Glitches

It has been an emotionally up and down week again, focusing fortunately only on the remodel.  In fact, the only effect this has had on the twins is that I'm too worked up to get to sleep early enough at night and as a result POOPED.  That would explain why yesterday, I went to bed at 8 and got up around 6.  In all honesty, I've been doing that about once or twice a week since about 16 weeks.

Anyhoo, this week's glitches came because our contractor's estimate did NOT decrease as much as we'd thought from cutting off 300 square feet off the plans and from my stupid Citibank Student Loans, from grad school, which I'VE PAID OFF!!!

First, the bigger issue: the contractor's estimate was still about $30,000 more than we can afford.  Again, $5,000 or $6,000, we can deal with.  $30k is  a deal breaker.  I pretty much decided we couldn't do the remodel or we'd just do the first floor and have a very small family room on the deck.  Dave, Kumbaya Boy, was still holding out hope that the contractor could bring the $30k down to a number we could deal with.

Foreshadowing what would happen, I told Dave that if this deal did work out then he could lord his Kumbaya-ness over me forever.  And indeed, 24 hours later, the contractor came back with an estimate only $6,000 over our budget, a number we could afford with some of the savings we've squirreled away. So, Kumbaya, oh lord, kumbaya.

The second glitch is in actuality minor but in reality could be a real problem.  My credit report came back will multiple disputes on it with my Citibank Student Loans.  Considering 1) I was never late with a payment,  2) that these loans are all paid off and 3) this has never shown up on my credit reports before (including the ones for our current mortgage), I was not amused.  When I called up the Citibank Loan services, the service representative quickly new what the problem was:  there is no problem with my account.  Instead, the credit bureaus often "misunderstand" what Citibank  reports and put down that there is a dispute when, in actuality, there is not.  

W. T. F.  

Maybe Citibank should change what they report to the credit bureaus so that this is not such a common  issue!!!  I faxed my info requesting the problems be corrected on Tuesday morning and just called and they "still haven't received the fax."  I put that in quotes because Dave, my calm and Kumbaya husband, called bullshit on that one.  I'm calling back tomorrow and at that point, Dave told me I need start getting nasty.  I'm pregnant with twins:  I can do it!!!  The distance between calmly hanging out and raging bitch is pretty short!!  

So tonight I continue packing.  I actually stopped on Monday because we weren't sure the remodel was going through.  We thought we'd pay the first month's rent and give our 30 day notice.  Now we're actually going through with this!  Of course, we have still not resolved the second glitch, which annoys me to no end.  One possibility is that we go ahead with just Dave to qualify for the loan, but that would mean that although I'd be on the deed, I wouldn't be on the loan, and I have to be perfectly honest with you:  it makes me feel like less of a partner.  I don't like it.  

But just like the contractor estimate worked out, this is going to work out.  And if I need to let my pregnancy freak flag fly to get this done, by jove and by golly, I will.  

We're switching internet from the old to the new house tomorrow, so I may not be available.  I'm sure this weekend, I'll be able to update what is going on as we move into our interim new house.  WOW!!!

20.5 Weeks

Today was a quick trip back to the OB for my 20 1/2 week appointment.  Although I am only 20 1/2 weeks, I am measuring 27 1/2 weeks.  Yeah, that's about typical for twins and basically confirms that I am enormous.

The doctor kindly said my blood pressure, protein in my urine, and weight gain were "perfect", which made me feel less like the  calmly peeing whale I have become.  

On the other hand, I remain exhausted.  So exhausted , that I cannot think of anything else clever to say for this post. 

So there.  I am done. It is 7:15 and time for me to go to bed.

ETA:  For comparison, this is a picture of me when I was 7 months pregnant with Conor.  I am about 5 months pregnant now. 

Oh, Lots of Things

We're packing up and moving into the new house.  It's really nice, especially now that we've painted the black S&M bondage room into a happy, light blue, little boy appropriate color.  Being that we lived in Los Angeles for 10 years, I also went over and smudged the whole house this afternoon. I smell like pot now, but what the hey.  I get a natural high off of smelling my own hands.  

I have felt guilty for not blogging much about Conor lately.  He is still the apple of my eye and the joy in my heart, and I guess I've been selfishly focusing on my body and our upcoming move.  But he continues to be as adorable and smoochie as ever.  

And continuing in this selfish vein, I will now blog about Conor's opinions about the twins ("It's awesome!") and his questions about their upcoming birth both a month ago ("Mommy, how are the babies going to come out of you?") and more recently ("Mommy, where is your pagina?").  He loves to say "Hi" to them and gives them lots of kisses.  I had to ix-nay the high fives he wanted to give them, but overall he knows he needs to be gentle.  He cannot wait to officially be a big brother and likes to tell everyone we meet about the boy and girl twins in my belly.  

He's also excited about the new house we're going to be moving into ("I can't wait to play there!!"), which is impressive considering that his daycare just moved campuses and he is handling that well, too.  I don't know if this is the correct parenting strategy or not, but with all these changes, I try to be as straightforward as possible about what is happening and when and what will be easy and what could be hard.  I don't think it's fair to say "Everything will be butterflies and warm cookies" when we are likely to encounter some over-cooked and under-seasoned spinach on this path.

That said, can I just say how much we still like having Conor end up in the Big bed about 2 or 3 nights a week?  Maybe it's because we're a working couple, but those middle of the night and early morning snuggles are the whipped cream on the top of our spicy hot chocolates.  Yes, it's crowded.  But the cuddles and snuggles and sleepy "I love you"s are worth every funky twist and turn.  Besides, you know I'm not sleeping anyways.  I might as well get a little snuggle out of it.  

How big is my belly?  It is pressed up against the desk as I sit in my normally comfortable spot on this computer.  It is big.  

But in not so big news, we went to the mothers of multiples sale on Friday night and OH MY GOODNESS!!!!  For $180, we got a double snap n go,  a duoglider stroller,  a purple bumbo with an activity tray, an arm's reach co-sleeper, a my brest friend nursing pillow for twins, and a new baby monitor.  I'm just saying, that much baby paraphenalia for that prices sounds pretty dang good to me!

What's freaking me out though is that every time I look at that double stroller, I think to myself "HOLY CRAP! WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!!" just like that and in all caps.  

Well, I'm missing blogging because I'm thinking up posts daily.  But the eyelids get really heavy after dinner and I'm really trying to focus during the day on getting my school work done.  I'm just over 20 weeks now, so we're over half-way there.  

And in exciting news, we're expecting a big snow storm (for us) tonight:  4 to 8 inches.  School will be closed for at least one day.  I don't know if I have any warm clothes to wear out, but I am looking forward to hopefully having some good snow play time with Conor after this storm.

I should pack some more boxes, but I'd really rather go eat a snack.  I wonder whether my obligation will beat my desire?

Getting Ready

I went by the rental on Friday.  I have to be perfectly honest:  I love our house.  But seeing this house, with its wonderful craftsman charm and BIG BEDROOMS AND BATHROOMS and a GROWN UP REFRIDGERATOR made me feel a little ungrateful towards our home.  We have a wonderful living space in our house.  The heart of our house is our very open kitchen, dining room and close by (but small) family room.  Considering I spend most of my time in the kitchen, because it is that nice, I love our house.  

But our bedrooms are so small.  Our closets are tiny:  I have about 4 feet of usable hanging space. And the bathrooms, while nice, are just not big enough. It doesn't help that in the mornings everyone including the cat and the dog tries to get in the 7 foot long "master" bathroom. 

So we are pretty excited about the rental, our new home while they pop the top here.  Dave put a gate in the fence between the two houses, so now we'll be able to move back and forth without driving around the block.  And we're hoping it makes clear to the renters after us that We Are Friendly People and We Get Along With Our Neighbors.  Unlike the nutjob renters who moved out---and painted the room that will be Conors, wait for it, black!  We'll be repainting Conor's room next weekend.  

We also moved plantbeds this weekend to get them out of the way of the construction.  The hardest plants were my grandmother's hydrangeas, which have grown quite large.  We moved one to the front of the house and one near the back.  I'm hoping they will both like their new homes.  

And I am pooped.  I did not do that much today besides digging, but I am just whooped.   

I have to start packing this week and determine what we take with us and what we leave in the garage or my home office.  I don't want to move everything, but I also don't want to spend the next 6 months skimping on things.  Of course, the remodel will be done right around the time twins are due so minimizing repacking is a goal, too.  Advice is welcome.

That said, whatever we decide to do, it won't be "wrong."  There is just going to be slightly more convenient and  slightly easier.  

Holy Cow

I think we're going to do this remodel thing.  Last week, after the Kumbaya post and the meeting of Squiggle and Peanut, we met with our architects and the man who is more than likely going to be our contractor.  He came back with a very, very reasonable estimate for the remodel.  It involved us doing a non-trivial amount of work and all the extras we said we could cut out, he cut out.  Nonetheless, it was still about $50,000 more than we could afford.  

We decided that although we loved this plan, we needed to go back to the original plan, Plan A. It had the square footage we could afford, but did not have the extra bedroom we needed.  We figured that the architects could just get rid of the loft (a "landing area" off the stairs) that served as an open room, and just add a bedroom there.  It would not be nearly as cute, but it would be functional.  

