My Big Fat Freaky Ass Feet

So I went to the podiatrist today.

I went because I'm not pregnant and my left foot has been hurting when I walk. Although to the normal population those two facts have no connection, here in the world of gnarly feet, they do.

I have ugly feet. Butt Ugly Feet. My feet are BUF. I have a humongous bunion on my right foot complete with a hammer toe (which sounds much better when you call it Hammer Toe! a la MC Hammer). I have a smaller bunion on my left foot, but it has been the one hurting recently. It has been hurting so much that I've worried about being able to walk from my car to my office without limping.

I know that the "cure" for bunions is surgery. One of my colleagues has had such a thing last spring and was quickly up and at 'em within days. So I figured since I am not pregnant (this week), I might was well run on over to the doctor's office and get the word on fixin' my tootsies. The scoop is either that I do it now when I'm not pregnant or, the best case scenario, I do it a year from now 3 or 4 months after I've given birth. It just worries me that if my feet get worse, I may have a hard time getting around if I am happily and luckily pg again.

Well, that's the scenario for normal ugly footed people.

I am the abnormal ugly footed person. The unusual case. The rare ugly toe, as it were.

Whereas most bunions come from a problem with the first toe knuckle, my problem comes back in the foot---it's a "deformity" in the middle of my foot at the joint so that basically my big toe is unstable and can wiggle around and get into trouble. Here's an article.

So, instead of getting the regular surgery where you're back to weightbearing in a walking cast in 24 hours or so, this is a specialized surgery that requires no weightbearing at all for 6 weeks! The good news is that if I stay off the foot for 6 weeks after surgery and don't smoke (?!), then there's about a 95% chance that the surgery will work. Otherwise, there is a strong probability that the "bones won't fuse" and I'll go back to having the same problem.

So, just to point this out, having this surgery with a newborn is sort of OUT OF THE QUESTION. And because this is somewhat more complicated than other surgery there is a potential for infection (low, but above 0%) which could mean up to 5 weeks of IV antibiotics which puts having the surgery before I get pregnant is out of the quesiton, too!

And in case you were wondering how rare this is: my doc has done "2000" of the regular bunion surgeries and only 20 of these. (I question the accuracy of 2000, but do believe "a lot" is appropriate)

I really don't mind walking around with ugly feet. That's fine. I can wait for years until I have the surgery done based on my acceptance of how butt ugly my feet are. But I am concerned that I'm getting more pain in just regular day-to-day activities. Nonethelss, no surgery for me.

I will, however, be getting orthotic inserts. They are "big" and will probably only fit in my sneakers and "dress flats" which would be nice if I owned any. They won't help the bunion but should take the pain away with the feet. Whoopee!

So there. Now you know more than you ever wanted to know about my feet. And I have learned that truly, my feet are exceptionally ugly.