We did not see our favorite nurse, but we also missed Nurse Control-A-Lot, so overall it was a win.

This morning, on the other hand, I had to attend an academic integrity hearing for a student of mine whom I caught plagiarizing. You might think that would be an easy thing to do: AHA! A student has been caught doing wrong! I will get him/her!! You cannot imagine how it is not like that at all. At our school, hearings are rare. Most of the time, students get a "settlement" in which they admit their guilt, receive their "penalty" and the information is kept top secret for 8 years and then destroyed. So, cases like this are the exception.

And this case did not go as expected. There was lying, denying, external attributions of fault, anger, sulking, admissions of other plagiarism, and general Things That Are Not Good. And that was just me!!

I jest.

It was bad. And it was bad to see the student do what I would presume are all the same things that have gotten him/her out of trouble before. This was not a growth experience for this student. This was not a moment that is going to make him or her finally straighten up and fly right. This was just one stop in what I would guess is going to be a long line of messing up rather significantly. He/She did not get out of this. He/She was found guilty and was dealt a pretty severe penalty. Still, there is no relief.

And the emotional fallout for me has, surprisingly, been high. I protect my students. I cheer them on and coach them and want them to grow and do well. I recognize that not all are at that stage in their lives or have that goal, but if they want it, I want to help them achieve it. It's not fun and it's not why I'm a professor.

Oh and what else? I forgot to register to review for a conference so I may have let that person down. I have my first dissertation defense on Friday (on self harm in adolescent girls. Light and fun topic!!). I have 25 student project papers arriving tomorrow and another student waiting for another review. AND Christopher has a double ear infection and is quite cranky/sick.

There is more. There is always more. But I'm sure you're tired of hearing of my whining. God(dess) knows I am.

Best Laid Plans....

It started with fussiness. Bridget has been getting a bit fussy when she and Christopher nurse together. Christopher is pretty calm and confident that he can get all the nummies he needs. Bridget worries and frets and can't get into position when she can see Christopher half a mom's body away. So it started with fussiness. But it has moved to the stink eye.

Bridget now gives Christopher the stink eye most times they nurse together. And bless her little heart, it backfires and she ends up feeling the anger of the stink eye herself. So even if we wanted to put the babies on a schedule, the stink eye prevents us.

(((Sigh)))

As I said, we're not so much on the schedule, but we were loving the routine. We're still routinized: they still eat, play, and sleep around the same time. But any plans to encourage them to eat exactly at the same time are out the door. Bridget gets too upset and she needs to save her calories for growth, not for bursting my ear drum.

And how is Patches doing, you ask? (Smooth transition...not) He is well. He is happy to have more puppies in the pack. But he is concerned about our abilities to properly parent the loud one--Bridget.

People have accused me of exaggerating, but I'm not in this instance. Before we diagnosed Bridget with reflux, we had real problems with her screaming. Indeed, a few days before the doctor's visit she was screaming and Patches gave me a look that clearly indicated his thoughts. He was heading out the door of our bedroom and turned and with a disappointed expression, projected onto me: "You are not doing that right."

Yes, you can say I was imagining that, but I know my dog. And I know what he thinks. And he was sorely disappointed in my parenting skills at that point.

A few days later, I was nursing them together (it was the beginning of the stink eye), and Bridget was screaming, of course. Patches sat up from his nap and barked at me! Just one bark. And it was one of those heads up barks that dogs have. But I knew what he was thinking "Are you paying attention here? Fix it!!"

And on one of my first days alone, Bridget had a melt-down (notice a theme here?) while I was changing Christopher's diaper. I ended up putting Christopher in a safe place while I ran to pick her up. As soon as I started running, Patches started running, too, to safely escort me to Bridget. (All 7 feet it took me to get there)

So yes, there we are. Having my parenting skills judged by a dog and keeping my daughter from giving her brother the stink eye. We actually have created a "stink eye cloth", essentially a burp cloth I hold between them if we are trying to have them nurse at the same time. Because they have not yet developed object permanence, neither of them have any idea the other one is behind the cloth. It works mostly, unless Christopher starts stretching out his enormous monkey arms and pokes Bridget in the eye or sticks a finger up her nose.