Folks, this is why you hire architects.  Tonight, we had a charette with our architectural team.  Although one might imagine that a charette is a short game of charades, it's actually a intense design meeting to figure out our home issues.  Our architect's goal was to keep Plan B but to reduce it in size to meet our budget. At that point, she had easily been able to delete about 150 sq feet for a $20,000 savings.  However, one might note that $20K NE $50K.  So although that was nice, that wasn't going to cut it.  I actually was feeling disappointed because I had in my head that we had to go back to Plan A and try to make that one work.

Then....Then....THEN!!! Dave suggested a new location for the master bathroom and everything fell into place.  She figured out how to arrange everything and cut off 4oo sq feet.  Our closet will be a little smaller than before, but still a boatload bigger than anything we've had before.  The loft (we still have a loft!) will be smaller, but can still serve as a small bonus room.  The child's bedroom/nursery will have a fine closet *and* the ceilings will be high enough to build  a sleeping loft later on.  Our bedroom will be the same size and will still have a sunroom off of it.  And all this will be within our budget.  It's Plan B writ slightly smaller.  And all because Dave suggested moving the bathroom!  In fact, we needed the entire addition to be 1000 sq feet and at this point, we're looking at about 972 sq feet.  

Holy Fracking Shite.  I think we can do this!!

In fact, I think we're ready to call our neighbors and move into the rental behind us March 1st.  

!!!!

Yes, there's still the whole business of getting the remodel funded.  But so far, all the signs point to yes.  And now that we have a realistic plan with a realistic budget and we're still going to have everything we want, (holy cow!), this may work!

Ok, yes, we are only going to have one bathroom upstairs.  This means that middle of the night pitter patter to go piddle pee is going to go through our bedroom and is likely to end up the rest of the night in our bed.  But really, how is that different than now?  It's not.  And when whoever is sleeping up there is older, I have no doubt he/ she can figure it out in a way that keeps everyone's privacy.  (There will be stairs down to his or her own bathroom.  Take them.)

Oh my goodness.  I think this is going to work out.

Hooray!  YIKES!!!

Peanut and Squiggle

I've had a hard time coming up with nicknames for the babies.  The main reason is that Baby A and Baby B works ok.  Another is that we used a lot of the gender neutral names with Conor and the subsequent miscarriages.  

But today, after our Level II ultrasound, it became clear that their names are Peanut and Squiggle.  Peanut is Baby A because she (!) is measuring a little smaller than her brother (!), Squiggle, who is very, very active.  

The ultrasound went perfectly normal and we are so excited to be having a boy and a girl.  I will tell Conor today when we pick him up from school.  But his request this morning was for a boy and a girl.  He gets to have a little brother and a little sister. 

Everything seems just wonderful for our growing little family.

As for our (hopefully) growing house, we're meeting with our architect and preferred contractor Thursday afternoon to figure out if we can build the house for the price we want as-is or if we have a do-over on the design.  

It's all going to work out.  That, I'm sure of.

Kumbaya

We ran into a good friend of ours, who is a developer, today at lunch.  Once we told him about last night's estimate, we are feeling much better that we can do the remodel "as is" for the budget we want.  Just one example of how this guy was way overbidding: he was proposing that just the electrical part of the addition would be about $20k.  Our friend had the electrical stuff done on his entire house  for about $12k.  Granted he is a developer and thus has better connections, whereas we are just regular lame folks.  Still, that estimate is stupid.

And though it's been on my mind, I haven't even broached the topic of the mini-van we are going to have to buy.  The night we found out about the twins, I found a used Odyssey for about $12k.  We should have bought it then, because now we can't find anything better than a 2005 Odyssey with 60K miles for, oh, $20,000.  One might note that a new 2009 is $25,000 or so.  YIKES. 

So then we started looking at Mazda5's which are mini-mini vans (micro vans) and start at $17k.  The good news is the price and the gas mileage.  The bad news is that it's small, and that we're sure Dave could fit in it, much less 3 kids, a dog, and luggage.  We don't travel all the time, but the only other car we could travel in right now is 13 years old, can't go up a hill without losing power, and may not fit two infant car seats at the same time.  So, um, yeah.

Now we're leaning towards a Toyota Sienna with the 8 seat option; Conor could sit with the twins and Patches and the luggage could sit in the back. Mom and Dad could even ride with us out to dinner when they come up to visit.  Dave even found a 2008 model with the options we want for $22k.  

We are, by the way, going to be selling the Jetta which should help us pay for this thing.  The Jetta's gas mileage is so good it's going to sell itself.  

In any case, I wonder why I'm having a hard time sleeping lately?  I mean apart from the fact that my uterus is twice the size of mothers of singletons at 18 weeks. And that I have an horrible stuffed nose and am sucking the paint off the walls with my snoring.  The result is a dry mouth that takes about 45 minutes to recover from when I wake.  And that my ginormous husband's nobby knees keep drifting over to my side of the bed.  It's not generally a problem when by belly isn't bigger than my boobs, but for some reason, his knees are inhibiting my ability to stretch out in a position that, theoretically, could be comfortable to sleep in.  And yes, I'm ending that sentence in a preposition and I don't care. 

Whatever.  Kumbaya.  It is all going to work out.  Right?

Financial Bleah

The first contractor just came back with an estimate on the model, at THREE times our budget.  It freaks me out more than it freaks Dave out, well, because that's how we are as a couple.  (Hence, I'm a nut and he is kumbaya boy)  

What worries me is that even if this is an outrageous quote, how can the quote we think is the most realistic be 1/3 what his cost is?  Seriously.

Then, we did a little math.  We've been told that square foot building cost around here was $135 at the highest.  We're hoping it's much lower now, or we still can't afford it.  However, this dude was coming in at $225 per square foot.  You have GOT to be kidding me!  That is a generous square foot equity estimate right now.  So this dude is on drugs.  We are not going to pay someone to remodel our house at the exact same amount of equity we would be adding.

So Dave, Kumbaya boy, came up with that reason for why his estimate was outrageous.  I, on the other hand, still am not convinced that our cheapest estimate is going to be within our budget.  Our budget is not flexible.  We cannot afford to go to a jumbo mortgage.  

Thus, I am getting ready for Plan B:  going back to the architect for a do-over.  We live on a half acre of land.  SURELY, there is some way to economically add another bedroom and a master suite.  And if it all stays on one floor, then hooray!, we won't have to move out.  But yeah.  I'm not thinking the current "dream plan" is going to work out.  

Kumbaya.

And yes, I know no one reads blogs over the weekend, but I have been in the weeds this week, and exhausted when I come home.  I don't think that's going to change any time soon.

Like Mother, Like Son

I swear, he was just showing me a boo-boo.

Financially Speaking

We are in the midst of figuring out how to finance our remodel and, more importantly, the twins.  Because I am new to most of this financial stuff, I thought I'd share some of the things we've learned, in case you, or some random googler, needs some information on what financing a remodel involves.  (I'm talking mostly about financing the remodel.  We aren't financing the twins beyond eating nothing but ramen noodles from January until August of next year, when we're paying $2000+ a month for three children in daycare.  Y.I.K.E.S.)

First, some basics about how we are approaching this.  Our remodel has to cost less than $120k, so that we do not have to get a jumbo loan.  When you hear all the news about current low interest rates, it applies only to loans under $417,000.  Over that amount and I think the lowest interest rates are around 7%.  For all of my friends and family in NYC and CA, bless your little high mortgage paying hearts.  We actually have the option of going a bit more than $120k for our budget, but we are not going to tell our contractors. 

We are also planning on doing a lot of the remodel ourselves to save as much money as we can.  We're going to paint.  We're going to put in the baseboards and crown molding. We're using laminate instead of granite.   We are going to finish one bedroom and bathroom ourselves.  We are going to build the master closet organizational system ourselves.  We're going to re-use or kitchen cabinets when we move one wall.  We're making the remodel of the downstairs bathroom (the "Butt Ugly Bathroom" as it's known) and the claw foot tub for the master bath optional. Those can wait several years (approximately 5 years, when the twins are out of daycare!) before they are done.  Whatever is optional for us to get an occupency permit, if it doesn't fit in the budget, it's not getting done.

Another key issue is that we're going to have to move out the house while they remodel.  They are taking the top off our house.  No roof on the house means, well, no roof over our heads.  That means we have to rent a house for about, oh, 4 to 6 months, while they do the remodel.  Perhaps now, you're thinking, hmmmmm, rent and mortgage?  ARE YOUR OUT OF YOUR EVER LOVING MIND?!?!?!?

Here's where Dave's hard work comes in.  He has found that banks carry a whole bunch of different "products"  to help with remodels. Some fully expect that you are going to pay mortgage and rent at the same time.  (Assholes)  Some will let you only pay accruing interest on the mortgage and renovation loan.  (Not really a bargain, but not as assholishly unrealistic)  And we think that the state employee credit union allows a 6 month grace period where you don't pay anything on the loan.  (WOOHOO!  Except that interest gets rolled into the final loan and eats up a significant part of our wiggle room to stay under jumbo loan size).  The good news is that we've found a rental for quite a bit less than we're paying now that would allow us to pay interest during the remodel. So that may be workable.  

