Insomnia and Reassurance

This is a familiar experience: I can't get to sleep and I'm pg. Usually, I can doze off and then wake up between 2:30 to 3:30 and stay awake for another hour or so, but tonight, I'm starting the insomnia early! My sinus infection is really hurting, too, so that's not helping. But I'm hoping this will tire me out enough that I can sleep. Or at least get to bed before Conor arrives.

I sought some reassurance today about the fever. I do like that I've found journal articles, but I needed a human to talk to. So I called my doctor and I called OTIS, the Organization of Teratology Information Specialists. Teratology is the study of the effects of drugs, medicines and other exposures on fetuses. Through a google search, I found a handout of their's on 101 fevers and it had a number on top to talk to a local counselor. While I was waiting for the doctor to call back, I called OTIS.

First, the doctor's news: they are not worried at all over the fever and do not anticipate any problems. I, of course, blubbered upon hearing this, and felt much relieved. They worry when the fever hits 104 and he said he thought a 101 fever is very common. He was actually very, very kind and supportive. Which made me cry all the more. They know I've had two miscarriages and they are thoughtful at this practice.

The OTIC counselor was not quite as "everything is ok", but she was as close as she could get. She said that really, it's over 102 and it's for a much longer time and even if I doubled my risk (which is what the fever does) it would go from 1 in 800 to 2 in 800, again not that big of risk. And also, because I'm taking the extra folic acid, which cuts neural problems by 70% that even if I did fall in the worst case scenario (which I didn't), it wouldn't even put me at a 1 in 800 risk. I was still well below the population average.

Whewwwwwwwwwww.

So all in all, good news. The counselor did recommend that during my ultrasound I have them look especially at the stomach and heart, but she said that was for my own reassurance, not that she thought anything would be wrong.

Sometimes, it's nice to call and get reassurance on life's little blibs.

A few more squirts of saline up my nose and I'm going to try to go to sleep again.

Yet I Still Think Everything is Going to Be OK

I was sick over this weekend: I had a fever.

In case you are wondering, it is not good to have a fever this early in the pregnancy. Phrases like "neural tube defects" keep popping up at an alarming rate. Nonetheless, I think everything is going to be ok.

First, my fever was less than 102 F. That's apparently the cut-off for "bad things could happen." At its worst, my temperature was hovering around 101.4 for about 12 hours. That is not good. But in some of the medical research I saw, the bad fevers are over 102 and last for at least 24 hours. I'm in the middle group: the not bad fever group, but also not in the no fever group. In this study, the middle group was not statistically different than the no fever group as far as medical outcomes go.

I also found a much, much, much more reassuring study looking at the interaction between early maternal fever and vitamin use. In this study, no vitamins/no fever was the control group. For women who did not take vitamins and did have a fever, the risks that someone could go wrong were pretty high compared to the control group. But for the group who did take vitamins and developed a fever, they did BETTER than the control group on nearly every single outcome. Thus, prenatal vitamins serve as a buffer to the damaging effects of the fever. Considering I have been on pre-nates for 3 years now and have been taking an extra shot of folic acid for the last 8 months, I think I should benefit from this buffer.

Nonetheless, we are in a slightly raised risk because of the fever. Last night, the ob nurse thought the fever was significant enough that she called in a prescription for antibiotics; the fever is coming from a sinus infection.

I feel completely out of it today, due in large part to taking my temperature every hour last night to see how good/bad it was.

But I do think it's going to be ok. I'm trusting my gut on this. With the last 2 m/cs, I was seriously worried when no one else believed that something was wrong. Now, I believe everything is going to be ok.

But I'd really like to catch up on my sleep. Let's hope this fever stays away so I can sleep tonight.

An Unusual Place

I'm in an unusual place with this pregnancy: things are going very well.

Yes, I do know that it's very early and we haven't seen the heartbeat. But those betas are really high and the doubling rate was perfectly normal. But, apart the doubling rate, absolute hcgs aren't supposed to mean anything, right?

Wrong.

The general Internets are wrong about this one. After spending a day cyberloafing, umm, googling for what I could find out about hcgs at 14 and 16 dpo, it suddenly hit me that I could googlescholar this info and access the medical journals for what they had to say. (I must admit the idea came from a comment I read on Hippogriffs from a couple of years ago)

Besides newly pregnant women who are obsessed with their HCGs, apparently doctors are quite interested, too. And yay for me, most of the tests that they've done are on 14 and 16 dpo.

