Saturday, January 17, 2009

Cousin Itt, Jennifer Aniston, and Kirstie Alley

Yes, indeedy.  What do Cousin Itt, Jennifer Aniston, and Kirstie Alley have in common?  Why, me with straight hair.  

Yesterday, while getting my roots dyed to sort of match my highlights, my junior stylist-in-training suggested that we blow dry my hair straight  Since it wouldn't cost anything more than walking out the door with wet hair, I said sure!  Well, 1 1/2 hours later....

Yes.  It took my junior stylist and 2 other senior stylists One and One-Half Fracking hours to blow my hair straight.  Maybe people with normal hair would feel special in a positive way having 3 stylists working on her hair, but I was feeling most definitely short-bus special because of my ultra curly, ultra fine (who knew?), many haired head.  I will be quite honest that when they started working on the front of my hair, I could barely see through the strands, and the image I saw was much like Cousin Itt above.

But then they finished, and parted it to the side.  And maybe it was because my hair was hanging half in my face and I didn't have my glasses on, but my first thought was "Holy cow!  I look like a fat Jennifer Aniston!!!"  When I was skinny and first moved out here, my students thought I looked a bit like JA, but now, honestly, not so much.  Dave, probably just being kind, does agree that he can see a bit of the chubby Aniston look.

Nonetheless, the resemblence to Jennifer was fleeting at best.  No, every time I look in the mirror now, Kirstie Alley peers back.  And not the thin Kirstie Alley.  The current Kirstie Alley.  With bad makeup.  And Dave agrees.  Yes, there is a Kirstie in there, too.

Ok! Ok!  I know you want a picture.  Look how long my hair is!  Friends in real life just screamed that out loud.  Who knew that curly hair could stretch that far when straight?  It's past my bra straight and curly, it's between my shoulders.  

And ((((sigh)))), what I notice most about this picture is how fat my back is.  I didn't realize how much this weight gain is bothering me until I warned a friend that when she saw me, I was going to look really bloated and I started to cry.  Dave keeps reassuring me that I'm pregnant with twins, not fat.  But when I look in the mirror and count the chins, I feel ugly.  (Which explains my recent binge on cosmetics--as soon as I feel fat, I but something cheap to make me feel pretty.  I have 3 new lipsticks, new mascara, and eye shadow de-creaser).  

I believe from the research that the weight gain will strongly increase my chances of carrying the babies to term. And even if they are early, my weight gain will make them fatter, which is one of the best predictors of premie survival.  

None. The. Less.  I am fat.  I've gained 15 lbs already, which is on the low end of what Dr. Luke recommends.  And I'll likely gain about 30 more lbs.  45 lbs in total is, again, what she recommends that I gain.  Bleah.  Fat.  

Skinny, though, I think this hair style would be cute.  And maybe I really would look like Jennifer Aniston.


Kim said...

Anita, I thought you looked quite slim in that pic! I don't even know you, but am so impressed by all the steps you are taking to insure this pregnancy is the best possible for those babies! Eat, eat, gain, gain!!! We are rooting and praying for all three of you!!!! Raising twins with the help of Conner will work that weight off soon, I bet!

nancy said...

Oh I am soooo happy to read all these posts. Nothing has updated on Bloglines since the 19th of DECEMBER! I feared the worse and couldn't be happier to be wrong. Stu-pid bloglines.

And darling, you look great! You are creating two lives in there, cut yourself a little slack.

You are not your weight.

Anonymous said...

You definitely do not look fat in that pic! Way too hard on yourself.

Anonymous said...

Two things:
1. You are not fat you are going to have a baby and will gain weight.
2. I have known you all your life, you know I am your brother, OH MY GOSH!!!! Your hair is straight OH MY GOSH!!!! DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wish my hair could stay that straight for more than an hour. One other thing you do look like Jennifer Aniston.

Scott said...

ooops I push enter not shift that is me with the note above


Carroll said...

Holy cow! (No pun intended -- honest!!) I've met you, Anita, and for the life of me, if I were coming up behind you in that picture and you suddenly turned around, I cannot even begin to imagine what your face would look like surrounded by straight hair. "You are not your weight" is totally true. But in the case of beloved blogger Anita, you *are* your hair! That is simply not Anita's hair. An interesting experiment indeed, but definitely not "you".

Our younger son had super curly hair (like Connor's :-) and when he left for college, decided not to cut it for a while. The following summer when some friends "teased" it out to see what he would look like with an afro? Oh my! Had no idea the length that had been concealed by those curls for all that time. Hey, maybe that should be your next new "do". Ask 'em if they'll tease it out a little bit for you -- heeee :-)

Seriously, Anita, I'm sure you look "fecund" not fat, and for sure Kim's right about the post-partum boot camp effect. You'll be fine!

Feeling fat though? Fully to be expected, and you can host a pity party here any time at all!

Maybe Dave can find one of those "fun house" mirrors for you -- the kind that make you look super skinny no matter what. Hay, now wouldn't that be the perfect gift for any pregnant woman? Marketing idea, anyone??