At the end of the remodel, the bank then refinances everything---the mortgage and the renovation loan---into a new 30 year loan.  (Or a 15 year one, I guess. Bwhahahahahah! Those folks can afford both mortgage and rent)  Our goal is to end up with this final loan at one of the non-profit banks (banking services?) in which we are members.  Why?  If we choose an ARM, at the state employee bank, the max the interest rate could increase after 5 years is 1.5%.  At Wells Fargo, it could go up a full 5%.  If we go for a fixed-rate loan, USAA just has better rates and services than we've seen elsewhere.  I also feel like I can trust a non-profit better to not take advantage of us over a for profit bank (trying to make up profit for bad decisions over the last decade).  

So that is all I know about how one finances a remodel.  I have to be honest that I freaked out a bit last week when I found out that the new plans add more square footage (and more $$$) than we had originally planned.  But I still think we're in the ball park to get this thing done.  And if we're not, well.  I don't know what we'll do if we're not at least in the ball park.  Actually, I do know what we'll do.  The architects have already said they would work on the drawings until they get the plans to the budget we need.  

There you go.  YIKES.  Here we go!

Twins

So, at a little over 15 weeks of twin pregnancy, I have some observations to share about what it's like to be pregnant with twins.

First, it is a boatload of fun to see people's reactions when they find out that it actually is twins.  The most common response is the bug-eyed, slack jawed reaction. There is also a slight head adjustment  in which people move their entire heads forward in disbelief.  It's a lot of fun to tell people I'm having twins!  I'm going to be sad when everyone knows and I can't shock anyone any more.

Second, shocking people at having twins is going to be less likely over the next weeks and months.  My belly is HUGE.  And it's just going to get bigger.  I know you've seen the belly shots from a few weeks ago, but it really doesn't do justice to how quickly I'm growing.  Here's an objective example.  On Monday, I bought a new jumbo sized swimsuit to swim laps in.  While there are tons of maternity swimsuits, they are mostly for splashing around the pool and not for actually exercising in.  My enormous arms and back are crying out for a little toning, so I want to swim.  So I bought a regular, but jumbo sized speedo swimsuit on Monday.  On Friday, when I put it on to go to the gym:  it didn't fit.  I could not pull it up over my belly.  Monday, fit; Friday, too small.  That is how quickly I am growing big.  Again, let us all note that I am 15 weeks.  I swam in my regular jumbo sized bathing suit with Conor until I gave birth.  Y.I.K.E.S.  

Finally, I am pooped.  POOPED.  POOOOOOPED.  Friday night, I passed out on the sofa at 7:15.  I finally got off the sofa and stumbled into bed about 9:30 and slept mostly ok until 7 am.  Then on Saturday afternoon, I took a 2 hour nap.  I had only a little problem going to sleep Saturday night and am looking forward to going to bed early tonight.   I am concerned about my energy level.  To read and write (what professors do a lot of), I need a wee bit more energy than I am feeling at this exact moment.  And without the liquid motivation that is coffee, I am concerned about writing the 4 papers and the grant I want to get done before I pop out these two babies.  

So, umm, yeah.  Twins.  It is not the same pregnancy as Conor.  I'm sure my age isn't helping, and the fact that I'm not in as good of shape as I was with Conor.  Still.  It's not the same at all.

It's great.  Really.  I am loving it.  But a few extra hours in the day when I could sleep would make it all a lot better. 

The Long and Short of It

I'm back to my curly headed self.  And my hair has shrunk back up to between my shoulder blades.  Also, the blow drying and flat ironing fried my hair.  It was straw on Monday after I washed it.  I put in a deep conditioner tonight and hopefully by tomorrow, it will be somewhat back to normal.

This is the longest time I've had straight hair and the only time I've let people close to me see it.  Carrol is right that being curly is a key part of my identity.  And it freaked both my husband and my family out.  It really changed the way I look.  Fortunately, I do not often look like Kirstie Alley.  But there were other things.

It made my face look bigger.  My curly hair has always dominated my face and my bone structure has looked too delicate.  But straightening my hair made my bones look bigger (I think) and certainly made me look very bloated.  Yes, the weight gain has something to do with that, but I looked like I put on 10 lbs pre to post straight hair.

Second, I've always wanted long straight hair.  But I have to be honest with you:  straight hair is a pain in the butt.  My hair was everywhere all the time.  With my curly hair, I can just pin back a curl or two and go.  With long hair, I had to deal with whole swaths of it and even then, it kept creeping back to hang in my face.  (Probably trying to hide one of the chins)  I'm sure it's just what I'm used to, but I'm surprised to find that I like my curly self.  I wouldn't mind playing with straight hair a couple of times a year and be curly the rest of the time.

As for my weight gain, thank you all for kindly saying that I was not quite yet the size of Moby Dick.  I am, however, about 4 lbs from what I weighted when I gave birth to Conor.  One might note that at 14w5d, I still have a ways to go and a boatload of weight to gain. I know it's for the babies.  And I do believe with every pound I gain, I am more likely to have healthy, term babies ready to breastfeed and take home from the hospital.  That said, when you see my chins, my enormous butt, or worst of all, the rolls of fat on my back (AHHHHHH!), judge me not.

Or I might eat you.  It could come to that.    

Cousin Itt, Jennifer Aniston, and Kirstie Alley

Yes, indeedy.  What do Cousin Itt, Jennifer Aniston, and Kirstie Alley have in common?  Why, me with straight hair.  

Yesterday, while getting my roots dyed to sort of match my highlights, my junior stylist-in-training suggested that we blow dry my hair straight  Since it wouldn't cost anything more than walking out the door with wet hair, I said sure!  Well, 1 1/2 hours later....

Yes.  It took my junior stylist and 2 other senior stylists One and One-Half Fracking hours to blow my hair straight.  Maybe people with normal hair would feel special in a positive way having 3 stylists working on her hair, but I was feeling most definitely short-bus special because of my ultra curly, ultra fine (who knew?), many haired head.  I will be quite honest that when they started working on the front of my hair, I could barely see through the strands, and the image I saw was much like Cousin Itt above.

But then they finished, and parted it to the side.  And maybe it was because my hair was hanging half in my face and I didn't have my glasses on, but my first thought was "Holy cow!  I look like a fat Jennifer Aniston!!!"  When I was skinny and first moved out here, my students thought I looked a bit like JA, but now, honestly, not so much.  Dave, probably just being kind, does agree that he can see a bit of the chubby Aniston look.

Nonetheless, the resemblence to Jennifer was fleeting at best.  No, every time I look in the mirror now, Kirstie Alley peers back.  And not the thin Kirstie Alley.  The current Kirstie Alley.  With bad makeup.  And Dave agrees.  Yes, there is a Kirstie in there, too.

Ok! Ok!  I know you want a picture.  Look how long my hair is!  Friends in real life just screamed that out loud.  Who knew that curly hair could stretch that far when straight?  It's past my bra straight and curly, it's between my shoulders.  

And ((((sigh)))), what I notice most about this picture is how fat my back is.  I didn't realize how much this weight gain is bothering me until I warned a friend that when she saw me, I was going to look really bloated and I started to cry.  Dave keeps reassuring me that I'm pregnant with twins, not fat.  But when I look in the mirror and count the chins, I feel ugly.  (Which explains my recent binge on cosmetics--as soon as I feel fat, I but something cheap to make me feel pretty.  I have 3 new lipsticks, new mascara, and eye shadow de-creaser).  

I believe from the research that the weight gain will strongly increase my chances of carrying the babies to term. And even if they are early, my weight gain will make them fatter, which is one of the best predictors of premie survival.  

None. The. Less.  I am fat.  I've gained 15 lbs already, which is on the low end of what Dr. Luke recommends.  And I'll likely gain about 30 more lbs.  45 lbs in total is, again, what she recommends that I gain.  Bleah.  Fat.  

Skinny, though, I think this hair style would be cute.  And maybe I really would look like Jennifer Aniston.

A Clean House

Last year, after some raise or another, we decided to splurge on getting a housekeeper to come to our house twice a month. (I'm pretty sure that blew the entire raise and then some, but the joy of a clean house makes it worth it)  We have some  friends who have objected to hiring someone to clean the house because of its bourgeois implications and the possibility of taking advantage of others.  One might note, this same couple recently hired our housekeeper. 

In any case, last night we arrived home late and entered the back door rejoicing in the smell of pine sol as well as a variety of other clean smells.  I realized at that moment how unusual those smells in our house and felt a mixture of compuction and sloth.  We love Sue.  We love what she does to our house.  And we love how every two weeks, our house is clean and beautiful.

Of course, the night and morning before her visit, we clean our house the most.  It's a frenzy of laundry folding, toy storage, and magazine stack recycling.  Dave has noted that we really don't need a cleaner as much as the threat of a cleaner coming the next day to make us actually clean our own house.  

But then we'd miss the clean smell. And that would make me unhappy.  