Hmmm, maybe that's why she gives him the stink eye? I doubt it. Even when he's nursing in his sleep it bothers her.

Routines

Yesterday was pretty hellish as we got out of our unofficial schedule, ahem, I mean routine. Bridget ended up with only about a 3 or 4 hour nap all day long and that made for a very cranky daughter.

We also went to doctor for the twins' 2 month check up. At 11 lbs 12 oz, Christopher is up to 5oth percentile (from 10th percentile) on weight and at 23 inches, 50th percentile on height. His noggin also rates at 50th percentile. So pretty much, Christopher is perfectly average for a 2 month old!

At 8 lbs 8 oz, Briget got on the chart this month, coming in at a wonderful 5th percentile. Oddly, she's 10th percentile for height and 30th percentile for noggin size. It's odd because I thought children went out before they went up---being a little fatter before they get a little taller. It may explain why she still looks skinny even though she is getting some meat on her bones.

We also have a bit of info on when the growth spurts will start/stop. Term babies have their spurts at 10 days, 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months. Preemies? Well, I found in our NICU book that preemies growth spurts start at 36 weeks (adjusted age) and end 2 1/2 months adjusted age. What does that mean? Well, the twins will be 2 1/2 months in 2 weeks. But they will be 2 1/2 months adjusted age at the end of September. That means, basically, their growth spurt will last about 14 weeks. Straight. Continuous. Boobage. For 14 weeks. Four. Teen. Weeks. Boobs. Mooooooooooooooooooooooo.

And toots. Lord, it's windy around here and it has nothing to do with the afternoon thunderstorms. Christopher set a world record 10 second toot the other day. And I can actually feel puffs of air on my face and chest when they burp. I don't imagine we're going to see any consistent sleeping through the night until the end of September. I just don't think it's even possible for babies to sleep through the night during a growth spurt. And have I mentioned that 14 week growth spurt? Well, let's just say, I think we're at the best we're going to see right now: sleeping 3 to 4 hours at a time. Which is just fine. I do not want to complain about that. But these are two hungry babies.

What makes it worth it are the smiles the babies are starting to freely give. Depending on which age we're talking about (9 weeks chronological or 3 weeks adjusted), they are either way behind or way ahead. If I had to guess where they are developmentally, I'd say about 6 weeks. For some reason, that just feels about right. Yes, all my vast experience with babies (Conor!) makes me think we're at about 6 weeks old around here.

More pictures up soon. I need to either get it back together on Flickr or choose another site. I think Flickr is fine, but I actually need to do something.

Ok--I've stolen enough time. I am in the midst of a 14 week growth spurt, you know.

Schedule Vs. Routine Vs. Whatever

I've been working on this post for days and I really just don't have time to make this as clever and outrageous as I'd like to. So, here's the condensed version:

Did you know that the vast majority of advice I keep finding online and in books and hearing in person from more than a few "twin authorities" is to put the twins on a strict schedule? As in Ezzo's Baby Wise, don't dare feed them more than every 3 hours starting at 7 days old. Yes, the same Ezzo Baby Wise that was condemned by the American Association of Pediatrics as a dangerous parenting strategy likely to lead to dehydration and failure to thrive? What's even more surprising is the lack of awareness of the controversy these people have when they say this. Is it because twins are really so rare that parents think it's ok to use a parenting style for them that is condemned for singletons? Is it because so many twin parents are first time parents that they don't know any better? W. T. F. And it's not just a few places: It's a good deal of the twin parenting advice.

So, um, yeah. What is probably even more surprising is that I have luckily found quite a few MOMs (Mothers of Multiples) who do NOT follow this advice for a strict schedule, even if they do follow a routine (which we are doing, too). Back to an aside I would fix if I could edit this: When I say Strict Schedule, I mean that people are actually saying to me that they ONLY feed their children every 3 hours. And maybe once or twice they fed them at 2 hours and 45 minutes, but that was the absolute exception and they resolved never to do it again. (The last part is the only exaggeration)

So a routine? Yes. The babies get up at 8. Christopher has his alert time then, then goes to sleep. I feed them again. Bridget has a much shorter alert time and then I nurse both again and they eat and go back to sleep. They nap for most of the afternoon (and if they don't get both these long morning and afternoon naps, there is hell to pay) and then they have alert time late afternoon and evening and go to sleep for the night between 9 and 10. They wake up a few times in the night--like once or twice, oh, I am SO NOT KIDDING and we are SO LUCKY--and then are up at 5 or 6 for snacks and a nap.

