Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Six Years

Last night, I was reading a book (a grown up book, which at this point in my life is exciting), and the protagonist drank a vodka and cranberry.

"Wow," I thought, "I can have a vodka and cranberry, too. I can have a vodka and cranberry any time I want for the rest of my life. WOW."

There's been a series of these revelations since the twins have been born: I can sell baby equipment, I can drink, I can exercise, I can train for a triathlon (again). It's like a whole new section of my life has opened up again now that we're not trying to get pregnant and won't ever try to again.

At first, I thought it had only been 4 years--that's how long we've been trying to give Conor a sibling or two. But then I realized we started trying to have Conor 6 years ago. So it's been 6 years that every month has a contingency. Every month where I decided whether or not it's worth the risk to buy new clothes---because I might need maternity clothes sooner or later. Six years where I've wondered whether or not it's safe to have a drink.

I don't know if other women experience this when they are trying to get pg. I'm pretty sure men don't quite get the point of dual processing one's life (well, I could train for a triathlon or marathon but I may be 7 months pregnant then).

It's just very nice to be through this journey and to finally be able to be wholly me again. Well, as me as I can be breastfeeding twins.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I never comment, but this is so totally me! We just had our 2nd and last. Our journey was 5 years total and it is such a huge relief to Be Done. I never had infertility, but our first was stillborn so I am guessing many of the emotional issues are the same. I am giving away books and clothes with abandon. And I am so happy to never again have to think about when to get pg, how to get pg, when not to be pg, am I still pg, is the baby going to be ok, etc. Good luck with the tri - if you've run a marathon you can handle a triathlon no problem.