And last night was ironic as I walked around loving my house and realizing that we had just had our last meeting with the architects on the remodel.  I think we've worked out most of the details and are working on a schedule to start construction Feb 28.  (YIKES)  We may be renting the house directly behind ours for the duration of the remodel, a stroke of luck after the poopie head, dog hating renters will be moving out mid-February.  The joy of their 10 surrounding dog owning neighbors was assumed after a collective cheer followed by hip shaking, tongue sticking out dancing was observed.    Na-na-na-na-boo-boo was also heard.  

The babies are also doing really well.  We had our latest OB appointment on Monday, in which I attended the OB Clinic.  I thought it was sort of a Welcome to Our OB Practice, until I found out it was a special event for high risk patients (twins, auto-immune, old hag).  Pick just one and I qualify.  Baby A's heartrate was 164 and Baby B was 168.  They are perfect.  

I, on the other hand, am huge.  I'm starting swimming again this weekend, once I find a ginormous speedo (not an oxymoron).  I will feel better about my arms if they a little more muscle and a little less flab in them.  Ditto for my fat back.  Swimming will also help my core, so I'm hoping to start swimming 3 or so days a week.  I'm not going to get any smaller; I might as well get a bit more muscular.  Of course, will anyone be able to see muscles under the layers of fat?  Good question. Don't ask it to my face.  

So, in conclusion, our house is clean, we're really going to add on to it, the babies are fine, and I'm enormous.  (Double chins have been spotted.  Easily.  Although considering that my face sort of fades into my neck without the assistance of a jaw, it's not that hard for me to get a double chin) 

You are now up to date on the mother thing household.   

Start of the New Year

I am back from a wonderful family cruise to celebrate my parent's 50th wedding anniversary.  Yes, we celebrated Dave's parent's 50th wedding anniversary at the end of the year and my parent's 50th anniversary at the beginning of the year.  We have celebrated anniversaries this last month.

The cruise, our first, was actually pretty cool.  The weather was nice and the food was good.  Carnival Cruises has *free* camp daycare for children over 2 years old from approximately 9 am until 10 pm at night (with a few breaks).  We did not leave Conor in there for even just one entire day, but it was nice to drop him off for a few hours so he could do kid things (color, dance lessons--the sprinkler?, crafts, truck races, etc) and we could do grown up things (be lazy, play cards).  

All in all, we totally recommend cruises for family vacations.  Lots of opportunities for everyone and you don't have to cook or clean.  How cool is that?

Of course, we unwittingly continued Dave's family tradition on family vacations--a somewhat serious trip to the emergency room.  We did not plan on doing this, yet, it happened.

We got on the ship about 11:30 am on Monday.  At about 4:30 pm on Monday, the ship pushed off the dock.  At this point, Dave got his first umbrella drink* and I got a fake umbrella drink.  We were all on the top deck of the ship looking watching the cruise shop and enjoying the weather.  Conor was playing "make believe" golf on the putt-putt course we were looking forward to playing on.  Make believe golf is apparently a combination of golf and baseball, in which one pretends to putt the ball and then run around the hole.  Except this time, Conor decided to run up the putt-putt course and tripped.  He fell on the only big, jagged obstacle on the entire course, a fake tree stump with pointed edges. 

He screamed.  Even as I was running towards him, I could see the blood around him on the putting green.  I picked him up and he had a bloody hand over his eye.  I swear to God that for one horrifying moment, I thought he had punctured his eye.  I pulled his hand down and saw, instead, a huge bloody hole in his forehead.  

Dave reached us and scooped up Conor as we began to run for the infirmary, having absolutely no idea where it was.  We went down a deck and found a waitress serving drinks.  She took one look at us, put her hand to her mouth and screamed.  ("Ok!  It *is* as bad as I think it is," I thought to myself)  She ran us down to the elevator and sent us to the third floor.  A kind couple got on the elevator with us and helped us get to the third floor, explaining where the infirmary was.  Fortunately, it was directly off the elevator.

We arrived and a very efficient and calm nurse took us immediately to the back.  Conor was covered in blood by this time and we were all very upset.  She wiped off the blood off his hands, his chin, and his face and we got to see that yes, indeedy, that was a big ass gash on his forehead.  Stitches were not optional.  

I can go into the gory details, which I do repeatedly when I think about it and get upset, but it was pretty awful for both Conor and me.  Dave, being used to stitches on family vacations, was less freaked out.  But there was a flushing of the wound with a long needle from underneath the skin.  We had to restrain Conor for quite a while as he screamed "OUCHY!  OUCHY!  IT HURTS."  The first set of thin stitches broke, so we had to go with thicker ones.  It was rough.

And then it was over and Conor felt much better.  Once the act of giving him the two stitches were over, he was really and truly fine.  And our nurse spent a substantial amount of time determining that Conor had indeed had his tetanus shot and followed up with us 3 days later to check on the wound and Conor.  Really.  That meant a lot to us.  

Of course, that's still not the whole story.  As we were running for the elevator, my narcissistic body decided to have its own breakdown.  Turning and running into the elevator door, I felt my calf seize and I heard it pop as the cramp ripped apart.  This is the time when all the attention should be on my son and his injury and all of a sudden, I'm lame and shouting out "Fuckity fuck" on the elevator.  The good news is that I really only couldn't walk for about 2 or 3 days.  The bad news is that when I started to be able to walk better, that's when the bruise from the muscle ripping started to show.  By Friday, the entire back of my leg from the middle of my calf to the bottom of my foot was black and blue.  Why yes, it *is* very attractive.  

Dave said he was holding a bleeding Conor and saw me limping into the elevator, he was like "Oh, crap.  How can I take care of both of them."  He later told me "I chose Conor, you know."  "As well you should have," I replied.  We, unlike others, agree this is the right choice for us.

In any case, we got the family drama over with early.  The rest of the trip was thrillingly and happily healthy and fun.  Conor's scar should be minimal and I don't really care about my leg.  It still works and that's fine.  

School starts back tomorrow and I certainly cannot complain that I did not do anything this winter break.

Looking Swell

We had our first trimester screen on Wednesday, and, as the doctor says, everything looks perfectly normal.  Both babies were jumping around, measuring right on time, and had fantastic heartbeats.  Their nuchal folds were well within normal, indicating a low likelihood of a chromosomal problem.  We are obviously thrilled.

Even better, I finally got to talk to a doctor who has some serious knowledge about my auto-immune treatment.  He was able to cite research and has done the most to convince me that after the first trimester, now that the pregnancy is well established, I no longer have to inject myself with Lovenox.  I do not have an identified thrombophilia problem (blood clotting issue).  And although no one has yet to disagree that my eczema from the last pregnancy was a sign of an auto-immune problem, Lovenox is not going to affect that--the prednisone did.  He did say I could continue on with the Lovenox injections for the rest of the pregnancy if I wanted, but he did not think it was necessary.  

In any case, I am seriously considering stopping the Lovenox.  

And tonight is our last progesterone in oil shot and my last dose of estrogen tablets.  I am so psyched!!!  My husband will no longer be a literal pain in the butt!!

I am also pretty sure that I've already felt both babies move.  I am twelve weeks along, folks.  Women who have already had children seem to quickly forget how incredibly early that is to feel something.  (indeed, I just felt a little butterfly squiggle when I wrote that)  I didn't feel Conor until February of our pregnancy, at about 17 or 18 weeks.  I'm a full 6 weeks earlier with these babies.  And my belly is HUGE.  And it's just going to get bigger!  

It just feels crazy.  Twins are crazy.  And we're crazy about them already.

Fat and Tired

We're just arrived back from Rockford, IL to celebrate Dave's parent's 50th wedding anniversary.  It was a lot of fun and Conor nearly levitated with happiness to spend time with his 11 cousins (one cousin, his godmother, could not make it as she is currently deployed chasing pirates off the coast of Africa).  Honestly, Conor *loves* being around his cousins.  He always shows off their pictures to all our guests including  repairmen and, actually, my mother-in-law. They all kindly remark on how wonderful his cousins are.  

In other news, things are going well pregnancy-wise.  I am about 1/2 lb behind schedule on the weight gain, but considering that next week, we're going on a cruise to celebrate *my* parent's 50th wedding anniversary, I have no doubt that I'll be able to make up that 1/2 lb and the 2 additional ones I'm supposed to gain.  

The good news is that the nausea is almost completely gone.  The bad news is that the fatigue has increased exponentially.  Being the wonderful daughter/sister-in-law that I am, I spent pretty much all of the time on this trip either eating or napping.  BP (before pregnancy), a 2 1/2 hour nap meant a late bedtime.  Now it means I can stay up until 9:30.  I am so glad I am not teaching at this exact moment because I'm pretty sure I could slip into a coma during a pause in the class discussion.  

And my belly.  Folks, this is a picture of me at 11 weeks pregnant.  

Eleven weeks pregnant!  I'm huge!  And it's not my uterus.  That's still pretty low.  It's my guts getting moved all around from my growing belly at the bottom.  Besides the fact that this is my 5th pregnancy, so things have moved around before, the twins and the surgery have made things change a lot quicker.  Plus, I guess, those 10 lbs didn't just go straight to my massive, flabby upper arms.  