The good news? According to Horman et al from a 2000 study in Fertility and Sterility, when an hCG comes back over 500 on 16 dpo, the miscarriage rate by 20 weeks drops to less than 5%. That's right. Instead of the usual, 20-25% miscarriage rate they give you, with hCG over 500, you are in a whole new range of goodness. Although age plays a minor factor (the older you are, the higher the hCG needs to be to in the good place), they still aruge that absolute beta values are related to viability of the pregnancy. Since our score was 876, I thinking we are in a good place. And selfishly back to me, even if I miscalculated our dpos, and we were 15 and 17 instead of 14 and 16, by guesstimating , we still would be well over 600 on 16 dpo.

I like them there odds!!!

As for twins, ummmm, yes, actually, you CAN make a prediction about twins based on hCG. According to the another study that I forgot to save, if a woman's hCG is over 600 at 14 dpo, there is a very high chance that it's twins, ummm, like approaching 100%. Since ours was only 348, we are not there.

However, according to another research study by Zayed et al in the 2001 Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics (I'm not sure that's the right name of the journal!), when either the 14 or 16 dpo HCG is over 500, the odds of having twins are about 50-50. Over 700 and you're approaching 100% chance of twins. However, I criticize this study for having a low number of participants. Nonethelss, according to what I can see in Betabase.info, we're probably around 50-50 chance for twins based on our scores.

So there. The news looks pretty good. We have not seen a heartbeat and won't for two more weeks. But I have to say that things are looking positive for this pregnancy. And even if I messed up counting our dpos, (since one really doesn't know when one has ovulated with the docs looking in), we're still looking good on our numbers.

It's really, really hard to stay positive based on our experience. But I'm giving it my best shot. And if there are two beans in there, we've got more than enough hearts to love them forerver.

The News, It is Good

We got the first positive on 10 dpo. Despite honestly believing that I was not pg, I decided to test really early, mainly so I could have some wine Saturday. It was a faint positive, but not a really faint positive. I could tell almost immediately which the direction the test was taking.

Of course, I compulsively took tests every morning after and was thrilled to see that the tests were getting clearly darker. That has not always been the case before. Originally, I vowed to wait to tell the doctor until it would be time for the ultrasound, but patience is a virtue, and I’m not always a virtuous woman.

So, we had our first HCG/Beta test at 14 dpo along with a progesterone test. The results: 348 with a 31.7 progesterone.

We were thrilled. Even the doctor called the results “strong.”

We got the results for the second beta test at 16 dpo yesterday. The results: 876!!! That’s a doubling time of 36.7 hours and exactly in the middle of normal doubling for our beta. We’ve never had a double rate that was “normal” according to beta base so I am THRILLED about that.

We have never gotten good news like this before. Yes, I know we’re not out of the woods yet, but it seems like we’re playing in a different part of the landscape with this sort of the news.

The u/s is in two weeks and the doc went ahead and scheduled my OB nurse and OB doctor visit. I am really happy and very optimistic.

Hopefully, finally, a yay for us!

Christian Meditation

At the beginning of the year, I started learning Christian Meditation at my church. I can anticipate the reactions of my dear readers in reading that. For quite a few, it’s the “Christian” part that freaks them out. Christianity, especially in the south, can be very dogmatic ways that are quite bothersome. For others, it’s the “meditation” part. I’ve heard that around here, meditation is considered woo-woo, a word I love and reminds me pretty much of most everything people believe about California hippies.

Nonetheless, I started my meditation practice this year and I’m loving it. I really don’t think this meditation practice has the monopoly on the Christian God(dess), but it is a very prayerful as opposed to a secular meditation. I honestly have not done much meditation beyond relaxation exercises and following one’s breath, so I don’t know if all meditation is prayerful and spiritual, but what I’m learning is.

Here’s the part that is freaky: I’ve been getting messages. First, I should change my name to Joan, go to Paris and throw out the English. (HA! Just kidding) I’m actually not meditating about my country’s invasions. Instead, as you can imagine, I’m meditating about getting pregnant.

