Thursday, August 07, 2008

Well, That Wasn't Our Best Day

Dave, at 10:00 last night, opening the second bottle of wine (thanks, Dad!), "So let us recap today."

"First, you are meditating and using incense to set the mood. And instead, you set off the fire alarm.

Then, after ADT calls, you decide to move the smoke out of the house by turning on the attic fan and while sucking up the smoke into the attic, it also sucks the 110 degree, 100% humidity air into the house.

And then you realize that the fan is still broken and you can't turn it off and, potentially, you will be sucking air into the house all day long on one of the hottest day of the year.

And then you call me and I can't come home and fix the fan and we realize that your arms are not as long as my monkey arms* and I cannot effectively describe my trick of turning off the fan and you are too lame** to actually do it yourself.

So then you stand outside in the 110 degree, 100% humidity weather turning the fuse switches off and on, off and on, off and on, multiple times around the box until you finally figure out which one turns the fan off.

And then you go out in the Subaru to run some errands. And the check engine light starts flashing while the power nearly cuts off in the car. You coast into the post office parking lot and call me. I call AAA and find out that they will not be able to tow the car for two hours. You have a choice of sitting by the car in the 110 degree, 100% humidity weather or walking back 15 minutes back to the house in the 110 degree, 100% humidity weather and then walking 15 minutes back to the car in the 110 degree, 100% humidity weather when the tow truck arrives and then walking 15 minutes back to the house in the (by then) 115 degree, 100% humidity weather after the tow truck leaves. You opt to walk and have some time in the a/c vs. sit by the car like a roasted idiot.

And then you get a call from our daycare at 4:30 in the afternoon to decide which pre-K class Conor is going enroll in: the going-to-kindergarten next year pre-K class or the going-to-wait-another-year-before-going-to-kindergarten pre-K class. This bring to a massive head the discussions we've been having for the last week about whether it would be better for Conor to be the oldest or the youngest student in his class. He will always be the tallest, but should we honor his introversion or his curiousity in when he starts kindergarten? We continue to note that everyone we know who has been the youngest in their class has hated it while those who have been the oldest or in the middle have not noticed it. The benefits for holding Conor back are numerous and could include more self-confidence now and college scholarships later. The benefits of letting him go forward include keeping him apace with some of his friends and keeping him from being bored for his first few years at school. Daycare gives us a week to decide while we try to make one of the biggest decisions in Conor's life thus far and we cannot get his reasoned input on it.

And then we get a call at 8:15 at night from the Fancy California IVF Clinic to 'discuss test results.' And while everything looks great on the fertility side (blood levels and egg counts), there is a problem with another test and they have decided to cancel our IVF cycle this month, resolve the test issues, and reschedule the IVF for October. You point out your lack of vacation days or sick days as a professor, but agree to the delay. They point out that nothing is inherently 'wrong' or 'bad' but we're delayed. Again.

So does that kind of sum up how the day has gone?"

Ummm, yes. Not the best day we've ever had.

*Maybe I was being cranky. **Maybe Dave was too.


E said...

I don't remember Conor's birth month but my son was born in January so the decision was made for me but just barely. My friend whose daughter was born three days before mine fought to get her daughter into kindergarten EARLY. And, yes, she is just fine after completing kindergarten this year. However, I feel like my son was able to extend his childhood by a year by not going to kindergarten now. The stress of life is bad enough. You are giving Conor a gift by giving him an extra year of childhood.

OneTiredEma said...

A July bday is giving you this kind of pause? Surely there is someone--even if not in PreK but in K--who will be younger than he is?

My sister's birthday is 12/28 and my parents struggled too, but they sent her ahead to Kg at 4.5 yo. Her only problems, as far as I can tell, had only to do with her attitude--nothing with where she was in her class. She played varsity sports from early on and had friends in all class years.

Then again my ILs held my BIL back because he would have been the youngest AND the smallest.

If Conor can stay with his cohort and keep up (I am sure he totally can) I would probably do that. Miss M is distraught about PreK now because I told her that she and her best friend probably won't be in the same class. They are going to the same school and are both going to PreK, but they divide the 80 (give or take) 4 year olds by birthday into 4 classes. So Nov '03 and June '04 really have no chance of being together. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me because they scrap that when they get to K. But anyway, it is what it is and Miss M is upset at only seeing her friend in carpool and after school.