Ok, enough about me.  The next post is going to be about Conor and Christmas.  I have a picture of Conor just before he jumped up and down seeing presents from Santa Claus.  

Now I have to decide if I can take a nap, whether to work my syllabus for next semester, or take a shower.  All 3 have to happen today, but I'm not sure in which order.  

The Remodel

We've known since we moved into this house that we were going to need to remodel it at some point.  And although we've put a bathroom here, a home office there, we had decided to put off a full remodel.  Until now.  

We've been meeting with an architect for the last 5 months or so.  We had actually decided on a nice plan until the architect asked us where Conor was going to sleep once the twins were born.  (One  might note this was in the last 5 minutes of our 1 1/2 hour conversation)  We looked at each other and couldn't really figure out how three children would fit into our house.  We could see how we could cobble together a nursery for the twins, but actual bedrooms?  Not so obvious.  

So our architect went back to the drawing board and made a few more adjustments that 1) add another bedroom and bath and 2) will let us phase in the construction.  What that means is that they will frame it out and officially call it storage space and then Dave will take the next year to add the drywall and flooring and tile/toilet/shower to finish it up.  This will save us a boatload of money but allow us to actually have a big enough house.  

What is pretty funny is that it's not really going to be a BIG house.  But for us, it will seem enormous.  We think this is a good thing because it will still capture the spirit of our 1940's working class house but will let us feel a bit more spacious and modern.

So what are we doing?  We're taking over the back deck and making it a "real" room.  It will extend our family room and also give us a (grown up!) laundry and mud room!  The stairs to the second floor will also be there.  

On the second floor, we'll have a loft/landing area which we think could serve as an upstairs family room or make shift guest accommodations.  We'll also have a smallish bedroom (all of our bedrooms are small to smallish) with a closet and a bath.  Then we'll have the master suite, which will be huge to us and moderate to most suburban houses, with a gas fireplace and a sun room.  We'll also have a walk-in closet (quite unlike any other closet in the house...of which there are only two very small closets in our house), and the master bath.  Because of our old neighborhood, we're going to have several dormer windows and bay windows and most exciting of all, the 7 foot bathtub will be housed in a bay window off the bathroom.  (((sigh)))  I will be sure to wave to the neighbors when I take my baths.  (Window treatments are going to be important there!)

Of course, what that also means is that we're going to have to move out of the house for a few months while they "pop the top."  Perhaps we could stay in our home, but with all the lead paint and asbestos likely to be floating around, we think the best option for Conor and me would to be out.  Perhaps Dave can stay and breathe all the bad air while Conor and I are in a hotel.  :-)

Best of all, we currently believe that because of the economy, the remodel will cost about 20-30% less this year than if we had done it last year.  And with the current mortgage rates (and that we absolutely cannot and will not go near the amount for  a jumbo loan), when we refinance everything at the end, we may not actually be paying any more per month than we are paying now.  

So there.  We're doing quite a bit over the next couple of months.  I'll be growing a few new babies and we'll be growing a new house.  It should make for very interesting blogging times.  

And, of course, speaking of the babies, I am now 10 weeks along, and I am totally showing.  I honestly feel like I am getting bigger by the hour.  I can't believe that I'm already showing this early along.  

Time to finish grading my finals.  Yippee!

Waist Not, Rock Not

The pebble in Conor's ear was not too big of a deal.  He was very upset that he had done something wrong.  And quite scared when the doctor had to pull it out.  He said it hurt coming out, but I'm sure it was more of the loud sound of it moving around in his ear that was more frightening.  

There was a moment when the doc was having problems that she intimated that we might have to take it up a notch with a more specialized doctor if she couldn't get it out.  (Do pediatric ENTs specialize in rock removal?!)  Fortunately, she got it out, we put it in a specimen bottle, and she marked to visit with the code "Foreign Object Removal Ear."  I find that amusing.  It's obviously not even close to being a rare event in the pediatrician's office.  

As far as what once was my waist, at 9 1/2 weeks pregnant I am fully in maternity clothes.  I had lost about 10 lbs over the summer and so I was thinking that I could wear my fat clothes in the early pregnancy.  However, they are falling right off of me when I put them on.  (Even colleagues note that "Dude, those pants are way too big.") And I can't wear my regular clothes because I cannot button the tops of my pants.  

And I know that even though there are two in there, my uterus is still not big enough for me to be "showing."  What's up?

Apparently, my uterus, although still small and not visible, is pushing my internal organs around.  Thus, my waist is much bigger than it normally is at this weight.  Even worse, I think it's obvious that, because of this spring's surgery, my belly button is the weak part of my stomach.  Indeed, my belly button has almost already popped.  9 1/2 weeks!  And my belly button has almost popped!  Ugh.  I'm just not envisioning my belly to be the prettiest thing ever seen, what with the enormous scars from the surgery making a smiley face around my belly button and the black and blue track marks from the Lovenox. It causes my dear loving husband to shudder sometimes.  Anyone want to venture a guess on what the heck my scars are going to do as my belly expands with two babies?  I'm voting Not Pretty, whatever it turns out to be.  

Oddly, I look much thinner in the maternity clothes than I do in my regular clothes, so I'm psyched about that.  (Buttons not straining to reach and all that, I suppose)  So I guess there is a silver lining here anyway.  And Conor's rock is out of his ear. That could have ended up being a much worse story than it did.  Thank goodness.

Things I'm Surprised to Say

"Son, don't touch with your penis at the breakfast table."

"But it's itchy."

"Hmmmmm, it might be time to wash those pajamas."

And today....

"No, I'm not going to be able to grade this afternoon because I have to take my son to the doctor to get a pebble out of his ear."

Food and Fatigue

I've been trying to strictly follow the Dr. Luke Diet, but after gaining over 4 lbs in one week, I figured I could probably cut back a little bit.  It occurs to me that she may have written that diet for twenty-somethings and not for women, ahem, over 35.  My metabolism is not the same as it was in my 20's and since I'm still not allowed to exercise, I'm not really burning off that many calories.  So I'm going to try to keep the protein and dairy consumption up a high level, but I am not going to make myself sick trying to get to 3500 calories a day.

What's become more of a problem is the fatigue.  I am absolutely pooped a great deal of the time.  I took a 10 minute nap yesterday when I got home so I could cook dinner.  And then I was in bed by 9:00.  Ironically, Conor was still up by 9:00.  He's been going to sleep later (not to bed later, but to sleep later) and I've been going to bed earlier.  There has been overlap in our bedtimes and I'm just too tired to argue when he asks to come in bed with me.  Also, it's fun to read our magazines together and then go to sleep.  If Dave comes to bed late enough, he can take Conor in for his late night pee-pee and then put him back in his own bed.  It's a win-win for everyone.  

I'm hoping that I'm at the peak of both the fatigue and nausea part of my pregnancy.  I've forgotten what it's like to not feel gross around food.  Or what it's like to not want to take a nap every few hours of the day.  

A few more weeks.  I'll be glad to be back to normal.  Well, normal while pregnant with twins.

Still Looking Good

The ultrasound went really well yesterday. The subchorionic hemorrhage is gone (hooray!) and the babies had a bit of a growth spurt since Monday. I was 8w1d yesterday and Baby A measured at 8w0d and Baby B (the bruiser) measured at 8w3d. Heartrates were at 178 and 180 respectively.

I am *not* doing any cardio exercise though. I may do some walking and yoga, and I'd like to swim, but I'm going to wait until we've gotten past the 10 week Level I screen before I do any cardio. That's when we found out that Colleen (miscarrage #3) had too high of a heartbeat and I didn't stop exercising---which I should have.

In other eating news, I am switching from my regular diet of eating as much food with as few of calories to eating as little food with as much calories as possible. My first day following Dr. Luke was painful because I was just eating more of my "regular" food. I thought my stomach was going to explode. Then I got 2% milk, full fat yogurt, cheese, ice cream and some meat and was not in nearly as much pain the second day. By the way, cheese is my friend: 2 oz of cheese, which is not that much, has more calories than a chicken breast. That certainly explains why I don't lose weight when I'm eating cheese, but that counts for two servings of dairy and 240 very good, non bloating calories on this diet.

Oddly, I'm also finding that although I'm eating a substantial amount of food at each meal and snack---I am STILL getting hungry! I even had a double 1/4 lb cheeseburger for lunch at school on Thursday, and I was still quite hungry afterwards. Yikes!!

It is cognitively Very Weird to try to get fat. It's why Dave has to listen to me repetively cite the benefits of this early weight gain. He doesn't care, but I am still convincing myself.

It's 9 am on a Saturday. It might be time for another nap.

I Am Full

Everything is going well with the spotting, which means there is none.  I am taking it easy, although I'm no longer trying for full bed rest.  I'm just trying to not stand on my feet all that long at any one time.  

We go back Friday for another ultrasound and I'm really looking forward to it!  I am also imagining two little beans in my belly with two strong heartbeats as they start to grow their arm and leg buds.  