About a month ago, during the “listening time” of the meditation, I saw an image of a green tree. Now I have no idea, really, whether this was a message from God(dess), but it made me go “Wha???” which tends to be a sign that it’s not coming directly from my own consciousness. So I said, “Ok, whatever”, and I focused on the tree. It became greener and fuller and I found it comforting.

When the meditation was over, I thought, “Are trees like a big deal in infertility and I don’t know about it? Let me check Google! God can work through Google if s/he wants to.” So I googled Tree and Fertility, and after reading several sites about Christmas trees in North Carolina, I found this link to the Sheltering Tree Fertility Support Group and read this passage from Jeremiah 29:11 on their first page:

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.

Ummm. Yes. I cried.

Two days later, I received a package from my sister-in-law, an editor who works on really cool Hallmark books (look at the book at the end!) in which she included a magazine article related to my work and a magazine article related to miscarriages. It took me a while to make the connection, but the cover photo of the article on miscarriages was of a woman with a stark, leafless tree in her belly. That was not my tree! The tree I saw was green and leafy! Again, I felt comforted by it.

Then about two weeks ago during the listening time of meditation, I saw an image of myself holding an infant and I was in a hospital gown. Since we have a lot of pictures of Conor and me, I checked my hair in this image and it was short. I felt comforted.

(As a psychologist, it’s really hard for me to say THESE ARE MESSAGES FROM GOD!! They could be messages from inside me that I attribute to a higher power. In fact, a lot of things that go one in religious services I interpret from a social psychological standpoint, and it makes me a bit critical in what goes on. So, I don’t really where these images are coming from, but I find them interesting and comforting)

So that is what has happened to me in the last month regarding fertility. I’ve had absolutely no “signs” of pregnancy this month, two months after our HSG, as opposed to last month when I swore I was pg. In fact, this month, I told Dave that AF was coming early and there was just no way I could be pregnant this month.

But if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that means: No sign of pregnancy is the best indicator for me that I actually am pregnant.

That’s right! We’re on the rollercoaster again! Something’s brewing in my belly.

It’s still very, very early, but so far the signs are good. I’ll get the results from the second beta this afternoon.

I have to add, also, that I am SICK as an EFFING dog. I’m talking “real” morning sickness with the yakking and horrible nausea and fatigue like you cannot imagine. Yes, I know that’s a “good sign”. But it sucks. And I’m not even 5 weeks yet.

I Look Like a Mom

Yes, I know that I actually am a Mom, but it still freaks me out to walk by a window and see this woman of a certain age with a short sensible and maybe even cute but certainly not sexy haircut, with a Mom belly and a Mom butt in a Mom outfit with Mom sensible shoes.

I know when I became a Mom, but when did I start looking so old and Mom-ish?

Where is my other self? The one with long blond-ish hair, cute clothes, and an exercised body?

((((sigh))))

The Sticker Solution

We have been slow to adopt the sticker solution. But now that we see the results, we are very happy.

Point #1: Conor has still been getting out of bed before going to sleep and standing at his door trying to get us to come back in. He does not come out of the door, but he stands there in the corner a la Blair Witch. Until The Stickers. Two nights in a row, now, we've told him that if he stays in bed after we leave, he gets to choose a Very Big Shiny Sticker to wear the next morning. And Lo and Behold, we've taken him to school with a Very Big Shiny Sticker on his shirt for the last two days.

YIPPEE!!!!

Point #2: Easy pee-pee in the potty this morning at home followed by a fire-bear sticker.

I'll send the boy in a whole sticker suit if this solves some of our bigger problems!

How is your spring break going?

People Will Push You Down for That Chair

That's the exact quote from the upholstery store today, right after the woman said "That is a fantastic chair!"

Dave and I are having my Grandma's white modern, sort of deco looking chair reupholstered in exactly the same white vinyl is was orignially covered in. (There are some tears in the vinyl and the springs are a little less springy than one's bum might like)

The store owner was the first to tell us that people were going to want to buy that chair when they see it. He also said that it was very well made and he just had to do a little maintenance to let it last another 50 years or so.

It's truly a great chair. I had it with my when I lived in NYC and was desperate for it out in LA. It doesn't look like a Grandma chair, but them my Grandma rarely looked like a Grandma either. Hot pink high heels and matching purse rarely fall in the "Grandma" schema of outfits.

We can't wait to have this chair restored to its chair-y glory. And yes, I will post a picture.