PS Sorry about the IVF cancellation. Grrrrr.

Carroll said...

Aiee! Bad day, indeed :-(

As for the Conor dilemma, put me firmly on the side of "let him wait a year". Our tall, bright and curious but very shy January first-born son was oldest in his class from the get-go. It really helped with self-esteem and socialization. I'm a fan of letting them feel competent, strong and successful. It never impeded his academic progress because we were lucky enough to have him in a parent-participation elementary program where highly-individualized virtually one-on-one lesson planning was readily available.

Plus, it's far easier on his ego (and yours) should the need arise later on for him to skip a grade than it would be to repeat one.

Every kid/family is different though -- in your gut, you probably already know what's right for him. Have you tried the "flip a coin and see if you feel that initial surge of gladness or regret at how it turns out" trick?

His very wise Kindergarten teacher subscribed to the philosophy that "children, like flowers, bloom when they're ready". That extra year of childhood? Priceless!

The delay in your IVF process, however? Totally sucks! I can't even begin to imagine that roller coaster, Anita.

"Hang in there" is about all one can say.

Hugs from afar for all of the above!

Laura said...

Re: the IVF delay - I'd be bummed too. You had mentally prepared yourself that this would be the month, either way it worked out, and now you have to prolong it. I don't know what to say...((((HUG))))

lisa said...

Another July birthday's point of view here: I was moved up to the kindergarten class at my preschool at age 4, due to boredom with the 4-year-old activities. I did fine, and was set to move into 1st grade at age 5, but we moved to another state. My parents decided that as a 5-year old, I'd adjust to the big changes better in a 1/2 day kindergarten class than a full day 1st grade class with new kids and new surroundings. In other words, academically, I would have been fine, but they had me stay back for social reasons. Fast forward a few years. I ended up skipping 4th grade, so I had to get used to new kids and being the youngest all the way through college. I did not hate being the youngest--I was always proud of it. I'm still proud to be able to say that I graduated from high school at 16 and from college at 20. But I was always a little awkward socially. A late bloomer, and all that. I was never sure how much of it was my personality, and how much of it was a side effect from being the youngest. Actually, and you can relate to this, I blame the hair more than anything. I was always so uncomfortable with my looks (HAIR!!!) and with the reaction that I got from other kids. But maybe if I was a little older than the other kids I would have felt more confident in dealing with them. Who knows. He'll be fine, whatever you decide. And things may change down the road. And he'll probably blame all his problems on this particular decision, no matter which way you go, so don't sweat it.

Scott said...

I once had a supervisor tell me, when I was having a bad day, "life sucks then you die." Sorry about your day. I was the youngest in my class graduated from high school at 17 and from college at 45. In between I spent 20 years in the Air Force and 7 years as park ranger. Now I run a small lawn care business and happier than I have ever been. What does that all mean, nothing. The point is Coner will make it in life no matter what you two do. Kids do well, even when the parents make bad decisions. So do the best you can and enjoy watching him grow up.
Come on October.. I'm with ya.

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the IVF delay -- it just sucks, and I have nothing of substance to offer, just sympathy. On the kindergarten the data queen you are, you might be interested in a recent recent article (with links!)over at Slate:

- Veronica

Evelin said...

Hey. Celeste is 4 days past the cutoff date, so she'll be one of if not the oldest in her class. We decided not to fight it, for a few reasons, but the one that swayed me was this. Somebody who'd been the youngest in her class said it really didn't matter much when she was younger (although teachers say it does) but when she got to high school, and she was emotionlly not where other girls/boys were, there was pressure to be more sexually active than she was ready for.

That, as the mother of 2 girls, convinced me that it is OK to have the oldest girl in the class, so she won't be feeling at 14 pressure to do what she might not otherwise encounter until she was 15 or 16. Still sounds young to a parent's ear, doesn't it?

Good luck with everything. Sounds like a crap-tastic day, if you ask me.