What is more on my mind, or more literally in my belly, is what I'm eating and going to be eating during this healthy pregnancy.  In the infertile world where more people than you would imagine end up with twins, I have constantly heard women sing the praises of Dr. Barbara Luke, a professor/researcher/epidemiologist/MPH/registered dietitian who runs a program to help women with their nutrition during twin pregnancies.  She is also a full professor at the University of Miami Medical school, which in my world means she's done significant research and is recognized by a prestigious university as an internationally known scholar.  

So, yeah, she has a few academic credentials.  

But because I am a critical scholar, I also checked out her academic publications through our school.  (We don't have a medical school, but we have a big school of nursing and have a ton of medical journals available to us)  The most impressive peer reviewed, academic study I found by her and her research team involves comparing 190 mothers of twins who've followed her nutritional program to  331 "regular" mothers of twins, all of whom gave birth over 6 years at the University of Michigan hospital.  These women were not randomly assigned to the program, it's one main drawback, but they are all using a university hospital, so they are not completely different populations.  

In any case, the mothers who followed her nutritional program reduced by *more* than half their chances of having preterm labor, preeclampsia and babies' time in the NICU.  They also increased their chances by more than half of giving birth after 36 weeks and increased by 2.5 times their chances of having a baby who was not low birth weight.  Those are impressive results.

I know from some of my criticisms of non-randomized research that you can often explain health outcomes by the "healthy" third variable.  For example, people who very strictly follow their doctor's advice on taking medications are more likely to have healthy outcomes.  And this doesn't matter if the medicine is real or a placebo!  So people who follow her nutritional plan may simply be part of this healthy third variable group--they are just naturally and conscientiously healthier people.  

Nonetheless, when one sees changes as big as these changes--reducing problems by one half and increasing positives by more than a half---one is more likely to believe that the results of the study are due to real program effects and not population differences.  

So yay--a way to improve the odds of us "going all the way" and taking the babies home with me when I leave the hospital.  Which just so happen to be my two main goals with this pregnancy.

What's the nutritional program?  Gaining a boatload of weight the first 20 weeks.  How much weight?  (((Gulp))) 25 pounds by 20 weeks.  She wants a total weight gain for someone my size (which I would like to point out is exactly in the middle of normal for my height.  Ha!  I keep thinking I'm really fat.  But after living in LA, maybe normal/average is fat) of between 40 and 55  lbs for the whole pregnancy.  Yes.  That *is* a lot of weight?  And how do I do it? By eating around 3500 calories a day.  

Holy. Shit.  Do you know how much food 3500 calories represents?  It is a LOT of food.  I thought that it was supposed to be just a lot of protein, but in all honesty, it's the same proportion of proteins to carbs to fats as the FDA food pyramid; it's just a boatload of food.  

Oh. My. God(dess).  I feel like Rene Zellweger gaining weight for Bridget Jones' Diary.  It is not fun at all.  It's one thing to go overboard and eat 2800 calories in one day.  It is quite another to eat 3500 calories every day and not be training for an ultra-marathon.  I am telling you right now that this is worse than any "diet" I've ever been on in my life.  

And yes, I can see why one would think this was bullshit and just eat a little bit more than normal.  But when I see that I have at least some control that is clearly within my own power to go to term with these babies, to not have them be in the NICU, and to take them home with me as fat and healthy as Conor was, I look at the clock and plan when I'm going to have that piece of whole wheat fiber toast with cashew butter and a banana for a "snack."  (That would have been a hardy breakfast a few weeks ago) 

Pelvic Rest

I have been spotting about once a day for the last week or so.  It's been brown, so I really haven't been that worried.  Also, I found this site which argues that spotting is quite common with IVF treatments because the estrogen and progesterone have made one's lining quite fluffy. It's, therefore, more likely to spot a bit.

Then yesterday morning, we went from spotting to bleeding.  It was a qualitatively different event.  I freaked out a lot and called my doctor, who then scheduled an ultrasound for yesterday afternoon. 

There is no bad news.  The good news is that the babies have grown (though not as much as I'd like) and their heartrates are perfect.  They also found a subchorionic bleed next to baby B. It was very small, but could explain why there was bleeding.  I wish it wasn't there and I can't understand why I have a clot when I'm on lovenox and baby aspirin.  It makes me more cautious than ever about going off the lovenox any time soon.

So now I'm on "pelvic rest."  I'm not supposed to lift anything heavy or to stand while I'm at work.  I contacted the CA clinic who said that 70% of their IVF patients have some bleeding in early pg (very much like the link above suggests).  In addition, the "vast majority" go on to deliver healthy babies.  They, however, hinted that they would have recommended full bedrest.

I do  think everything is going to be ok.  The babies look great.  I really think it's going to turn out ok. It just wasn't a lot of fun yesterday.  

Twins

So, ummm, yeah!

We are adjusting to having twins.  And yes, I do know it's still  early and all that stuff, but things are looking great and there's no reason to think otherwise, so I'm thinking that come July 1, we'll be the proud and sleep deprived parents of twins.  

Oh. My. God(dess).

As my mom and dad said, it's one thing to think you're having twins and quite another to know it.  So Dave and I decided also when we were both wide awake on Monday night around 2 am.  

We are obviously really excited, but there are issues.  Like, neither of our current cars can hold two rear facing infant car seats, much less two rear facing infant car seats, a 5 year old in a booster seat and a dog.  That problem was actually resolved fairly quickly by at least identifying that the 2004 Honda Odyssey (ahem, minivan) is holding up very well for a used car and is very reasonably priced on Car Max.  

We also need to get moving on this remodel.  The timing and the financial situation are actually really good right now if 1) we can figure out the best financing option and 2) find a contractor willing to let us buy some of our own material at a cheaper price and do some of the work ourselves.  And we also have to find a place to live for a couple of months since they will be adding a second story and our house won't have a roof.  Yikes.  

And then, what is most concerning to me, is making sure I do not go into preterm labor.  I've had friends who have had months of preterm labor and bedrest and premature twins and friends who kicked booty and, although were majorly uncomfortable, had very healthy babies.  I'm wanting to be like option #2.  I've already ordered a few books and am surfing the web and the med journals for info.  Basically, my preliminary conclusions are that 1) I need to gain a substantial amount of protein based weight to help my uterus grow and 2) I need to take some serious calcium supplements.  I know that freaking out about pretern labor may seem a wee bit early, but what I'm seeing is that the recommendations are a 20 lb weight gain by 22 weeks.  And at 7 weeks, considering I've lost a few pounds, it seems like I ought to be paying attention to what I'm eating.  

In any case, HOLY COW, I'm still   a bit freaked out!  We're excited!  Yes, we are!!  But there are  a few things to do before we give birth.  And this doesn't even include the two research papers, book chapter, and the NSF grant I want to get out before I give birth.

But as my new guru Oprah says, you can only do one thing at a time.  So don't freak yourself out about how many things you need to do.  You can only take one step at a time.  While you're running, screaming down the street.    

Tranes, Mushrooms and Guacamole

Our new heating system, a Trane, was installed on Friday,  and there was much rejoicing.  It's amazing how used one can get to being cold all the time.  Actually, no.  I never got used to it.  I just got used to moving the space heaters around the house according to what we were doing. What's even better is that with this new system, it's also obvious how bad the old system was.  Now, we're warm in *every* room.  Not just the ones right where the heater came into the house.  They still need to hook up the electrical part of it; a sensor is missing.  Still, it's warm.  And we are happy.

On other fronts, we are quite surprised that Conor has a mushroom on his knee.  Wha????  He actually has ringworm on his knee, but despite its name, it's actually a fungus.  So really, he has a mushroom growing on the skin around his knee.  He most likely got it playing in the mulch around the rain garden, according to the vet when we took Patches in to see if he was the culprit.  We're treating him with antifungal cream which takes about two weeks to a month to heal, for Pete's sake.  We're trying not to call it ringWORM around Conor too much because I think it could freak him out.  We're also not calling it a mushroom on his knee much either.  Mainly, we're just putting medicine on his "thing" twice a day.  (Which sounds totally inappropriate when I say it like that).  Still, it's a thing and he's not freaking out about it.  That's the good part.  

Finally, Holy Guacamole, folks.  We've got some news and if I was a better writer I could tie together the heater, the ringworm and this final bit of info.  Nonetheless, after battling off a migraine this morning (from the extra hormones) and trying to keep the cheese I just ate down, I have something big to tell you.  We went in for our ultrasound this morning.  I was worried because I haven't been having as bad of pg symptoms for the last couple of days, i.e., I could eat.  A lot.  And I wanted to eat a lot.  

Also, I was supposed to have the OB's appointment first and then the ultrasound, but they switched it.  Dave was going to skip the OB and just be there for the u/s.  But they were very kind and by the time I'd peed and gotten undressed (with my socks still on because it was COLD), Dave arrived.  

We held hands, while they started the ultrasound.  We haven't always had good luck with these things, so I'm sure I was squeezing his hand pretty tightly.  She kept the screen facing her so I couldn't see what was happening.  "Well," she said, "I can definitely see a heartbeat."  

Oh, thank goodness, I thought.  Everything is going to be ok.

"Actually," she continued, "heartbeats. There are two.  I didn't want to say anything until I could see both heartbeats."  

Oh. My. God(dess).  

