Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Baby No

First, the cute stuff:

Mommy: Conor did you have any dreams last night?

Conor: I had dreams last night.

Mommy: What did you dream about?

Conor: Grandaddy.

Daddy: What was Grandaddy doing?

Conor: He was making a mess. And Daddy, too.

(Silent laughs exchanged by Mommy and Daddy over the breakfast table)

Well, that's the cute stuff. So HOLD ON TO IT because there is not much more of that left. Conor has been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with an astonishing look alike known as Baby No. Baby No says NO! to everything.

Do you want milk?
Do you want juice?
No! Milk!
Do you want milk?
Do you want juice?
No! Milk!

Let me just add right here how much fun THAT conversation is. And you can switch Milk/Juice for this shirt/that shirt, this pull-up/that pull-up, socks, shoes, pee-pee on the potty what the FUCK ever and the response you will hear is NO!

My favorite question, though, is:

Are you Baby No?

That last one makes us laugh for our clever conundrum we fancy putting him in, but of course, Baby No is not Baby Know and therefore cannot be amused out of his constant state of No.

And it's not just saying No. It's being No. We cannot get the child dressed in the morning any more without a great deal of wrestling and restraint. And when I say "restraint" I do not mean our mature ability to control our emotions. I mean somebody holding his wriggling body while the other wrestles on his jeans.

I walked in this morning to him naked and jumping up and down, but not so much in the happy song way and more in the I HATE YOU I'M NOT GETTING DRESSED WAY. I'm telling you, it's just not a happy place for any of us to be in.

I know this is the Terrible Two's (which is really the Terrible Two-and-a-halfs), so it's just a stage.

But this stage sucks. Any suggestions? Other than hiring a babysitter and leaving for the next 6 months?


helen said...

Hard luck on the no thing - been there, seen it, done it!
Always found rewording the questions the most effective way - although still not 100% success!
Would you like this milk or that juice? - would you like to clean your teeth before your bath or after it?
Most kids seem to fall for it most of the time! Good luck

Anonymous said...

i have raised two kids. when they were the age of Conor, i didn't ask them 'do you want milk?' i just put the milk in front of them. what's the point of asking? insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. there's a point in time where kids opinions or choices are irrelevent to the mental survival of the parent. terrible twos is one of those times.

Jennifer said...

Just catching up after a couple weeks away from the blogs...

I agree with both of the commenters above.

If you don't want to deal with it, just choose for him and give him the milk/juice/whatever.

For the times when you do have the time and/or patience to give him a choice, wording is key. Rather than "Do you want this / Do you want that?" I would hold up both and ask "Which one do you want?"

For the getting dressed, sometimes you just have to tag-team him. Other times, you might try getting a stuffed animal (or more usefully, a hand puppet) in on the game. Let the animal or puppet try to do it, or have the animal do it wrong (shoe on head) and you might be able to redirect the whole business.

(Like I ever have the patience to go the silly route...but I know it can work wonders!)