That is our routine. It is not a schedule. They eat when they want to eat. And Christopher, weighing it at over 11 lbs (from 7 lbs when he came home 4 weeks ago), eats more frequently than Bridget who FINALLY broke 8 lbs last week (up from 4 1/2 lbs 5 weeks ago). And both of them eat more frequently than 3 hours at more than one time during the day. And they should!! It is obviously helping them. The only person it isn't helping is *me*. I don't know exactly when they are going to eat and sleep every day. I do, however, now where two watches which let me know who ate when so when I'm getting ready to do something, I have a rough idea of who is going to demand a boob when and plan accordingly.

But so effing what? I'm a big girl. I can handle my day being disrupted by two babies. They have been on this earth just a little while and need to know that someone is going to take care of them when they are tired and hungry. (Did you know that Ezzo/Baby Wise promotes not picking infants up when they cry? Oh, and the whole spanking with tubes and sticks to not leave marks?)

ANYWHO, it's busy with twins!! We are actually doing well. It's sooooooo much better now that Bridget's reflux is medicated. She's still a crazy kitten, but she's not screaming in pain for hours on end.

Ok. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I hope to blog on less annoying things later on. And if you used a schedule and it worked out well for you and your family, that's great. It's not our cuppa, and I guess the real reason it's been so annoying to me is that I've heard it again and again and again and no one has acknowledged that it's very controversial advice.

Where Are We?

It's been busy around here in the Mother Thing Household. That is no surprise. There are surprising things, though, so of which has, ummm, surprised us.

First, except for last night, the twins' nighttime sleep has been pretty good. This is surprising because sleep was pretty much an ongoing issue with Conor at this point. On the other hand, things really feel much, much better now with Bridget and Christopher. They go a good solid 3 hours between feedings and eat relatively quickly (20-3o minutes, if I'm actually awake while they are eating). And they usually go right back to sleep after eating (hence, last night's issue). Even though I understand that sleeping in 2 to 2 1/2 hour spurts is no one's idea of a good night's sleep, we actually think it's going relatively well.

We've decided to keep giving them the one bottle of fortified breastmilk at night. This is per the NICU doctor's advice to increase their calcium and phosphorous to help their bones grow quickly as they play catch up in weight. I am not sure I actually buy that advice, but it's the only way we can figure out how to also give them their nasty vitamin supplements, which contain the extra iron they didn't get the last few weeks they should have been in me. If there are any mothers of former NICU children out there or breastfeeding mothers who give their children Poly Vi Sol and can do so with the dropper directly to their mouths, let me know.

The weirder part of "Where We Are" has to do with "Where We Are" in infant development. Some of the best advice I got from a Mentor Mom with Conor is that the first 3 weeks are the roughest, then you have 3 more not-quite-as-rough weeks to make it past 6 weeks and it gets better. It gets better again after 3 months and then again after 6 months. It may have been closer to 4 months with Conor, but for the most part she was right about the 3 weeks and 6 weeks.

However, we have no idea where we are with the twins. By birth, they are nearly 7 weeks old. However, by gestational age, (when they were really due, how you track development with preemies) they are about 6 days old. So are we passed the 6 weeks of hell or are we just starting it? I would also like to add that I swear to GOD(dess) if someone says "Stop worrying about it and just wait and see what happens", I will track them down and clobber them in the head. It makes a difference in how much stamina I have and I need until we get to the good part. Do we have 2 more months? 3 more months? 4 more months??

