What to expect when you are expecting perimenopause

In all my free time, I'd really like to write a book about the Joys of the change of life, with the actual working title of What To Expect When You Are Expecting Menopause.

In case you haven't noticed, there are tons of books for what to expect at puberty, what to expect during pregnancy, and what to do and not do during your children's infancy.  But I'll be goddess danged if there is any actual useful guide to what is happening during perimenopause.

One reason for this is could be the fewer numbers of senior women (compared to senior men) in power at medical schools and academia interested in studying what the heck is going on during their shift in life.  A second, more cynical view, is that who really gives a flying fig newton about women after they are no longer useful for procreation, amiright???

Anyhoo--here are the things I've noticed as I'm going through The Change.

I am cranky and quick(er) tempered.

I (usually) cannot sleep through the night.  Online book club at 4 am, anyone?

Hot flashes can be rolling, in that maybe you have one, maybe you have 6 in a row. Maybe you have them when you cannot sleep, maybe they just spring up during any emotional point.

My belly fat is growing even though my weight is decreasing.

I have jowls.

When outstretched, the lower part of my arms (once known as "triceps") hang down to the spot my boobs used to be.

Quarters at the bottom of socks, people.  Quarters at the bottom of socks.

My body's metabolism has changed regarding tendons and ligaments.  I don't really know what that means because, as this research article says, "the effect of estrogen on tendons and ligaments is poorly understood" (see earlier paragraph) but basically, what little is known is that it's entirely possible that my frozen shoulder, that stupid boot I wore on my right foot for tendon pain, and the fact that my ginormous bunions are increasing in pain are all due to my "Change" into a used up old hag (society's views, not mine).

And here's the most surprising part: Alcohol. Y'all.  Those of you who know me in real life know that I don't mind a glass or three of wine and can generally bounce back without too much problem. Nuh-uh. Not anymore. I thought it was because I was doing a low carb diet. Then I stopped doing that and it didn't get better. I cannot drink anymore without very severe consequences.   At this point, I'm on the wagon, occasionally sipping on very diluted drinks or one glass of wine over a long period of time.  Because otherwise, my body now considers alcohol as poison.  Oh, and the research? You'll be happy to know that drinking does not delay or accelerate menopause (You were very concerned about that, weren't you!?)

Some folks find that drinking increases hot flashes.  I do not have that problem.  I have just found that I can no longer drink and not have seriously negative effects. So, hot herbal tea for me, baby!

Memory and word recall have become bigger issues. What with all the children, animals, and grad students I have, I basically run through a long list of words and names until I get to some word that might start with the same letter as whomever or whatever I'm trying to talk about.  Sometimes I just get the defining characteristics as they are stored in my brain instead of the "Name" I'm supposed to use. Last week in grad class, I just called my students by their research topics.

So here is what you have to look forward to, womenses and some mens!  It's not a lot of fun.  And I'm pretty sure I've already forgotten some of the more interesting and important aspects I wanted to share with you.

Cycle of Life

Last week, I was providing academic insight for an article coming out on "mommy blogging."  I'll post the link when it comes out if I and the actual subject of the story do not look like assholes.  You never know sometimes, and I felt like this reporter had an agenda, more than I'm used to seeing.

Anyhoo, I have been reflecting on blogging and motherhood of late.  I have dropped off in my blogging, as reminded by a dear friend.  It's not like there is not a lot going on in my life as a wife and working mother of three children.  It's just that I think there's a lifecycle of parenting and I and my need to process everything has changed.

First, those early years of getting pg, being pg, and trying to keep my sanity and my children healthy have passed.  Those early years when everything is new and fraught have developed into years where everything is tweener and teenaged and there's more interacting with the actual humans I gave birth to in order to get it right instead of reaching out to other Mamas to make sure what is happening sounds normal.

Second, I am loving my career right now. I love my research (although, as the refrain goes, I should be writing a research paper right now). And I also have a lot more responsibilities, meetings, and less free time. Although, people, here is what I realized last week: I feel guilty if I am awake and not doing work. Cooking, mom-ing, doing chores, personal hygiene all feel like hobbies. My brain is set that awake means I need work. There is something wrong with that and it's not sustainable.

So those are the excuses.  What are the updates?

Conor will start high school in the fall. YIKES! We are going to a diverse, public IB high school that we love. He is a very good dancer and has taken up football. (Don't @ me; we are taking precautions.) He is self-driven at school and is actually starting to clean up his room on his own. We are negotiating the boundaries of his independence and our needs to ensure his safety.  He also cleans out the dishwasher, which makes him my favorite child.

Bridget is really progressing with her dyslexia.  It's amazing to see her confidence and pride in herself by reading more challenging material. Is your young child good at math but can't quite seem to get reading? He or she may be one of the 15 to 20% of people who learn to read differently than others. There are too many stories of my university students who thought they were stupid because they could not read, only to find out as adults they have dyslexia and are very, very smart.  It breaks my heart.  Bridget continues to train to be a lawyer first and a superior court judge second. It is clear that her early skills at telling people what they are doing wrong and how to do it better have continued to develop.  She actually talks to me and tells me things that have happened throughout the day unlike other members of the household, which makes her my favorite child.

Kit has turned into a renaissance boy.  He is doing very well at school, is excellent in math, loves reading challenging books, is a good dancer and piano player, and has created and sold paintings, although I have the best one and you cannot get that one from me. He has an innate sense of justice in this world and works hard to help the underdog.  His heart is bigger than most people's, so his emotions run deep. This means he loves hard and gets hurt badly, which makes him my favorite child.

The dingo loves me more than any other creature on this earth.  If I am home, Jules has her eyes on me.  I take a shower? She guards the shower door. I go downstairs, she goes with me. I go upstairs, here she comes! I work on my desk and she lies on the bed with her head facing me.  I've never experienced this sort of love/obsession before. It's nice and sort of weird to always turn around and see eyeballs on me. 

So things move along, right?  I would like to talk about life and the mother thing a bit more.  I've got to get out the mindset that every waking moment should be work.  That seems a particularly American issue and I don't want to end my life never having finished knitting those cute fingerless mittens that are supposed to be a weekend project. 

Right?

Right. 

Now off to my semi-daily hobby of taking a shower and getting dressed. If you see me today, at least you'll know I'm clean. Ish.