The Big W

We see a big W in our future.

And in case you can't interpret that flashing neon sign, let me help you: wean. I don't think it's going to happen this week or next, but I see it and it's sooner rather than later for us.

Twice in the last week, Conor has been happy to lie with his head on my chest and rock instead of nursing. (Well, I should clarify: after nursing) We no longer have any middle of the night discussions about nursing because it has been clearly established that we only nursie when the sun is up.

I'm sure I'll be sad at some point when we're done. But honestly, I like it much better when he rocks with his head on my chest rather than on my boob. I feel like it shows he likes me more for me than just a boobie!

And on the subject of weird things other parents do (I know you just thought that!), I have am now convinced that parents are waaaaaaaay too concerned about what other people think of their parenting. Did you see the NY Times article last week on parents and children sleeping? I shall give you the synopsis: some kids sleep with their parents and some don't and those who do are worried about it.

What. Ever.

The part that bugged me was that even though most parents in the study admitted that their stealthy toddlers made it into their beds at some time or another, "psychologists believe it's important for children to learn to go to sleep on their own." Would someone PLEASE show me the randomized study comparing parents who "helped" their children to sleep versus those who didn't and the differences in anyone's mental, physical or emotional health. It doesn't exist. So it's basically just someone's opinion.

An opinion like I heard on a This American Life repeat (the Sept 15, 2006 one), that psychologists' in the early 1940's said that parents shouldn't kiss their children more than once a year or they will ruin them emotionally. They shouldn't even pick them up a lot because it would make them sick. And parents, well-meaning, kind-hearted parents, (I'm going to presume) LISTENED to that!

PEOPLE! Co-sleeping, not co-sleeping. Breastfeeding, not breastfeeding. Extended breastfeeding, breastfeeding just a few months. The effects of parenting style on children's health are marginal when we are talking about these sort of distinctions. Abuse, neglect and poverty have much, MUCH bigger effects on the future of the child than whether you were potty trained at age 2 or 4 or your never slept with your parents or slept with your parents until age 7.

These other issues are the luxurious worries of people who don't know what real problems are.

I have learned a lot in my 2 1/2 years of motherhood and the most important one is that my choices are not likely to be yours and It's OK. We have to do what is right for us and our children and our family unit. So sleep together! Don't sleep together! Stop worrying about it and worry about something more important. Like how we're going to get enough money to buy a B&B.

;-)

Dooce Called This One

The current word is that the doctor's are treating Britney for PPD.

Ahhhhh, Spring

This is my favorite time of the year. Our cherry trees have started blooming out front, the jonquils are up and brightly yellow and the narcissus are getting ready to start strut their stuff.

But that's not why I really like spring. The reason I really like spring, now that I'm a homeowner, is because everything is all "plan" right now and no "failure." I've designed the garden, ordered the seeds, and just planted the onions. The garden is all barren, tilled and full of potential. The weather is cool and there are no weeds. That's the part of gardening that just beats me to the ground. Weeds make me think that I'm a failure and reminds me that my garden will never live up to the potential I see in it at the beginning of March.

And yes, that is as depressing as it sounds come the hot, humid days of the end of July when I hate even looking at my garden. I forget that each year I get a little better at stopping the weeds from growing. Last year, the much helped. This year, we are planting everything a little closer together interspersing the basil and cilantro with the peppers and eggplant, the parsley with the peas (followed by the bok choi) so that the weeds just won't have a place to grow.

And can I tell you about the excitement, the sheer thrill, I had this weekend when we bought a new 10" tilling fork!? Oh my WORD! I could not stop talking about it!!! Dave tilled and then went through the beds with the fork and we were getting waaaaay down to the clay! Even now, that sentence makes my breath quicken with excitement. Our gardening philosophy comes from the Vegetable Gardener's Bible where the point is deep cultivation and wide plant beds. The author also "cheats" and tells you how long seeds last, so I can overbuy seeds this year and save them for the next 1-3 years.

So spring is all plan and potential right now. And I love it. Summer, I know, is show and tell-me-how-I-didn't-do-it-as-well-as-I-thought-I-was-going-to. But we're in spring now. And I'm pathetically optimistic on how THIS YEAR, it's all going to be a lot better.