The doctor's can't even figure out their "real" ages. The main pediatrician thinks they are 6 days old, essentially, now. We don't need to start tummy time until *next* month, when he thinks they will be more like one month olds. Then again, when I challenged him on the fact that twins due dates are actually 38 weeks not 40 weeks, he suggested that they could also be anywhere from 3 weeks and 6 days to not-even-born yet since term is 37 weeks to 42 weeks. But when we took Bridget in last Friday because we suspected reflux, the doctor thought she was acting like a one month old. (Yes, Bridget does have reflux and she's on Zantac now. She no longer screams during and after breastfeeding because stomach acid is not burning her throat)

Their ages also make a difference in their place on the growth chart. We read in the books the doctor's would follow special growth charts for preemies. So far, no. They are being compared to term children based on their birth ages (not adjusted ages). That means that although Christopher has gained over 2 1/2 lbs in the last three weeks of being home, he is only at the third percentile in weight. And Bridget, who has gained over 3 lbs in a month is not even on the chart for weight for her "age."

Final, final thing for a blog entry that is not the wittiest I've ever written (have I mentioned that I'm pooped and that last night's sleep sucked?). I've been searching long and hard for ways to nurse the babies at night in bed at the same time. There are illustrations in several of my books of women reclining on pillows with a baby in the crook of each arm with their arms propped up with pillows. I have tried this position. It has not succeeded. I can get one twin attached but can't figure out how to get the other one up there. And when Dave has helped, I still can't get Twin 2 latched and can't come out of the position as I am stuck like a turtle on my back.

Even the Internets has been useless, with the most specific advice being "It's tricky, but if you can learn how to breastfeed while lying down, it will make night time nursing a lot easier."

Ummm, thanks!! In the meantime, I continue to search for the Kama Sutra of Breastfeeding positions so that I can get some ideas of positions that might work with the twins at night. If you have any ideas, feel free to share them!!

Off for a snack and maybe a nap before they wake up again.

Getting to Know Bridget and Christopher

I think most of my posts about the twins for a while is going to be about breastfeeding because that is mostly what I am doing. Ummm, that's all I'm doing. The good news is that we took the twins in for their one month check up today and their weight gain has been great! I am a whole milk cow!! They are growing with leaps and bounds and hopefully, soon, they will be on the regular baby growth charts and not the preemie growth charts.

I have to admit I am so proud of how well they are doing with transitioning from bottles to boobs. We occassionally have to supplement one or the other, but for the most part they get everything they need straight from the source. (There is an issue of using fortified breastmilk twice a day to increase their calcium and phosphorous and also they are taking vitamins, but more on that later)

One funny thing the twins do is that they are very vocal when they eat. They are constantly talking and making noises about the quality of the milk. Sometimes it sounds like a flock of geese are nursing at my breasts. And then Bridget likes to snort a lot. We sometimes have a hard time telling whether she has burped or just snorted at us. Bridget also will let us know with no hesitation if she is displeased with the situation. She can yell loudly enough and at a high enough pitch that I am concerned that glass will crack. Honestly, though, it's endearing because she is feeling so much that she just has to let us (and the world) know about it.

As for breastfeeding *twins*, we are trying to feed them together although they are not always awake at the same time. I think that as they get a little older and more skilled at eating, we'll be doing more tandem feedings. The nice thing is that they like eating together and will actually reach out towards each other and even hold hands while they nurse. Yes, this is as adorable as it sounds. Actually, it's more adorable that it sounds. It's beyond precious and as soon as I get a picture that doesn't show too much of the boobage, we'll post it.

As for now, I think I have about 15 minutes in which I can nap. however, I'm hearing squeakage, so I may be mooing again sooner rather than later.

It's worth it. Oh, but I'm looking forward to some decent sleep. In a couple of months.

Life with the Twins

Are they not adorable? Christopher is on the left and Bridget is on the right. This is their reunion photo, taken minutes after Christopher came home from the hospital. You might think I'm being facetious, but as soon as Bridget figured out he was there, she had her arm out and was touching him. I think he subsequently poked her in the eye.

Things are going well, for the most part. They are both gaining good weight, eating on demand instead of on a schedule. On Tuesday, I tried feeding them both at the same time at nearly every feeding, which went well. However, yesterday, I decided to focus a little bit more on each twin individually. It, ironically, out to be a little easier, especially when Bridget demonstrated that she could drain a boob by herself in about 10 minutes. Whereas Christopher takes his time to enjoy the ambiance of the boobage, Bridget is making up for "sharing the groceries" as the nurses called it in my uterus.