I had totally convinced myself that there was only one in there.  Dave has been sure all along that there were two (as were my parents).  But I was convinced there was only one.  I mean, I've been queasy, but I haven't been dying of morning sickness.  Although I have thrown up twice, which hasn't happened before.  

In any case,  back to my uterus.  Baby A measures 6 weeks 4 days and has a heartbeat of 125.  Baby B measures 6 weeks 4 days and has a  heartbeat of 124.  Since I am 6 weeks 4 days, I take this to be a good sign.  Also, 124 is a perfect heartrate at this point.  (I would link to the research, but I cannot find it)

So, Yay!  It's a little overwhelming right now, and I have a ton of work to do today.  But we are pretty psyched that things look fantastic at this point.  And looking fantastic at this point is a very, very good place to be.  

Still Here, Shivering

Hello! Hello!

Things are going just dandy, which means my boobs are killing me, I'm often nauseous and I will likely fall dead asleep by 9:00 tonight.  I will also wake up several times throughout the night and have to pee.  In. The. Cold.  

We are still without our furnace here in the frosty Mother Thing household.  And it's getting down to 25 degrees tomorrow night.  The good news is that is now blatantly obvious that the insulation we had blown into the walls last winter really works.  We have two space heaters and are able to keep the house livable.  That's saying something considering the first winter we lived here, I could easily feel a breeze in the middle any given room.  It's still cool around the walls and windows, but for the most part, our house is comfortable.  Truly, without a furnace.  That is nice.

Nonetheless.  Friday we get a new dual fuel pack hybrid thingy installed.  And supposedly, the whole house will now be the same temperature.  And that temperature will not be frosty.  We are very excited.

As for the belly, we have our ultrasound next Monday.  Otherwise, my goal is to just keep growing this little one inside of me and helping him/her be healthy.

The Boobs

My boobs really, really hurt.  In all my gazillion pregnancies, my boobs have never been this sore.  And that includes when I was breastfeeding, which for those of you who have tandem nursed, you know hurts.

If I could walk around hunched back with nothing touching my chest, it might not be so bad.  

But as that would be an awkward way to teach class (and frightening to the students, indeend), I am just going to have to continually complain and complain about how bad this things hurt.  

I know it's a "good sign", but nonetheless, it hurts.

New Number In!

I swear, I wasn't trying to play coy.  One of the problems with being on the east coast with a west coast clinic is that they are fully unaware of one's freaked-out-ed-ness about how late it is getting for the results.

Today's number at 19 dpo (14dp5dt) was 2962.  It more than doubled twice from the last beta at 15 dpo.  I have to be honest with you:  I know that's a fine number, but I'm a little disappointed.  I'm not worried, but I'm not longer convinced that it's twins.  It may be that there were twins and now there isn't.  

The doubling rate was 43 hours, which is a little bit longer than the average of what they see on Betabase.info for either singletons or twins.  I know the doctors are happy to see any doubling rate less than 48 hours.  But that is sort of like saying that seeing a heartbeat (any heartbeat) reduces the miscarriage rate to 5%.  It doesn't.

And maybe it's with my miscarriage rate that it's just not likely I'm going to be thrilled with anything until I have a baby in my arms.  It's a fine number.  I would have liked something closer to 3200.  I can't have everything, eh?!

While We're Waiting....

for today's follow up test results, go check out Looky Daddy's recent post.  It truly moved me.  

Good News!

Well, we just got the call from the doctor's office.  I am "officially" pregnant.  My HcG was 631 on 10dp5dt, 15 dpo.  (By the way, I think I'm doing the numbers right.  If I'm off, would someone let me know?  We had a 5 day )

That's definitely the highest HcG we've gotten this early in the game.  It could still be indicative of twins and it could also be just a high number for a singleton.  The good news is that I've already passed the threshold for not having a miscarriage based on an academic study.  

Honestly, I thought the number would be  higher. But really, we are happy. We go back on Tuesday the 11th for our follow-up blood work.    

Dadgum it!

I hate when I realize that I totally didn't blog about what I meant to blog about.

I was dashing off that last entry before class and what I had actually been thinking about all morning, was WOW!  Thank you for all your support on our "We're Pregnant" post yesterday.  I was so excited to hear from a few folks that I haven't heard from in a while!  I'm so glad to see you're still here!!

I'm actually looking forward to posting more often in the near future, perhaps as we deal with the possibility that I've got two buns in this oven.  But in any case, I wanted to say that your comments made me feel really good yesterday.  Thanks!!

14 dpo

I guess officially, this is 9dp5dt.  But I've already converted it in my head from retrieval and transfer to ovulation.  If yesterday's HPT was dark with the line saying, "You're pregnant", today's line was all "I saiiid you were pregnant."  It is so much darker than control line is amazing.  I only had this happen once and it was 3 days further along.  Since HCG is doubling at a rate less than 48 hours right now, I can only imagine what tomorrow's blood test is going to be.

Even if I hadn't tested, I would suspect something was up.  I nearly yakked last night when I hopped out of  bed to go to the bathroom.  There will be no more hopping out of bed in the near future.  Food is also an odd thing:  I'm hungry but can be easily repulsed by the most innocent of foods.  

And then we have the boobs.  I used to have very small boobs.  But 3 1/2 years of breastfeeding (and a couple of extra pounds) truly changed that.  Now, however, they are both sore and enornmous.  It hurts to lie on my stomach and it's frightening to see me in some regular shirts. When I told my students that I was going to California for a medical leave, I assured them I wasn't dying.  Then I added, I'm also not going to California for cosmetic surgery.  I'm not sure they would believe me right now.

We're So Excited!!!

We are so psyched over here in the Mother Thing household.  After waiting for years and years, we've finally got what we want!!  It's pretty much all we've been talking about and I think we're still pinching ourselves to believe it's true.

What?  Do you think I'm talking about the election?  Well, although we are pretty psyched about Obama's win and Dave has called me" obsessed," no, this is much better and more Mother Thing specific news:

We're PREGNANT!!!

And honestly, according to the progressively dark line on the four tests I've taken in the last four days, we're apparently Very Pregnant.  I'm 8dp5dpt (13 dpo) and the test line this morning on the FRER is darker than the control line.  The last time that happened, my HCG/Beta count at 16 or 17 dpo was over 800.  (I'm voting that the control line is closer to 600 units).  In any case, that's a really dark line for 13 dpo.  

I don't go in for the bloodwork for 2 more days, but we thought we'd go ahead and share our excitement about the good news:  both the pregnancy and the election!!!

The Election

I don't when I've ever been this excited about an election.  It probably has to do with voting in state that is actually going to make a difference this year.  I've voted in every election and primary since I've turned 18, but this one feels like the first one where the eyes of the nation are on us and what we're going to do.  Probably because that is true (there's not a lot of suspense in how NY and CA are going to vote).

Yesterday, Obama had one of his last rally's at UNC Charlotte.  Did you know that?  It was AMAZING.  No, I did not attend, although I just missed him at campaign headquarters.  But our campus was pretty much vibrating with energy and excitement yesterday.  And when I left at 4:00 and saw a mile long line of people lined up to get into the stadium, I thought my heart was going to explode.  In all, over 20,000 people stood in the cold wet rain to hear him speak.  

I am sure that there are quite a few folks in this typically red state that are concerned that we might turn blue this year.  But from my vantage point, it's all good.  If North Carolina becomes a swing state, we will be the recipient of so much attention and goodwill (money!) for each election, that we can actually have a say in how this country works.  That is an amazing outcome for our state for the 2008 election.

Now let's just go out and vote.  For Obama!!!

3dp5dt

How weird to finally be "in the game" with this process and being able to write that bizarre word.  It stands for 3 days past a 5 day transfer--essentially 8 days past ovulation in a regular cycle.

Yes, I completely understand that it's too early to feel anything "real", nonetheless, this is the first cycle for sure that I know somebody (some bodies) are in there.  Yesterday morning, I was totally reeling in indigestion after breakfast.  Again, I know it's too early, but I had that exact same feeling at about the same time for Miscarriage #2.  I didn't have any heartburn last night after dinner, but I did wake up this morning feeling like I had a "sour stomach."

This morning I woke up feeling nauseous. Not anything horrible, just not liking food.  And then I coughed and immediately dry heaved.  That's not typical.   

In any case, it's way too early to test and alll of these "symptoms" may just be side effects of the PIO.  However, I didn't have any symptoms before the transfer and have only started them a few days later.  Annnnd, feeling the rise of acid in my stomach now.  Hopefeully, this is good news.

What is not good news is that our furnace is out!  Brrrrrrrrr.  Hopefully that will be fixed today because it's freakin' cold around here.

Transfer

The transfer went really, really well.  They transferred two high quality blastocysts that looked like they were starting to "hatch".  The embryologist said that it meant that they were likely to keep growing---a good thing.

We also have already frozen quite a few other blastocysts and it's possible that we'll have some more tomorrow.  

We are pretty psyched.  I'm thinking sticky peanut butter thoughts---my uterus is like peanut butter and the embyros are stuck in it and digging in.  

I'm to take it easy for the next three days---not the crazy bedrest they prescribed before, just off my feet and taking it easy.  So, that's what I'm going to do.  