Speaking of pathetic optimism, things are going better with the Big Boy Bed. We're sticking to our nighttime routine even when things get a little Blair Witch Project. I'm not even going to explain that right now, but let's just say there were 5 minutes of crying last night and when I went back to his room Conor was standing in the corner by his door making me look very much like the Blair Witch. And last night was one of the best nights in a week!! (The sad part is my cheering that at least he hadn't opened the door and come out into the hall! Good job, Conor!!)

We also did some math (!) and figured out that one of the reasons bedtime has sucked recently is that we're trying to put him down before he's ready: he doesn't need 12 hours of sleep per night any more, especially with his 2 hour nap at school. We really don't want to keep him up later, so we're going to start getting him up a little earlier for school. We'll see how that goes.

So there you go. Can I once again brag about my amazing home office with its sunny yellow walls covered in amazing sun from my gorgeous windows and French doors and the amazing view of my garden pure of weeds? Well, apparently, yes I can.

Well Said, Craig

Take 12 minutes and 30 seconds and look at this monologue from Craig Ferguson on what is going on with Britney.

It's really poignant. And funny!

Another Britney Perspective

Dooce suggests that Britney is in the midst of some bad postpartun depression and she is self-medicating and is about to lose it. If you don't know how devastating ppd is, or even just regular "d", check out this. Here's another perspective which is almost as articulate as Dooce's.

Another, more light-hearted blog, up later.

And Now She's Back.....

Britney was driven back to rehab by her mother.

Lordy, girl.

I have to say I'm relieved because I think the prize behind Door #2 is closer to Anna Nicole than Drew Barrymore.

My Big Fat Freaky Ass Feet

So I went to the podiatrist today.

I went because I'm not pregnant and my left foot has been hurting when I walk. Although to the normal population those two facts have no connection, here in the world of gnarly feet, they do.

I have ugly feet. Butt Ugly Feet. My feet are BUF. I have a humongous bunion on my right foot complete with a hammer toe (which sounds much better when you call it Hammer Toe! a la MC Hammer). I have a smaller bunion on my left foot, but it has been the one hurting recently. It has been hurting so much that I've worried about being able to walk from my car to my office without limping.

I know that the "cure" for bunions is surgery. One of my colleagues has had such a thing last spring and was quickly up and at 'em within days. So I figured since I am not pregnant (this week), I might was well run on over to the doctor's office and get the word on fixin' my tootsies. The scoop is either that I do it now when I'm not pregnant or, the best case scenario, I do it a year from now 3 or 4 months after I've given birth. It just worries me that if my feet get worse, I may have a hard time getting around if I am happily and luckily pg again.

Well, that's the scenario for normal ugly footed people.

I am the abnormal ugly footed person. The unusual case. The rare ugly toe, as it were.

Whereas most bunions come from a problem with the first toe knuckle, my problem comes back in the foot---it's a "deformity" in the middle of my foot at the joint so that basically my big toe is unstable and can wiggle around and get into trouble. Here's an article.

So, instead of getting the regular surgery where you're back to weightbearing in a walking cast in 24 hours or so, this is a specialized surgery that requires no weightbearing at all for 6 weeks! The good news is that if I stay off the foot for 6 weeks after surgery and don't smoke (?!), then there's about a 95% chance that the surgery will work. Otherwise, there is a strong probability that the "bones won't fuse" and I'll go back to having the same problem.

So, just to point this out, having this surgery with a newborn is sort of OUT OF THE QUESTION. And because this is somewhat more complicated than other surgery there is a potential for infection (low, but above 0%) which could mean up to 5 weeks of IV antibiotics which puts having the surgery before I get pregnant is out of the quesiton, too!

And in case you were wondering how rare this is: my doc has done "2000" of the regular bunion surgeries and only 20 of these. (I question the accuracy of 2000, but do believe "a lot" is appropriate)

I really don't mind walking around with ugly feet. That's fine. I can wait for years until I have the surgery done based on my acceptance of how butt ugly my feet are. But I am concerned that I'm getting more pain in just regular day-to-day activities. Nonethelss, no surgery for me.

I will, however, be getting orthotic inserts. They are "big" and will probably only fit in my sneakers and "dress flats" which would be nice if I owned any. They won't help the bunion but should take the pain away with the feet. Whoopee!

