The Hardest Thing....

about not blogging for a while is to think of a clever title to explain my absence. "Busy", "Still Healing", "Very, Very Busy", "I thought I was All Fine, But Then I Figured Out I Wasn't", "Busier Even Still", and finally, "HOORAY! Trader Joe's is coming to town!!!!"

Ok, so now you're pretty much caught up from my last entry.

First, HOOOORAY!!!! Trader Joe's *IS* coming to town. They are opening their first store in south Charlotte (boooo, too far away, yet I will still travel) and they are also looking at areas in Midtown Charlotte, which is a hop, skip and a jump from us. HOOORAY!!! It's the best news in a while!

Next, I thought I was doing fine, but I'm still having some bouts of sadness about the miscarriage. Even though I knew it was coming and I was prepared for it, I'm still quite sad that we're not pregnant again. Especially since my body continues to think I'm still pregnant as the hormones fade out of me. The boobs no longer hurt while nursing and on the Saturday after the m/c I was ravenous as I could eat for the first time in 5 weeks without indigestion. But my temperature is still up and I'm quite sure my HCG is still well above 0.

I'm ok. But I'm still quite emotional with both a short fuse and a tendancy to weep at about anything. And I'm tired. I'm soooooo tired. It's tough trying to recovery emotionally at the beginning of the school year. But them's the breaks.

In case you are wondering, (well, are you?), we're going to start trying again right away. I've have checked out as much as I can, and yes there is a slight increase in m/c if you get pg immediately after a D&E because the uterus may be irritated. But you know what? I'm irritated, too. And I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to waste a good egg, if it happens to be the next one up.

So there. That's how I know my HCG is still high enough that my body thinks I'm pg. I have gotten positive OPKs which somehow or another also measures whether your body thinks "something is going on" down there. After the last m/c, my first cycle returned really quickly, but I think it's because my HCG count was pretty low by the time we had the m/c. I think we were still high and it may be a week or more before my body finally picks up the notion that the womb is empty and it's time to move on.

I have a feeling that quite a few of you are freaking out reading this. I don't know why, but I do. Perhaps I'm still freaking out. I'm ready to move on and start trying again, and I'm a little disappointed that my body is slow to catch up with the program. BUT (!) I also completely trust that my body is moving at the right pace and when it's ready to try again, it will let me know.

My body reminds me of my husband right now: Somewhat irritating on the small stuff, but completely trustworthy.

I am SOOOOOOOOO going to get in trouble for that sentence!