I'm already starting to feel a little crampy.  It could be from the catheter that they stuck up my coochie, but I'm hoping that it's a couple of buggers digging in there.

:-)

Surprisingly Good News

When we last checked in, one day after retrieval, we had found out that 15 of our 22 eggs had fertilizied.

Two days after retrieval, we found out some astonishingly good news:  in those 24 hours, an additional 6 eggs fertilized.  We now have 21 out of 22 embryos that are trying their darndest to become babies.

Today, we found out that things are still going very, very well.  According the the chart they gave us, today they would like to see 4-8 cells.  The good news is that one embryo is now an 10-12 cell morula.  The embryologist assures us that although this is unusual, it's actually a good thing.  We have three 10-cell embyros with two graded good  and one graded fair.  In addition, we have five 8-cell embryos rated good, six 8-cells rated fair, three 7-cells rated fair and three 6-cells rated fair.

As far as I can tell, everybody is looking pretty good.  The more cells the better, so we actually have 4 really dang good looking embryos and an additional 5 pretty dang good embryos.  The remaining 12 are, I guess, just dang good looking embryos.  I read somewhere that less than 4 cells today are a bad sign and everybody has more than that.  

Although the embyrologist says the morula is fine, it worries me that it may be past its prime for transfer by Tuesday.  I really hope not.  

We'll see how things go.  I'm thinking things look good.  I just hope Mr. Morula doesn't peak too soon.

15!

We have 15 fertilized embryos!!

Today they are going to let us know how they are developing (2 vs. 4 cells) and whether we will be doing a 3-day transfer tomorrow (bad) or a 5 day on Tuesday (much, much better).

I am beginning to feel like a pin cushion.  My belly is quite bruised.  Yesterday's heparin shot went very, very wrong and there is a huge bruise the color of a midnight thunderstorm on my belly.  Also, I am beginning to notice that when I lift my shirt to get sympathy for my bruises, my friends' first scream of horror involves the giant millipede scar from my stomach surgery, and it's only after they take a breath and scream again do they notice the bruises. Let's just say the bikini modeling days are well behind me.

Speaking of my behind, the PIO shots started 2 days ago.  The first one felt fine and I wondered what all the belly-aching was about.  Then I went to sleep and rolled over.  Ah.  That's why.  Yesterday's shot hurt almost immediately, but I found that walking around like an ostrich in a parade seemed to help work out that pain.  Today, it just feels like I've been exercising hard and my booty is sore.  If only that were the case.

Hopefully, we'll hear soon about the cells' progress.

So Far, So Good

Well, this is a bit different. Of course, now that I've said it, I've jinxed everything. And I'm not being facetious, that's how I feel.

They retrieved 26 eggs. 22 were mature. They did ICSI on them and we'll find out later today how many fertilized. They all think this is good news, but my stomach gets in knots just thinking about it.

We're traveling today, so I hope to have Internet access later on to update.

Update

Well, things are still looking good.

The retrieval is set for Thursday.  We may be looking at double digits as far as the number of follicles goes.  

I'll post again on Friday to update about the fertility rate.  I say that feeling like I am being way too bold to even think that might happen.  

It's truly surreal to travel around the country to try to get pregnant.

It's a Go!

Holy Cow.  It appears we are actually doing this, or at least, we're actually heading out to California.  Everything is a go and I am still surprised.  

Of course, not to sound like Eeyore, but I'll believe it when we're there and they are actually doing the procedure.  I have to admit that it feels like we're carrying our own pharmacy out on the plane.  We got a letter from the docs just in case TSA stops us and wants to know what the bazillion syringes are for.  They look deadly, but the worst they could do is cause the pilot to ovulate and improve his or her uterine lining.  While some might find that weird, it's not technically a "threat."  

It looks like Thursday will be the retrieval date.  We're looking decent with the number of eggs and I don't want to jinx anything by saying the exact number, but we are actually optimistic. If Thursday is retrieval and everything else goes well, transfer will be on Tuesday.  

I've obviously had a hard time focusing on getting everything done here.  But somehow, I'm actually Getting Things Done.  I have to be honest, two weeks off in the middle of the semester is no professor's idea of a good time.  Thank God(dess), I have tenure now.  It makes this whole procedure a lot less stressful.

We'll have internet at the hotel, so I'll be sure and update when we can!!!

YIKES!!!!!

Mother Things

The trip to the dentist continues to be important in the Mother Thing household.  Conor is checking the morning and evening circleson  his Brushing Board.  We've always brushed morning and night, but now there's somethign to check and so he likes it very much.  He's also very concerned that we finish brushing his teeth with little circles.  They repeated that several times, so he's very concerned that we do it correctly.  We oblige.

Our architect came by on Weds with the drawings for the remodel.  He's recommending a second story master suite with a loft and taking over the back deck for the family room.  We actually LOVE the drawings.  It will really make our house more Arts & Crafts-y and add on space without just plopping big rooms around the floor plan.  It will always be a smallish house with smallish rooms.  But it will feel bigger and actually have more space.  In any case, we have to figure out if and how we can afford the remodel.  And there's an issue with the kitchen window we need to figure out, but other than that, we're loving this plan.  

So far, the trip out to the clinic in CA is still on.  Things look good right now, but I've thought that before.  We'll see what happens in the next few critical days.  I did finally figure out that icing BEFORE I give myself shots decreases both the pain and bruising.  I was doing it afterwards, but now I no longer shout out curse words if I hit some painful spot.  It still looks like Dave has beaten me with a stick on my belly.  But, you know, whatever.  

I had to tell my classes that I am leaving for nearly two weeks for a medical leave.  I'm keeping the real reasons private (for once!), but I didn't want my class to think I was in danger of dying or anything.  Then again, if I told you I was going to a clinic in California for nearly two weeks, what would you think?  Well, if you could see me, you might think I was going out for cosmetic surgery!  So I did tell them that 1) I'm not dying and 2) I'm not getting cosmetic surgery.  They thought that was very funny. (Cuz I could probably use more than a little at this point!)

Nonetheless, we have a boatload to do to get ready.  And I haven't even told you about She and Ne (they rhyme).  I promise I will tell you about She and Ne soon.  This is one thing we have to get on record before they go away.  

Conor's First Dentist Visit

We're a little behind taking Conor to the dentist for the first time.  But we decided to go ahead and start him, even without insurance.  (We are changing my plan this week!)

It went really well and he was such a big boy.  We found out that Dave and I are supposed to help him with his brushing until his about 9 years old.  (I had no idea about that)  Nonetheless, he had very little tartar on his teeth as evidence by the purple dye.  

He had his first x-rays showing that yes, indeedy, he does have his permanent teeth in and they are ginormous.  Like me, he's going to have to have 4 bicuspids (?) pulled when he's young so that all his chiclet teeth will fit inside his mouth.  However, to help them come in straight, they are going to pull 4 top and 4 bottom so there will be room.  The dentist assures me it won't hurt Conor, but I will wait and see on that one.

Conor did really, really well.  He had a little conversation with the hygienist answering her questions and commenting on the equipment.  And when she started scraping his teeth, I could see his clenched little fist up on his chest.  Then he slowly relaxed it and put it on his chest.  I was so proud of him, calming himself down and trying not to be afraid.  

On the next trip, they want to get x-rays of the sides of his teeth to look for cavities.  I'm hoping we can start flossing tonight and prevent him from ever getting cavities.  (Dave and I have exceptionally few cavaties)

It was really a big day for Conor!

UPDATED:  I keep getting teary eyed thinking about today's dentist visit.  He was such his own little man sitting in the chair and interacting with the hygenist.  He's really growing up.   And it just about breaks my heart.  

Ramping Up

Well, the medications are starting to ramp up for our next cycle.  We're heading out in a couple of weeks and I'm hoping things work out this time.  It's incredibly weird to be leaving for so long in the middle of the semester.  A good friend is lecturing for a week in my undergraduate class, and we're meeting over the weekend for my graduate class.  All in all, that will work out well.

I'm still recovering from Bunny Stomp 2008.  I did not get the reaction online that I received from my FtF friends--the screaming, the hold of one's face in one's hand and the general disgust at having someone who could step on a bunny in one's presence.

Perhaps I did a better job at describing the pitch black road between the two streetlights, the hard pillow/soft book feeling of that particular step, and the (not being flippant here) the horrible screams that ensued, both the bunny's and mine.  I have apologized to everyone I can think of:  God, the universere, the bunny, every one.  And I am still having a hard time dealing with that experience.  

People ask how I couldn't see it:  it is so dark here right now in the morning.  The sky doesn't even think of getting lighter until 7 am, and I was out there about 6 am.  

People ask how it is physically possible that I stepped on a bunny:  my call is that the bunny was already injured, a thought that comforts neither me nor the bunny.  

I don't know if I have shared my experiences of running and jumping over a bird that flew up between my legs or scaring a mouse once or getting into a fight with a squirrel.   But I'm starting to get a wee bit paranoid with the wild animals and my runs.  And wondering what it is about me and my running that I am a hazard to mostly innocent animals while I'm out and about.