A Month in the Life of an Infertile

Cycle Day (CD) 1-5: Complain about Aunt Flo.

CD6, 7, and 8: Take a break from thinking about getting pregnant.

CD10-14 or so: Don't pee for 4 hours, sit with one's legs crossed until one can pee on a stick and perform the "Is-the-line-getting-darker" squint until the test line smacks you in the head, it is so dark.

CD8-CD17: Enjoy, ahem, being married or, in terms of TTC, babydance like crazy.

CD15-16: Take a break from thinking about getting pregnant.

CD17-CD26: Inject oneself twice a day with blood thinners while taking crazy making prednisone twice a day and progesterone once a day.

CD25-28: Laugh at how foolish newbies to the TTC process second guess every sneeze to see if they are pregnant. Realize that for you, indigestion, tingly boobs and bloating are "natural" outcomes to the massive amount of drugs you are on. They quite literally mean nothing.

CD26-28: Wake up and pee on a stick with no expectation of success, which, ironically, in the past meant a real possibility of success but now means you are not freakin' pregnant. Despite all reason, stare at the FRER HPT in 3 different light settings to see if the faintest of faint lines is detectable. Occassionally, tear the test apart to see if the line you see is "real" or an evaporation line. Decide after tearing the test apart that's as white as the driven snow, that it's perfectly acceptable to not feel guilty over a big fat glass of wine. Continue to whine, also.

After the final day of testing, stop taking drugs and wait for the whole damn thing to start again.