The last few months have been very, very stressful at work. I find the spring semester is always harder because not only are you in the midst of a brand new academic semester, you're also having to deal with the end of the academic year. It basically means that you're having to deal with two business cycles at the same time.
It has been particularly rough this year for a variety of reasons, and the upside of it is that I don't have a lot "extra" to give when I come home. I feel like I'm having to preserve my emotions so that I can sustain my own self worth, and when Conor gets all clingy and fussy I don't really have much left over to give him. This of course makes Conor more clingy and fussy and makes me more likely to back away instead of stepping up and meeting Conor's needs.
Sometimes, if I can take a deep breath, then ok, I don't mind if he has to sit in my lap and eat breakfast or dinner. But sometimes, when I'm cooking after being at work all day and he will not stop clinging to my legs and crying "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!", it makes me absolutely crazy.
The upshot of this is that it's gotten really, really hard for me to be as good a mother to Conor as I want to be. Fortunately, Dave has stepped up and taken over some of the things I used to do. When there's cooking and crying, Dave will take Conor out and play with Patches or pick up sticks. But it's not really a habit I want to get into.
And maybe the mommy! mommy! mommy! cling-on is annoying to anyone, but I always thought I'd be the one to be able to defuse the situation, calm him down, distract him and get back to making dinner. Instead, I want just 5 minutes....just 5 minutes by myself so I don't feel like a complete and utter loser.