Sleeping is not as hellish as I remember with Conor. However, my parents are helping out a lot. They essentially moved in here in April after my first hospitalization had have been helping out a great deal. Lately, that includes delivering a baby to me if one is already on the boob as well as keeping an eye on them in the afternoon (and rocking down Bridget through her massive burps) while I take a nap.

Conor is being an amazing big brother. Who would expect anything differently? Yes, there are some whinage issues but really, we're ALL doing that right now more than usual. Here is Conor holding Christopher for the first time. And yes, Christopher is smiling at his big brother. Is that not the cutest thing you've seen?

One of the Differences

One of the differences between NICU and home is feeding on a schedule (NICU) or on demand (home). This translates into a difference of a half-ounce weight gain per day (NICU) and a one 1/2 to two-ounce weight gain per day (home). Bridget has quite a bit of weight to make up. But as of last night she's moved from 4 lbs 9 oz on Wednesday to 4 lbs 15 oz on Satuday night.

It also means the difference between a fine poop in a diaper and a blow out that leaves a spray pattern 3 feet along the wall and the ceiling. Yeah. We nearly called in CSI to get an analysis of the poopie crime.

You can imagine with that sort of force going out that we're having some gas pains going in. We're recognizing the differences in cries: I'm hungry! I really need to burp!! You people are idiots!!! We recognize the last one from Conor's days as a newborn.

It's going well, altogether. And we're looking forward to Christopher coming home tomorrow. And no, we're not going to be feeding both twins separately on demand. Whoever is hungriest gets to start the dual feeding session. And we already know Christopher is still hungry in NICU. We cannot wait to get him home and introduce him to the two-for-one daily special at the milk bar.

Soon, we think they are going to both be on the "typical" growth charts soon.

I hear squeaks. It's time to go give Bridget the nummies she wants and needs.

Bridget is Home

So I wrote the title of this blog about 12 hours ago. I am now hoping to write the rest of the entry.

Hooray! Bridget is home! She came home on Wednesday and it was a hell worse than you can imagine leaving Christopher there. However, as we left, we saw one of Christopher's neighbor's moms. Her son had been in NICU for 2 1/2 months already and is likely to stay there for another 2 1/2 months. So our complaining about leaving Christopher for 4 more days seemed very trivial in comparison to the 5 months her son is staying in NICU.

Nonetheless, it sucks. And it's wonderful because Bridet is home. And it's stunningly tiring now that she's home, too. I haven't been sleeping because I've been pumping. But now I'm getting even less sleep and I'm not sure I can even focus on the words on this page.

Yes, I am fully aware that it's going to get tougher when Christopher comes home. But at least then, I won't have to shower or get dressed. I can stay in my pajamas all day and nurse and pump and give them supplements until they get strong enough to fully breastfeed.

As far as that goes, Bridget does well, and then, not so much. But I'm still having to pump to provide enough food for Christopher, too, and work around his schedule at the hospital.

Must go. She's crying. This is probably as good as it will get any time soon.

The Whole Breastfeeding Thing

Long time readers may recall that I breastfed my son. Forever. It was a relatively easy experience and definitely rewarding. I expected that breastfeedingt twins would be different. But breastfeeding twins in the NICU is a whole other experience.

The first thing to note is that I'm pumping almost exclusively. And I know that many people who pump exclusively have a hard time getting and maintaining an adequate milk supply. I have a good idea why: the pumping schedule given to me by the NICU lactation consultants is (sort of) appropriate for singletons and not even close to appropriate for twins. At one point, someone said "This is what you need to pump for twins, but you need to make double what this schedule says."

I'm not economist, but I think I have a better idea of that following a guide to make supply equal demand for singltetons and just "hoping" it doubles for twins is not appropriate.

So the first thing I did was based on my experience nursing Conor: I pretended I was actually feeding the twins and pumped as often as they thought they would want to eat. Lactation Consultant Caustic (LCC) immediately called me irresponsible on day 2 of pumping for not following her directions, saying I would mess up my nipps before I really needed to use them. I, still being a bit hormonal, was pretty annoyed.

