It Could Happen To You and Your Child

For Spring break , I took a class of 10 University undergraduates and 1 Graduate student to Prague I also took my 13 year-old son, so he could experience international travel. You can read about what we all learned from being together here.

This post is about what happened on the way home from our Study Abroad trip.  And while I hope I can add some of my typical humor in here, what you might just hear instead is how angrily I am typing on the keyboard.

We flew back from Prague through Heathrow.  When we landed in London, we were greeted by American Airline crew** who asked us if we were going to the US.  "Yes!" we said. And they ushered us into a separate room.  At first, I thought maybe this was a separate baggage screening area so that we could quickly move on to our next flight.  But there was nothing quick happening here.  I asked the crew** member at the door what this was and she told us additional security screening.  I pointed out we had now had about 1 hour and 15 minutes to make it through the "real" screening and make our flight.

A few minutes later, the crew** at the front asked for everyone on the 9:45 flight to Charlotte to move forward.  About 50 of the 75 folks in the room moved forward, so not really a lot of progress. But we were close enough that I could hear what was happening. They were quizzing a group of French teenagers where they were going in the US, where they lived in France, what they wanted to be when they grow up.  A middle-aged Indian woman and her much older mother were having a very difficult time understanding and answering questions. OK. I said to the students. This extra screening is for non-Americans traveling to the US. We should breeze right through.

We did not.  And when they started questioning one American about whether his house had a white picket fence around it, I thought, Oh, Sh*t.  How are we going to make our flight?

With one hour to go (and basically 5 people who passed through their questioning later), the American Airlines crew** told everyone who had a boarding pass that they could go straight to the gate.

My first reaction was that this was for show.  If they "had" to ask us all of this detailed information, and THEN they told us to skip on through, this was a bullsh*t show of phony security.

Next, we had our baggage screening for our carry-on luggage.  I told everyone that if they got through they should run to the gate and I'd wait around to make sure everyone got through.  Two kids got stuck. My son and I waited for them to finally be approved.  When everything looked clear with about 40 minutes to take off, the students, my son, and I ran across the terminal to the gate.

WHEW!!!!

We were some of the last in line, but WE MADE IT!

It was time to get on the plane. My student, my son, and I handed our boarding passes to the first American Airline crew** member. They told my student to go straight (I think; things get fuzzy here). They looked at my boarding pass and told me to go to the left. I took a few steps into the left line and I turned around to see what line my son was put in.

And he was gone.

Gone. Missing. Not there. His body was no longer where it was supposed to be in this world. He had disappeared.

I started calling his name.  My student turned around and I told him my son was missing.  My student (6'6" with a very deep and loud voice) started calling his name.  I am not a quiet person at all.  I called his first name.  I called his first and last name. The room was not that big.  Where the HELL could have gone?  Why would he go?

The passengers still waiting in line stared at us.  The crew** stared at us.  We called and called his name.  I told another student who had already passed the gate to go on the plane to see if he had sneaked past us.  I told my male student to go on board and I'd stay and wait for my son.

The room was not big.  There were not obstacles to seeing around it.  And yet, my 13 year-old son was disappeared*.

Just writing this makes me want to throw up.

I finally spotted, in a corner of the room, a make-shift space covered by white curtains with an opening.  And there I saw my son, with some of his clothes off, his shoes off, as they were inspecting the inside of his book bag.

I burst into uncontrollable tears.

I found out later that one of the crew** with my son said "Oh, Look! That's what mothers do when they are worried about you."  They KNEW I was his mother.  They HEARD me calling for him.  They did NOTHING to let me know where he was. And then they MOCKED me when they saw me crying. ((And yes, he wanted to call back to us, but being the very compliant child he is, he instead asked them if he was going to miss the plane))

I went to him.  He got dressed.  We went to the gate where they asked him what his zipcode was and what middle school he went to while I nearly snapped the head off the gate attendant.

We were the last people on the plane. My students were calling to me across the plane very relieved that we had made it. We sat down and I am pretty sure I began to kiss him. Yeah.  I'm sure he "loved" that and I really don't care.  Three more times during the flight, I broke down in tears and kissed and hugged him.  I'll blame the sleep deprivation that he let me do it.

Even now, right now, writing this, and thinking about it all, I still want to throw up.

We came back and I tweeted to American Airlines.  They first responded with concern and wanted to take care of the situation.

Then they responded again.  And it was less supportive. My son had been chosen for additional screening by a government mandated computer system called CAPPS.  Because we bought our tickets at different times, our tickets were not linked.  Therefore, they were under no obligation to let me know that he was being escorted away for private, additional screening.

SURE!!!!!!!!!!!  13 year-olds FREQUENTLY travel internationally without adult supervision while at the same time random people repeatedly and loudly shout their names at the boarding gate!!! It happens all the time, right!??!?!

OK.

So I have since found out that minors 13 and above can be separated from their parents by TSA.  (By all security???) But still: without the parents' knowledge??? By AIRLINE Crew**?  When did they become TSA/NSA/customs and border control agents?

Again, it's one (horrible) thing to search a 13 year old apart from his mother.  It is another to take him without even letting her know that is what you have done.

They took my son away from me without letting me know. GOD! YES! I feel guilty I put my boarding pass ahead of his. What a horrible mother.  Seriously.  But he was Right. Beside. Me.  He was my appendage on this trip.  Why would I think someone would take him from my SIDE?

So a few more thoughts:

*I am using the phrase: "My son was disappeared" purposefully.  If you don't know the meaning of that phrase, read this.  Yes, it was only 10 minutes that authority figures took my minor son from me. But I refuse to think it was normal or moral.
*What about those families who separated by INS at the border here in the US?  There is no difference in motherhood across cultures.  Again, mine was only 10 minutes. I cannot fathom the trauma to these families who are separated for months.
*The ACLU is not a big fan of CAPPS.  Go figure.  CAPPS keeps being suspended and reintroduced. I can't follow the news on it and its Wiki is out of date.  Someone who knows something should fix that.  I think back to that the first room with the excessive quizzing of all passengers (i.e., "does your house have a white picket fence?"). Is that related to some new implementation of CAPPS? I haven't traveled overseas in two years. But this felt really, really weird. I don't know. It seems weird.

What do I want from American Airlines?  I want a better apology than the one saying they were sorry for my frustration at this event. Don't ever apologize for how you made someone feel.  Apologize for what you did.  I also want to make sure this doesn't happen to another family. Don't yank a minor out of a boarding line without asking him/her if they are traveling with someone.  For Pete's fudging sake, it that REALLY a novel idea?

So, yeah.  This happened to me.  It probably won't happen to you.  When I am telling this story to my friends, I see them trying think of the ways they will prevent it from happening to their own children.  It's normal.

But it happened.  It has already happened. So it could happen again.  In this day and age, in this version of America, I wouldn't be so sure it couldn't happen to you, too.

**ETA on March 21, 2018: I've been using the wrong terminology.  It was the TICKET AGENTS who did this.  Not the flight crew or the ground crew.  American Airline confirmed to me in their direct message that this additional security was conducted by their employed ticket agents.