So there. Now you know more than you ever wanted to know about my feet. And I have learned that truly, my feet are exceptionally ugly.

BRITNEY!!!

She's checked back OUT of rehab. I do not know her! I understand that. But bad, bad things are going to happen to her if she doesn't get it together soon! How messed up must she be really if she can't stay sober for 1 day!

And how much and what was she doing while she was pregnant?

To No One's Surprise, but Everyone's Relief

Britney Spears has entered rehab. I'm thinking that years from now, if she stays on the wagon, this weekend is going to be when she knows she hit rock bottom.

Well, we can all breathe a sigh of relief now and get back to work.

Random Thoughts

I have no idea why Sergio, our betta, is still alive. He barely moves and hangs in very unusual positions in the water. Yet, he lives. We're happy to keep him around as long as he wants to hang with us. I'm not looking forward to the Big Flush.

Britney Spears is losing it/has lost it. It's pathetic that I think about this sort of thing, but I do. A lot.

Conor does well with just giving him two choices (see Baby No). Nonetheless, we still have issues with Do you want Milk or Juice? And going through the "Milk! NO! Juice! NO!" routine. We've made some breakthroughs on the getting dressed routine. Let's just say this: if you see two old haggard parents carrying a naked child in a coat and hat to daycare, you'll know he called our bluff. So far, he can't stand the thought of leaving the house naked and when we just stop trying to "make him" get dressed he wants to get dressed.

I'm not pregnant this month. I'm not upset, but I'm starting to get frustrated now.

I actually had a brillant post that I forced myself to remember before I fell to sleep last night and now, of course, I can't remember it, but I felt compelled to post something anyway.

I'm sure it will return to me as soon as I leave the computer. Lately, that has been when most of my brillant thoughts occur.....

Laying Down The Law

Actually, that sounds a lot more dramatic than it is. In actuality, we are just creating some "rules" around the house to help promote some toddler boundaries....and they are WORKING!!!

WOOHOO!!!

The first one happened Thursday night during an unhappy back-to-being-a-newborn boobfest after Conor crawled into bed with us. YES, I'm still nursing and YES, most of the time, it's great. But when I'm turning into a middle of the night pacifier, I'm a not a likin' it so much.

So on Friday morning, when we all woke up, and Conor said "NURSIE!" in just about that tone of voice, I said "Yes, Conor can nursie because the sun has come up! Conor can nurse all he wants when the sun comes up!" Friday night, I reminded him of the rule, which I did not have to enforce due to a joyous sleeping through the night in his own bed.

Then, Saturday morning, I was trying to get him off the boob and then HE pointed out that the sun was up and that he could nursie all he wanted. Flabbergasted, I agreed.

Saturday night, he crawled into bed with us again. And he did not even TRY to nursie. WOOHOO!!!!!!! Last night, he did try, but after about a minute of protestation to my pointing out that the sun wasn't up, he stopped and went to sleep. WOOOHOOOHOOO again!!!

I love rules!!

So during a horrible nap-that-wasn't on Saturday, I made another one. I told Conor he had to stay in bed until the Big Hand on his clock got to 12. (I figured one more hour would be enough and it was 2:00 during the demonstration, so well, what the hell) I demonstrated several times on the clock how the big hand would move and when it reached 12, he could get out of bed.

It worked. He was quiet and was staying in his bed. And then my family arrived, and being that they are like I, there was loud talking and much laughter. About 2:45 I heard, "Mommy! I want to get up! Mommy! I want to get up now!!!"

For good behavior, I released him from prison/nap a little early. But I was so impressed with him for staying in his bed and in his room when he could hear the party starting outside.

What a good little boy he is.

Most of the time.......

Even If They Are Lying....

When other mothers/friends say "You know your son is above-average cute, right?", I humbly demure. Nonetheless, it takes me aback and makes me proud.

The real truth is that the child likes to have his picture taken. I hope he never loses that lack of self-consciousness and begin to doubt how cute he is.

And, to no one's surprise, at 2:30 last morning I heard the pitter patter of little pajama'd feet across the floor and open my eyes to a smiling imp by my bed. I wondered how on earth Michael J. Fox got in my house.....

Of course not! It was my snickerdoodle in bear footie pajamas. So, I just reached over and pulled him in. Two snuggles later and we're all asleep. It may bother me later, but right now, we're just fine with that.