I then checked the NICU chapter of my Mothering Multiples Book, one of the best books I've found on this journey. Instead of the 8 pumping times as recommended by LCC, the author recommends pumping 10 times in 24 hours, with 1 to 2 more sessions if you want your body to know you're serious about breastfeeding your twins. I did pump 12 times for a couple of days, but for the most part, I'm pumping 11 times per day. I'm currently right on schedule to have enough milk at the end of two weeks to support to good sized babies.

Let's review that: I am pumping 3 times more per day than recommended and I'm right on schedule. I can tell you right now, those 3 extra pumpings make all the difference. All the nurses in NICU are amazed at my supply....and I keep pointing out that the schedule women are given is not adequate to produce enough milk. It's even more important because the easiest time to increase supply is the first two weeks. After that it gets more difficult. So I'm willing to do this pumping schedule for two weeks and then figure out how I can maintain it until the babies are breastfeeding fulltime.

So, yes. The goal is not for me to pump for the twins. the goal is for me to breastfeed (mostly exclusively) the twins. The good news is that both children "get it". The bad news, or actually the typical preemie news, is that it's going to be a while before they are strong enough to breastfeed for most of their feedings. And you know what? That's absolutely ok. My perspective on what is "normal" and the "right path" for preemies is evolving and is not even close to the same for what happens for term babies.

My children are doing great in learning how to breastfeed and I am so proud of them. (As an aside: how is it possible to fall so hard in love with two people that I have just met? I honestly get overwhelmed with how wonderful and amazing they are. I think knowing how much I love Dave and Conor makes me see how much love I can feel and it's really damn easy to feel it for these two children) So back to being proud of my twins.

Christopher actually got off to a slower start than Bridget did. And I just figured out today that it just may be his style: he likes to take his time and enjoy his fresh from the breast gourmet milk. He does not like to be rushed as he indicated by grabbing my boob with both hands when I tried to remove him thought he had fallen asleep. So he takes a while.

Bridget, on the other hand, well...cue to the 70's music by Heart Barracuda. (I love YouTube) The girl likes to eat. Her first time breastfeeding was like she had never eaten before. Guess what? At 7 days old, that was the truth. And she ate like she meant it. I've been underestimating how much she's been getting because she's on and off so quickly compared to Christopher. But then I realized that she nurses so strongly that she loosens my toenails.

Plus, yesterday I felt so guilty about trying to push her into nursing. She started off really well on Sunday. Monday was good but not great. And then on Tuesday and Wednesday, she just sort of pooped out. This is all part of that two steps forward, one step back issue with preemies. They had to start gavaging her (feeding her through a tube in her nose) because she was too pooped to even bottle feed. This is a problem because she doesn't get her get of jail free card until she can eat for 3 days from either a bottle or from me and still gain weight. And here I was really trying to push her to nurse and she just really needed to get her strength about her.

The whole preemie thing is really humbling. Even more than with term babies, you have to wait and let them set the pace. And the advice one gets for term babies? It's not appropriate for preemies. It just doesn't work.

So, as I have multiple times over the last 12 days, I take another step back and see where they are on this journey. The good news is that we're now approaching 48 hours since Christopher's last brady (a brady occurs when they forget to breathe and their heartrate drops down). He has to go one week with no bradys to get his get out of jail free card. They are thinking he will be ready to leave in one week. I would really prefer that this issue resolves before we go home. And how will it resolve? His brain will mature and breathing will be automatic for him like it is for you.

Bridget needs to figure out how to eat. She will. It is highly unlikely that she is going to enter kindergarten still being fed by a nasal gavage. We just have to wait until she develops enough strength and stamina to eat her food. She has the skills; she just needs the energy. I can wait happily and patiently for that, too. I'm also learning how to bottle feed her. They won't let her go home with us until both Dave and I can demonstrate bottle feeding skills. Dave gets a pass on the breastfeeding.

It will probably take until they are 40 weeks or past until they can fully breastfeed. They just hit 36 weeks yesterday. It may take 4 to 8 more weeks before we have an easy time with the breastfeeding around here. No problem. I can wait. And we will figure it out together.

***********

Bonus track: the Jesus Jones song for Right Here Right Now. Loves it.